Night of the Living Bitches - 5sos

Chapter 46: the truth

"You asked me to stop going out alone and I brought Blake. I'm sorry Kyleigh that your leg got hurt but I am done apologizing for doing what everyone else doesn't," I tell him as I open the door and walk out. I put my knife into my holster and walk to the wall to take watch for the day. When I start climbing the tower I look out and see Blake walking over to check on me.

"Mind if I come up?" He asks.

"Do I have a choice?" I ask as he's already climbing up. He sits down beside me and I already know what he wants to talk about, "It wasn't the right time. Not in front of everyone like that," I tell him running a nervous hand through my hair.

"It's never going to be the right time but they deserve to know," He says taking my hand in his.

"It's just gonna have them worry more about me going alone. You said you wouldn't tell them," I say remembering the conversation we had the day he found me alone in the woods.

"And I won't but if you talk to Kyleigh," he says before I interrupt him.

"What you want me to stroll up to her one day and tell her I almost killed myself because I didn't want to live in a world where people keep dying left and right?" I ask as he lets out a deep breath.

"We haven't even talked about it yet...would you have done it if I didn't stop you?" he asks.

"No....no I wouldn't have. I just.....do you ever feel like your heart is being ripped out over and over again and no matter what you do it doesn't stop?" I ask looking at a few walkers walking toward our gates.

"Why didn't you do it then? What made you stop?" he asks.

"I found a book on hunting and for some reason, it made me hopeful again. I thought it was a sign or something that we could make this place what it is now. And then I started thinking about Kyleigh.....I know she could survive without me but I couldn't do that to her. Then when you walked in and saw me with the knife and the letter it was a kick in the face. I was running on autopilot for so long after he died and at that moment I woke up. I know I sound ridiculous but that's how it felt," I tell him.

"It's not ridiculous. I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever met and that sometimes even the strongest people face moments of weakness. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to but I think it will help them understand why you need to be alone in the woods sometimes," He says. I know he's right but I can't. I can't go back to everyone walking on eggs shells around me.

"I wish you could have really gotten to know Calum," I tell him sniffling to try and keep the tears in.

"Do you want to talk about him?" he asks putting his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. I shake my head and hold onto the ring that's tied around my neck.

"He would be so proud of us. Of everything we have accomplished in these past couple of months. He would be running around this place knowing everyone's names and making sure people felt at home," I tell him.

"Was he a kid guy? Or would he have run in the other direction?" he asks making me laugh.

"I think at first he would be scared that he would mess up and then realize he loves being a parental figure. He always said to me when we would stay up late to look at the stars....he would always say that we would make it someplace safe and settle down. He wanted two kids and he didn't care what gender they were but he wanted them to be badass zombie killers," I say laughing through the tears.

"What did you want?" He asks rubbing his arm along my own.

"I wanted what he wanted. I wanted the white picket fence kind of life but we knew it was just a dream. At that time we didn't have a secure place and I wouldn't want to raise kids on the road," I tell him.

"Now what's your plan?" He asks.

"Take one day at a time. I'm not going to stop going out to hunt and I need Luke to understand that. I know this is a big ask but if it would make them feel better would you want to come with me? I can teach you how to hunt and in case something happens to me we still have someone to do it," I tell him.

"Don't talk like that. Nothing is going to happen to you"

"I'm just saying it would be a good idea to teach someone what I know. I didn't mean it like that," I tell him, "Aww do you care about me?" I ask narrowing my eyes at him as he rolls his eyes with a smile.

"Stop. You know I do, don't let it go to your head," he says

"Too late," I smile as he pushes my shoulder, "Where are you going?" I ask as he stands up walking to the ladder.

"Someones got to let the group know you're okay," he says sending me a quick wink before climbing down.