Like Real People Do - Jill Roord

I Was Staring At A Stranger

My sister was someone who longed to connect deeply with others and yearned to be truly loved; she was a little like a puppy "love me, love me, love me,"  she'd beg. But I don't think Hunter fully understood love and it had destroyed her time and time again. It was difficult to watch because Hunter's intentions were always pure, it just seemed the world was always waiting to bring her back down. 

This was a massive loss to Hunter. This was practically her family. These were also the people I hoped I could trust to look after my sister, all the way over in London when we were separated, but it seemed I'd installed trust in the wrong places. Perhaps I should be fighting harder to bring her back home, but I knew that would only bring new challenges. 

"Everyone ready for camp?" I coughed, trying to break the deafening silence which had fallen upon the car.

Ona nodded, "I think it's going to be good!"

"Yeah," Mapi sighed, "I'll be glad to see all the girls again."

My attempt to start a conversation failed, nothing else was said until we pulled up to the Spanish training facilities. Once the car's engine had turned off, we truly were sitting in the silence.
Ona cleared her throat, waking us all up slightly; not that we were tired, we were just in a daze of thoughts.

"Yeah, let's go," I huffed, jumping out of the car and then opening the door for Hunter who begrudgingly climbed down from her seat, "You alright to go in right now?" I checked.

Hunter nodded, "I'm fine."

'I'm fine'. Two words I'd never believed, especially not from my sister's mouth.

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Hunter's POV

As we dragged our luggage into the reception, I felt dead. I truly felt like a tornado had whipped through my soul and left absolute carnage to clear up, though I was too exhausted to even attempt to solve the problem.

My wish for camp was to have an amazing time with the girls I loved, I didn't want most of them to see me in this state of weakness. Yet I couldn't help but wonder if they felt the same at the Arsenal team, perhaps they all hated me too. I just didn't know anymore, I'd learnt better than to assume or hope.
The pain in my thoughts also made fun sound like an impossible challenge, every time my mind forgot for just a second, I'd have that moment of realization again. I'd go back to the exact time where it clicked. When I realized they didn't love me. 

I'd always been someone who needed love, even if I didn't seem like it. I think it was the most beautiful feeling in the world to know there's someone who'd give it all up for you, especially when you'd do the same. But it's the most painful when you realize that beauty only lives it your eyes, on their end it is completely unrequited.

"Shall we go to our room?" Mapi dangled the keys in front of my face, I didn't even realize we'd been in the reception long enough for her to collect them. Time didn't seem real anymore, it was all just a blur.

I nodded, holding onto my suitcases again and dragging them until we arrived at our room, I was already completely exhausted. 

"We don't have any training today," Mapi told me as we both sat down on one of the beds.

"Okay," I nodded. 

Mapi brought a hand to her jaw, figuring whether to speak or not, "I'm always here if you want to talk, you know? Leah already told us everything."

"I know," I huffed, "I just think talking won't do anything this time."

Mapi's face lit up slightly, "Ah but you thought that last time."

I couldn't help but lightly smile at my best friend, "And I think I was right."

Mapi frowned, fiddling with her fingers as she leant forwards, "How's that side of things?"

I shrugged, "Same as always, I guess."

Mapi moved next to me, "I do truly believe it will get better one day amor."

I went to interrupt her with my disagreements. 

"And you know I wouldn't say that unless I thought it was true," She looked down at me as I stared back at her in silence, "Now, what do you want to do about this camp? Are you going to be okay?"

I nodded, "I think it will be good to get my mind off things."

"I agree and you have plenty of people here who love you."

"I know."
But I didn't know anymore, I didn't want to feel that pain and be burnt by my naivety again. 

Mapi began listing their names, grinning wider with the thought of each person, "You've got me, Alexia, Ona, Aitana, Jana. And then you have Leah, Lia and maybe someone new," she teased.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Who?"

Mapi smirked, "Possibly a certain someone named Jill Roord."