Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

Find Some Common Ground

"No, I don't think you all heard me," Hunter spoke up, turning around to all the squad, "I think you're all a posse of bitches because I cared about you and was treated like total shit!"

I just watched this progressively get worse and worse, Hunter's eyes turning glassy but not through tears, it's as if she wasn't totally there; like her mind was only half connected. I wondered whether I should jump in but I knew Hunter wanted to say her piece, she wouldn't have come tonight if she didn't.

Someone who hadn't spoken yet took a step towards Hunter, it was Jen. Someone who I'd found to be lovely, so this calmed me down if anything, "Hunter we're sorry, we messed up. Me, personally, I didn't see it happening and thought it was just jokes and I always loved you but I'm sorry."

"How didn't you see it?" Hunter asked Jen.

Jen gently laid a hand on Hunter's left shoulder, it seemed to be a gesture of care but then everything suddenly changed. 

"Don't fucking touch me!" Hunter yelled, I saw emotions flash through her but they didn't look like anger, she seemed terrified drowning right into defense. Though Hunter still sounded strong, even if her voice was coarse like tears were choaked at the back of her throat.

Leah jumped straight into the situation, very carefully pushing Jen away as she almost formed a barrier around Hunter, staring the brunette right in the face, "You're alright," She assured her, "You've got this, say what you want to say."

Leah now sat closely next to Hunter, almost like a body guard whilst everyone else wondered what they'd just witnessed. That volume and pain had come from nowhere, it scared me because I was scared for Hunter, I hated seeing her like this. 
I'd seen her in dark places before and this seemed to be leading towards a place where I doubted the light reached. 

"I'm sorry," Jen apologized, holding her hands up, "I didn't mean to upset you."

Hunter defiantely shook her head, gulping down those emotions of clear sadness, "None of you say anything, you all say a whole load of meaningless bullshit. Someone please come and just say something important," She pleaded, clearly overcome with emotion. 

I walked closer to her, bending down so no one else could hear me, "Hunts do you maybe want to go home now?" I suggested.

Hunter pulled away from me, her eyes sending messages of raw anger, "Why would I want to do that? I am trying to sort something out here," She told me.

"Okay," I gently nodded, knowing her reaction had very little to do with me but it still stung slightly. More so from the fact, I wanted her help Hunter and she seemed all too confident she could do this herself; I wanted to be the person Hunter sook help from when she so clearly needed it. 

Beth stepped forward, "Hunts we're friends, you know that right?"

Hunter nodded, looking like she was struggling to breathe as she gulped down every single breath.

"Okay good," Beth crouched down slightly, trying to reel the situation back in, "So as your friend, I am telling you that everyone loves you here and we all know we've messed up. A lot of people didn't notice when the jokes went too far and we'll always be sorry for that. But we are a family Hunter, you're right."

"Okay, and?" Hunter shrugged, clearly not affected by Beth's heartfelt apology.

Beth seemed a little taken aback, trying to save herself, "And we hope you'll give us the chance to make it up to you."

Everyone nodded, "I think we all agree with what Beth's said," Kim spoke out. 

Hunter looked down to the floor, my heart stopped slightly, thinking she was about to put this to rest. As much as I wanted to protect her from the girls, they were right, we did have to continue acting as a team for the months to follow so some sort of resolution had to be reached. I hated to admit it but it was the truth; our personal lives weren't allowed to affect our professional which was a very foggy line in football.

Hunter looked back up, her eyes no longer belonging to that animated and exciting soul, she wasn't herself and it scared me, "Why am I even here anymore? I've got no fucking choice but to forgive you all and I sort of do but you'll be making this up to me for months to come," She told them all sternly then she stood up, "Come on Jilly, we're going home."

I looked around, a little confused why I was being suddenly called upon and half expecting someone else called Jill to jump out from the bushes.

"Um, okay," I went to follow her but was interrupted by Lisa.

"Hunter!" She called though Hunter didn't turn around, she just stayed still, "I don't think you're any of the things I called you, I was mad and just speaking bullshit - you called it right. I'm sorry."

Hunter took a step forward, continuing to leave. 

"Hunter," Lisa said again, pushing past me to get to Hunter, putting her gently hand on the girls shoulder, "I'm so-"

She was cut of by Hunter turning around, tears suddenly streaming down her face as I pulled Lisa slightly away, knowing this could go in about a million directions, "You don't know what I go through at night," Hunter stressed, she wasn't thinking. Something else had taken over her mind and I didn't know how to stop this all.

"You're right," Lisa slowly nodded, I could see the fear in her eyes, "I don't, but I wanted to apologies for my actions."

"Come on guys," Kim cleared her throat, "Let's give them some space," She suggested as everyone went back to the restaraunt, realizing Hunter didn't need the entire team gawping at her. 

Tears were streaming down Hunter's face, her voice hoarse as she spoke louder, "You don't know what I go through at night!"

Leah jumped in, "Hunter, be careful," She warned.

My heart was speeding at a million miles an hour because I was so out of control in this situation, I couldn't reel Hunter in but I didn't want to continue allowing her to unravel. Hunter wasn't manic nor dangerous, she was just in a place of such hurt that half her mind had switched off, I didn't know how to wake her back up.

"I gave everything I had to this team!" Hunter yelled though it wasn't out of anger, it was pure pain, "I gave you guys everything because I was so busy-"

Leah put a hand over Hunter's mouth, "We're not doing this here tonight," She told her, "You'll regret it."

"Don't keep your hand on her mouth," I told Leah quietly.

Leah pulled her hand away, "Hunter, come on, let Jill take you home," She pleaded, searching Hunter's eyes for the reason of the sudden outburst in emotion. 

Lisa stood there silently, slightly fearful but more just worried about what she'd done. Though she didn't say anything seeing as the last time she'd opened her mouth, it hadn't gone down well. 

"Should we go home?" I asked her softly. 

Hunter gulped, "I just need to say one last thing and then this is over, okay Lisa?"

Lisa nodded. 

"We all got the same speech when we came to this club; it's a family and if you look after us, we'll look after you. If that's still the case, we won't have any problems in the future," Hunter told her, choking down the tears.

"That's still the case," Lisa agreed, "I'm sorry."

"As long as it doesn't happen again," Hunter replied.

"You want to go now?" I lightly tapped Hunter's hand, worried that if she stayed we might loose all track of peace in the situation again. 

Hunter lightly nodded, "Yeah," She breathed, "I want to go."

My heart broke for Hunter about a million different times tonight and much as I didn't forgive the Arsenal girls on her behalf, they needed to reach a peace or our professional lives would then be impacted. 
I'd seen a side to Hunter that I didn't know existed, I didn't know where it had come from but it was clear that it came from a place that was deeply troubled. It scared me slightly, just when I thought I'd gotten closer to understanding the girl, I was now given a whole new book, one I didn't understand the language to nor how to translate it.