The American Assistant (Y/N x Severus Snape)

Chapter 58 - Consent is Hot

March leaves quicker than it came. The windows aren't covered in frost anymore and your bare feet can handle the floors of your chambers. You forget how badly you need to sleep with Severus. You've been having dreams again. Dark dreams where he's lying on a cold ground somewhere with his throat gushing blood. He is always alone in these dreams, which makes you feel even more uneasy. Why are you not there? Have you gone, too?

Tonight is the revel, and you and Severus haven't spoken one word to each other. He hasn't left the Headmaster's office, but has not come to the chambers. You assume he's been helping himself to his clothes and the shower whilst you've been teaching. You wish he'd man up for once and apologize. You wish Lily Potter was never his friend. You wish you weren't so repulsively jealous over a dead woman.

You skim your trunk and wardrobe for a dress for tonight. You pick out the dress you wore to the Yule Ball but magically change the style slightly. Until then, you're keeping locked away in bed. You found a rather delightful mystery in Severus' collection of books that you're already halfway through.

You're trying to get your mind off of what you found in Severus' trunk. Lily Potter's photo. He still has it. Still looks at it. Still savors it.

When you're turning the page to the last chapter, three polite knocks come upon the door. It can be no one other than Severus. You sit up in bed and dog ear the page.

"Go away," you say clearly.

A moment of silence passes, then he asks, "May we talk?"

You bring a pillow into your chest, holding it closely. You squeeze your eyes shut. "Don't want to," you murmur.

A small thud - he must have pressed his head against the door. "I don't either," he admits. "But we must."

You roll your eyes and fall on your side onto the soft mattress of the bed. "Fine," you comply. He gently pushes the chamber door open, slips inside, paces to you. He sits down onto the bed beside you, reaches a spidery hand at you. You pull your head back, glaring up at him.

"I...am under intense stress right now. Dumbledore's portrait reminds me everyday of what is happening and how little progress Potter has made. What little progress we've all made," he begins.

You nod once, understanding. "You don't get to blame your stress for the treatment you give me - your partner, your lover!" you inform, shortly.

He runs his hands through his long, unkempt hair, sighing. "I know. You should know by now, this is how I am," he retorts. He looks at you, grabs your chin. "Listen to me, [first name], I will always love Lily."

You scoff, pulling back. He still reaches out to touch your face with his palm. "But this, what we have...this unexplainable, all-consuming fire that just will not go out. I have never felt this before you. It is something I have never known before you. And I know I never want to give it up, or lose it. I'd rather face death."

You shut your eyes, feel his hand on your cheek. Well, you were not expecting that. Perhaps the war has changed him. You set the pillow aside and lean up, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. He exhales a sigh of relief, wraps his own arms around you.

"I love you so very much," he breathes into you. You smile, nodding.

"And I, you. You're not forgiven yet, though," you confirm.

He slowly lets go of you, looking into your eyes. "The Dark Lord will ask us tonight if we've conceived. You must say you miscarried - which isn't a lie. That we are still trying. I fear he will not be happy."

You bring your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose, groaning obnoxiously loud. Severus chuckles once. He, of all people, knows how infuriating and unfair the Dark Lord is. You're not the one who should be complaining.