Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

I Just Want To Help Her

Mapi leaned down, joining in our conversation, "She's never been like this before Jill," she tried to offer Jill some reassurance that she'd done the right thing, "I've never seen her calm down like this."

Jill tried to smile though it never formed, "I just want to help her."

"I know," I could see how much Jill loved my sister, "And you have."

Mapi ran a hand through her hair, "I think we should take Hunter to a room. Is yours free Jill?"

"Yeah, I think Lynn would have left now," She nodded.

"Can you get her up, do you think?" Mapi asked. 

Jill looked uncertain, though tried to lift Hunter from her chest, I saw the grip Hunter had on Jill's hoodie tighten, the tips of her fingers turning white. Jill looked back at me for the answers, but I didn't have them, no matter how long I searched, I couldn't find the answers to make everything okay. 

"Hunter vamos a subir a la habitación de Jill. Bien? (Hunter we're going to go up to Jill's room. Okay?)" I told Hunter on the possibility that she was listening.

There was no response.

I looked up at Mapi, she'd always been better with Hunter than I; I was always so obsessive about solutions that I panicked in situations like this, when there weren't any. I hated that I wasn't the best person for Hunter right now.

"Let me talk to her," Mapi hushed, taking my place in the rather cramped cubicle. Though Mapi didn't have any luck, eventually sighing and looking back at Jill, "Think you can stand up and still hold onto her?"

"I'll try," Jill nodded. 

It was clear Hunter wasn't going to let go of Jill, she'd found a safe space and I knew the fear she'd have in leaving it. 

Jill held her breath as she pushed herself up, never loosening her grip around Hunter's waist. If this were another situation I'd have giggled at my sister's refusal to let her girlfriend go but watching this hurt, I grimaced as I saw the tips of Hunter's fingers whiten, so terrified that if she didn't hold on for dear life that she'd be dropped, Jill would leave and she'd be alone again. 

"Okay, it's okay," Jill sighed, gently kissing the top of Hunter's head. 

The second Jill tried to take a step forward, Hunter's knees collapsed from underneath her, Jill's eyes widened and she gasped before steadying the pair of them. I wanted to jump in and help but the three of us knew to stay calm and quiet.

Eventually, with Jill bearing all of Hunter's weight we slowly walked upstairs. Viv went ahead to make sure no one else was in their room while I just watched Jill practically carrying my sister down the corridors, Jill's jaw was clenched and eyes almost numb, she was finding this difficult though I knew she carried Hunter with ease. It was seeing Hunter like this that was the challenge, especially when she didn't understand everything from the past.

Finally we arrived at their room, Jill sat down with Hunter on the bed, who was now fully curled into the blonde's lap.

Jill looked up at me, so unsure and almost lost, "What do we do now?"

Usually I'd talk to Hunter and ask what had happened, just in case it needed to be acted on immediately; that was what we should be doing. But for a second I considered telling Jill to do nothing, to continue holding my sister until Hunter was the one to let go.

Though Mapi answered for me, "We need to get her to talk."

"She's right," my voice was dry, I didn't want to be agreeing with Mapi right now but I knew it was what needed to be done. 

Part of me feared Hunter's reaction when she realized that Jill wasn't a stranger to her past anymore, though I trusted Jill would stick by her even after she knew everything. 

"Do you want me to? Or you?" Mapi asked me quietly. 

I looked down to the floor, "I think it's better for you to," I knew I'd been too involved in Hunter's life during those times, I was a face in that story and a reminder of the terrors it involved. Hunter knew I'd protect her but hearing my voice or seeing my face could set her off again, Mapi was the safer choice. 

Mapi softly nodded, moving to her knees on the floor next to the bed where Hunter was. "Hunter," Mapi whispered, running her fingers through the brunette's hair, "What happened?"

Hunter shook her head, only hiding deeper in Jill's chest; she was listening. 

I felt Ona shift closer to me, I'd never heard her so quiet before, I took Ona's hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Hunts you need to talk to us," Mapi tried to reason, looking up at Jill. 

Jill gulped, "We just want to help," she hushed.

"Though we can only help if you tell us what happened."

There was silence, the room filled with this silence which was shattered by the sounds of Hunter's sobs. Everything showed itself; the abandonment, the heartbreak, the betrayal, the grief and most of all the pure terror. It all showed itself in one heartbreaking sound and I could've picked each chapter of the story apart, piece by piece, because each emotion was so distressed and raw.

Trauma forever showed itself in the ugliest ways, it was terrible to see what it had done to my sister. I knew I could never make it go away and that was the most difficult thing to accept. I'd spent the last decade of my life wondering how everything would have turned out if Hunter had never come across him, or even come across her, I wondered if she'd be playing for Barcelona and still living under the safe roof as me but I'd never know. 

I felt my chest tense, my lungs almost pause and brace themselves as I knew the story was about to unfold.