RAISING BLAKE

CHAPTER 32

Going home

Its been four days since I've given birth. my daughter who I officially named blakelyn undergone her surgery yesterday when the doctor deemed her strong enough too. And it was a success but they are keeping her in the nicu for around 4-6 months to monitor her heart and lungs. We arent allowed to hold her throughout the journey because of the risk of infections and the tiniest infection that some could heal with cough medicine and a good night sleep could kill her.

Knowing my daughter could go through that and all because of me makes me hate myself but also make me want to change myself and my existing habits. Today is the day I go home. Malik has been by my side besides for going school and I'm greatful for it.

"Aiko you up." i hear Malik whisper. I open my eyes to see him right besides my bed and I smile. "it's time to go home I went to your place today and got you an outfit."

Stretch my arms out sitting up. "thank you." i smile and he gives me one back before kissing my cheek. "your welcome baby." maliks been calling me baby for a while now at first I'd tell him to stop because of tia but now I don't care im use to it and I'm use to tia coming in and out of his life.

Malik grab both my hands helping me up and as he does so I let out a whimper of pain. "do you need help getting in and out the shower." i not adjusting to the new found pain on my lower stomach.

We walk Into the bathroom together my towel slung over his shoulder and my clothes neatly folded in my arms. I put the clothes down and Malik comes closer her lifts my arms up and I let out a little moan in pain because when my arms lifted it's stretched my stitches.

"sorry" he mumbles tugging my shirt off my head. He clips off my bra and it falls to the floors. He then grabs the hem of my shorts pulling them down slowly so they don't irritate my stitches. He walks around me turning on the shower before coming back Infront of me and pulling down my panties. He grabs all my clothes putting them in a pile before helping me into the shower.

"you good do you need help showering." i shake my head. "i think I'll be fine." he nods before walking out. I let out a sigh as I wrap my arms around myself and stand right below the shower head letting the water drench my hair and face. I close my eyes but my mind goes straight to blakelyn when she first came out not breathing with a whole in her heart and it's all my fault. She might not live long and she might die and it's all my fault.

My eyes shoot open and I let out a gasp taking in as much air as possible. "aiko you ok you've been in there for quite a while." My breathing slows. "yeah I'm fine." i wipe my face with my hands before turning the shower off. "can you help me get out." he doesn't answer and instead just walks in he grabs my hand and helps me out slowly before wrapping my towel around my body. Our bodys were really close that I could smell his musky scent.

He was attractive, nice and very good smelling and very hard to resist. He chuckles. "you OK." i close my mouth and look straight instead of up at me. "mhm." he runs his hands through my hair.

"do you want me to brush your hair." i nods and he turns me around grabbing the brush and brushing my hair out getting the knots and dirt out being in a hospital bed for four days and the guilt of you premature baby creeping on you and the pain for C-section pain didn't give me alot of strength to brush my hair.

He then braids my hair into to Dutch braids and they look beautiful. "how did you learn to braid." he smiles. "i use to braid my ma's hair when I was a kid I wasn't good but it distracted me from other problems but I was able to get progressively better. I started picking it back up when I figured out I was having a daughter."

I smile at him. "that's sweet." he gives me a wider smile. "do you need help putting on your clothes." i sigh but nod my stitches are painful and have already burst twice in 4 days and that's from doing nothing so yes making Malik help me put my clothes on makes me feel helpless and awkward seeing as he's face to face with my pussy rn as he puts me in a fresh pair of panties but I very much need the help I'm just lucky I was able to shave before I went into labour.

I tell him to not put me in a bra so he just slides my shirt over my head.

Maliks gaze drops to my toes. They were wet and painted a baby pink color. "i forgot to pack you socks I'm sorry I didn't think." he says disappointment laced In his voice. "ill go drive to yours and get you some." he goes to turn but I grab his arm. "it's ok Malik I'm fine don't worry about it." he looks back down at my feet. "i like the color." i smile. "thank you."
"oh yeah I have a spare pair of socks you can wear them." he spins round going back into the room and grabbing a black pair of black Nike trainer socks l with 'dri-fit' across the front he bends on one knee Infront of him slipping the socks onto my fee.

He hands me my black slide and I put them on just as we go to leave a nurse walks in. "um hi miss your daughter blakelyn isnt quite stable enough to eat through a bottle right now but we're hoping she will be by the end of this week maybe the week after and we were just asking if you would like us to feed her formula from the hospital but we do have a programme that allows you to give us breast milk for her if you prefer that you could give it to us in batches for her to eat and we can give you updates on her feeding progress and alerts if we need another batch given to the hospital."

She smiles and I turn my head towards Malik and he shrugs telling me its my decision. I not at the nurse."ill give you two batches by the end of this week hopefully." i smile at her. She nods writing something before leaving. Me and Malik walk to his car tossing our bags from the last 4 days info the trunk before he drives me back home.

Seeing at it was just past 8 am it's meant my dad had just left for work and wouldnt be back for another 10-12 hours. Malik parks the car and if falls silent. I don't want to be alone. Not now when I'm still super hormonal and side about the healtj stats of my daughter not when I blame myself and I'll over think everything.

"Malik." my eyes well. "hm" he turns towards me a tear falling. "i don't want to be alone."