CHAPTER 10

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Fucked up

I fucked up badly my anger got the best of me like always I've got pills for my ied but I haven't taken them in months

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I fucked up badly my anger got the best of me like always I've got pills for my ied but I haven't taken them in months. I know she's pregnant with my kid she looks and is innocent I've seen her around school she quiet doesn't have any friends and sits on the back table at lunch with a salad that she never touches and a book.

She knows that kids mine and I know that kids mine but yet I'm driving to a fucking clinic cause I don't want to be a dad that's my biggest fear. Actually becoming a dad is everything I ever wanted but becoming like my dad is my biggest fear. And when I gripped onto her and shuck her like that all I saw was red. But as soon as she said I was hurting her all I saw was my mother.

My mother beaten in a corner whilst my dad kept hitting her and hitting her and not stopping. All I saw was my mom yelling at me to go into my room with alisha and lock the doors whilst he choked her and beat her. Alishas 2 years younger then me so whilst I was 7 years old hearing and feeling my fathers wrath Alishas was 5 and clueless and all she saw was the sweet side of my dad the side that loved and cherished his princess.

When I let go of Aiko I knew that I couldn't be my dad the ride to this place she was crying her body shaking as my hand print wrapped around her arm. My hands clenched around the wheel to stop them from shaking I can't look at her cause if I do I'm gonna have a full mental break down everytime I see my reflection if its the mirrors in my car or my phone all I see is my dad.

When we got to this place we were seen immediately. Aiko put on her pink fluffy cardigan covering the bruises I caused on her shoulder. She wiped her tear and her eyes were red and puffy. She took out her contacts putting on a pair of clear glasses that were to big for her face but made he cuter then ever.

With her glasses on all I saw was innocence and it made me madder for what I did. All I want to do is embrace her apologise protect her and my baby. She too innocent for me and I'll ruin her destroy her if she's around me to long. She scared of me and thats the last thing I want I don't want this to happen I don't want me to be my dad and her to be my mom and this baby to be me I can't do this.

I didn't know I was hyperventilating until a small warm hand touched mine I look at Aiko and she had fear but concern in her eyes. "are you OK." she hesitates but asks anyways. "yeah get off me." i yank my hand ways from under hers. What the fuck am I doing what is wrong with me.

This is the opposite from what I want to do my head and heart are thinking the opposite of what my body is actually doing and it's fucking me up. But I couldn't do or say anything else a doctor or a dna specialist I don't fucking know walks in.

He does the basic information before swabbing my mouth out and putting it in a piece of plastic. "for you miss Shu it's going to be a bit different were gonna have to get your blood done." Aiko nods at the man.

"could you take your cardigan of and clench your fist so that your veins are more define." Aiko hesitates but takes her cardigan of showing the two hand print bruises on her shoulder. The doctor freezes a bit looking at the bruises before turning and looking at me like he knew I did it and I'm his mind I was automatically labelled as an abuser automatically labelled as someone like my dad.

The man gives Aiko a look clearly asking if she was OK and she nods before he continues to take her blood. "OK the dna results will be in in around a week it will be sent to the address given is that OK."

Aiko nods once again before the man leaves us to get ready and leave. Aiko doesn't say a word as she put on her cardigan and hops off the bed. I walk to the door opening it and walking. I drop Aiko back to the school so she could pick up her car and drive home.

Ignoring everyone I head to my room and grab the first drug I could find in the room I have no clue what the drug was but I took it anyways and In around an hour I was out of my mind my vision blurry and everything moving slow.

My dick is inside of tia as I fuck her doggy style. I have no clue what the fuck Is around me or anything Just that I'm in my room, tias begging me to let her come and my little sisters around the house somewhere.

"Fuck Malik your going to hard." tia whimpers tia can't take more then half of me cause either I'm huge or... There's no other option. But right now I'm fully balls deep in her and I know it if I don't pull out she's gonna bleed.

I pull back until I'm halfway and work with that I'm 14 inches of pure black dick and I haven't been fully inside a girl since I was 13 and fucking with half my size. I wait until she comes before I pull out and kick her out my house. I didn't come but I think that was mainly the drugs fault.

Realisation dawns on me when I remember I'm gonna be a dad and can't keep fucking around like this on drugs and with girls I need to get back on my fluoxetine no matter the side effects I can't be like my dad I can't let the anger get he best of me.

Not on Aiko and especially not on my baby. The pills cause weakness nausea and insomnia and much more but those are the three main reasons I stopped taking them. I need my strength and sleep for football and without both I was a shit player hense why I stopped taking them.

But now I don't care I'm not my father never was and never will be.

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