Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Because I Know You

I let out a shaky breath, "You weren't at home when I got back, why did you leave?"

Hunter finally moved, she ran her fingers through her hair and then rested her chin in the palm of her hand, "I needed a drink." Her voice was hollow. Before I'd held onto her every word like they were my religion but now she spoke and it meant nothing. 

"You don't need to keep drinking," I softly told her.

Hunter looked up at me again, the darkness under her eyes was alarming for someone who spent so much time unconscious and the smile lines, I'd once loved, had faded; that might have been the detail which broke me the most. "How would you know that?"

I felt attacked, but I still hoped she didn't really mean it. I told myself that it was the alcohol talking rather than Hunter. "Because I know you," my words held hope.

"You used to."

Such foolish hope. 

I felt my hands begin to shake, so I hid them under the table, "And now?" I feared her answer. 

Hunter softly shook her head, staring at me like I was just any other person, maybe even a stranger, "I don't know me anymore either."

I didn't know what to say, I couldn't find Hunter - she had to do that herself. But she needed to want to fight enough to do it. I feared she didn't have the care anymore. "Do you want to be you again?"

"Not really, no," she decided, her words were so emotionless that I just knew she didn't care anymore. 

I felt my heart drop and the sirens begin to blare. Hunter had once, not so long ago, been my entire world, it never occurred to me that she'd be the person to wreck it. To wreck us. I couldn't have even imagined this playing out in my most twisted nightmares. 

"Lia's car is outside," I heard a breathless Leah from behind me, who just stopped in her tracks when her eyes fell onto Hunter and the many empty glasses sitting in front of her. 

"Great," I looked to the floor, trying to choke back the tears; I didn't want Hunter to know she'd upset me, I tried to tell myself it wasn't her fault. It was the alcohol talking, it was just the alcohol. 

"Hunts," Leah took a shaky sigh, "What happened?"

And she was silent again. Hunter didn't reply to Leah, the blonde looked to me for answers though I just cleared my throat, shaking my head. 

"Let's go back home," I stood up, stepping closer to Hunter, "can you walk?" I went to put my hand on her shoulder but she shrugged me off. 

"I'll be fine," she stated, getting to her feet and suddenly stumbling. 

Both Leah and I jumped to catch her but instead Hunter leaned onto the table and stared at the wood for a moment, almost glaring at the empty glasses before she pushed herself up. 

"Sure you don't need help?" Leah cautiously checked, watching Hunter's every movement. 

Hunter's eyes shot up to the blonde, "I said I was fine."

"Okay," Leah held her breath and looked to the floor, she regretted asking the question in the first place.

Hunter walked out in front of us, barely able to walk but she wouldn't accept our help and grew cold whenever we even tried to offer. Lia was waiting with her car parked directly outside, she quickly opened up the doors when she saw the three of us emerging from the dark pub. 

"Looking forward to getting home Hunter?" Wally smiled at Hunter, just looking for a spark of her friend. 

Hunter didn't reply, she just brushed past Lia and sat in the back of the car, I followed. Leah sat in the front with Wally, the pair shared a sorrowful look and then Wally started the engine. 
I gulped and looked to Hunter, she was staring at the back of Leah's chair. I missed when she used to look at me, when our eyes would catch from across a room or the way her cheeks would pinken when I caught her staring; it was all the little things which had made our life so bright. 

We drove back to Hunter's house in silence, not a word was said; I think everyone had learnt Hunter didn't want to talk and it was nearly impossible to force her into it. Hunter had always been stubborn, I'd love it when her spirit was so fierce but now the flame had burnt out and only the smoke and ash was left. 

When Lia parked in Hunter's drive there was this air of awkwardness, no one knew what to do or say. 

"Do you two still want to come in for dinner?" I asked the pair sitting in the front. 

Leah looked back, glancing at Hunter for a moment, "That would be nice."

"Thankyou," Wally softly smiled at me, her eyes drifting to the brunette next to me, her smile fading. 

Hunter was the first to leave the car, stumbling towards the door and pulling out a set of keys I was surprised she'd remembered to bring. As I walked towards her, I saw the annoyance on her face as she rattled the key in the lock, unable to open the door. 

"Let me," I offered, gently going to take the key from her. 

"Leave it," her voice was harsh as she pushed me away. 

I took a step back, holding my breath and watching as she turned back, her eyes a little wider as she realized what she'd done. Finally, Hunter opened the door and she took one last look back at me before walking towards the staircase. 

"I'm going upstairs," she said, gripping onto the banister.

"Leah and Wally are staying for dinner," I was trying my best to hold it together even if I was wrecked inside, "Don't you want to eat with us?"

I didn't receive a reply, though a few seconds later I heard the slam of her bathroom door and that was answer enough.
Turning round I saw Leah and Wally standing there with mournful expressions on their faces, it was like a dark cloud had fallen over the house. 

"Let me make dinner," Lia offered.

"It's fine," I shook my head.

"Really," she insisted, "I'll cook us something special."

I thanked her and the three of us walked into the kitchen, but I couldn't pull my mind away from Hunter upstairs, I wished she'd just try to open up to us. 
Leah ended up making us all tea and I don't think I'd been taken care of like this in months. I was used to doing everything, looking after Hunter and checking in on everyone else in fear that they'd end up in the same hole as her. But Leah and Wally were looking after me, they were cooking and making warm drinks, insisting that I sit down as we all talked about normal things. It was nice to have a normal conversation, it was nice to be distracted even if I felt guilty about it.

I was exhausted, my nights were riddled with this awful guilt and anxiousness; I wondered how I couldn't have noticed Hunter's addiction earlier, I wondered how I could make her break the cycle. My days revolved around her and not in the beautiful ways they used to, I pulled myself out of bed at silly hours each day to make sure she had enough time to sober and clean up. Every time I parked in her driveway, my hands would start to shake. Every time I went to knock on the door, I found myself struggling to breathe. 
I was always left wondering if it was really the war in her mind that stopped Hunter from giving me everything, or did she just not want to?