The Caseys: Our Journey to Parenthood

(154) The PTSD Conversation - Part Two

Hi Readers: Sorry for the late start. I've been running some errands and doing some other things. However, I do hope to get at least a similar amount, if not more than what I did write yesterday out to you guys today; especially when I already have somewhere to start. I hope you guys enjoy today's chapters. Thanks again for reading. 
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"Are you talking about the time when you said goodbye (to Gabby) in a fire?" -Kelly Severide

The former police detective was confused. Heck, both of the former police detectives were confused; not exactly aware of the situation, nor are they aware of just what time in Matt's life they are talking about right now. Heck, even Antonio was confused. And that made him sad, as it made him realize something; maybe he should've spoken to his sister more around this time, and his brother-in-law too. This was obviously something that might have led to the start of their problems, the problems that led to their separation. Just taking a breath, Antonio decided to add on something to what Kelly said. "Matt, listen. Before you answer, I don't want you to answer if you think that it's too close to something that might have caused problems in between you and Gabby around May of last year; I know that's something that you need to also consider." Matt took a breath when he heard Antonio say that, before shaking his head; he was ready, and able to talk about this.

"No, it's okay. But yeah, that's definitely something that really hurt me. It was just...god, it's really hard to even think about." Jay then went to add on, having an idea as to just what the former fire captain may be thinking about; as he's had that feeling a few times in the past while he was in the military, especially on the battlefield. "Did your life flash before your eyes because you thought you were going to die?" Turning to look at Jay when he asked him that, Matt was a bit shocked; especially since that was exactly how he felt in the moment. He felt like his life was flashing in front of his eyes, because he was going to die. "Yeah, how did you guess that?" Jay sighed when Matt asked him that, all too aware of the times where he did it too, when he said goodbye. "Because I was in your situation so many times while I was overseas, especially after getting fired at. You get really closed to your brothers-in-arms, especially the ones that you work with on a daily basis."

Matt agreed with Jay when he said that, taking a breath as he went ahead and took another sip of his beer. "Yeah, that's a hard part; and that's why it hurt so much when Andy died, because I worked with him on my truck." Matt turned his head, sighing as he looked at Kelly. "Add in the fact that they filled the seat so damn fast, I didn't really feel like I truly had a time to grieve; because I had to start training a new candidate, while also having problems with my fiancé at the time." Kelly looked at Matt when he said that as he was unaware of the fact that he and Hallie were having problems at the time. "You guys were having problems?" Matt agreed with his best friend when he asked him that, taking a breath as he was having problems. "Our status was complicated. We didn't know whether we were engaged, or whether we were breaking up." Kelly was shocked. "Wow, that's a lot." Matt agreed. "And then my best friend wasn't there for me." Kelly sighed.

"I know, that was hard." Matt nodded. "So, I had no fiancé to support me, and no best friend to support me." Kelly took a breath, agreeing with Matt when he said that. "Yeah, sorry about that man." Matt shook his head. "I can't look back, I need to look forward." Kelly agreed with Matt when he said that. "I think that you definitely need to look forward, as you are having a baby with your wife after all." Matt took a breath when he heard Kelly say that, hating how this is affecting that part of his life. "Yeah, that's another thing that I hate how this PTSD is affecting my life." Antonio was confused when he heard Matt say that, not exactly understanding. "Just curious, what do you mean by that?" Matt sighed as he turned his head, looking at his brother-in-law once again. "I find myself having trouble at times getting excited to have the twins, and I find myself worrying more than being excited; about how this PTSD is going to affect how I'm going to be as a father."