MUSEUM OF SEX

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As we pulled up outside the Museum of Sex, I took a deep breath. This was going to be either horribly awkward, or really hilarious. "Let me get the tickets..." Oli insisted as the door slid open and we headed to the ticket counter. "You don't want 'museum of sex' coming up on your credit card statement." he laughed.
"Thanks for your concern." I laughed back. I couldn't believe I had actually agreed to this. With our tickets in hand, we headed to the velvet-lined lift and headed to the 3rd floor.
"So once we're inside I'm leaving you because it's just too weird to be looking at porn and sex toys with you." I admitted with an awkward laugh. It was true... when I was with the girls we laughed together, but with Oli, looking at this stuff could be super weird and uncomfortable.

As the lift opened on the third floor, I beckoned Oli out. "I'm going to look like a total creep walking around here on my own." he said with a tiny hint of concern.
"Trust me, it's going to be more uncomfortable if I'm standing with you." I laughed. I couldn't imagine having to look at vibrators, condoms and karma sutra statues with him, or with anyone other than my girl friends to be honest. How embarrassing. Oli wandered off and I turned right, toward a corner of the museum that just seems to have old porn videos running. It wasn't totally explicit, but I still didn't really need to see it black and white videos of people having sex. I pulled my phone out and sent a message to Behati, knowing she would love an update.

'You will never guess where I am.' I sent.
'Where?' she responded immediately. I snapped a photo of my ticket and sent it to her.
'Museum of sex?!?!?! Wait! You're there with Oli??!?!!' she sent back.
'He wanted to come.' I replied.
'He's going to want to after going there with you!' she replied with a crying with laughter face.
'GROSS BEHATI' I replied at her dirty-minded comment.
'What the fuck girl? He's going to get so turned on.' she protested in the name of Oli's well-being.
'Like I said, it was his idea.' I replied in defence.
'Omg. I cannot believe you took him there.' she messaged.
'Me either. It's so embarrassing.' I replied.
'Go look at the porn, maybe it will make you want to jump his bones.' she said with a wink face.
'I'm in front of it, and I don't want to think about sex.' I said.
'Worried you might suddenly find Oli fucking gorgeous again?' she sent with a tongue out face.
'Haha, Fuck off.' I replied with a smile.
'Hahaha. Well, enjoy the museum and good luck dealing with him after.' she joked.
'I'm sure he can control himself.' I said, defending him.
'Maybe, just don't wear something too sexy to the party or you'll kill him.' she said, referring to the party we were going to later that night.
'Uh huh. Thanks for the advice.' I replied to her with an eye roll.
'Or maybe you should... maybe then you'll get your kiss...' she said cheekily. I just laughed.
'OK I'm going. Talk to you later.' I said, ending our little exchange.

I put my phone away with a little smile still on my lips and as I did, I noticed a guy standing there looking at me.
"Hello." he said, taking a step closer to me. I'm not going to lie, I was completely creeped out since that particular corner of the museum was quite dark and there was nobody else around.
"Hi," I replied cautiously.
"Great videos, huh?" he asked. My skin immediately crawled. "Are you here alone?" he asked as I watched his eyes move from my face down to my feet. I felt absolutely disgusted.
"Um, no I'm here with my boyfriend." I replied quickly, without really thinking, just wanting him to leave me alone.
"What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl to watch these alone?" he asked with a smirk. It was at that point that I refused to entertain the situation for one more second. I excused myself and made a bee-line for the other side of the museum, and for Oli. He was standing in front of some weird sex apparatus when I found him.
"If anyone asks, I'm your girlfriend." I said in a hurried way as I grabbed his arm. He turned and looked at me with the most confused look I've ever seen.
"Some creepy dude was hitting on me in the porn corner!" I cried out in a hushed voice and repulsed shake of my body. Oli laughed, then his face actually turned serious.
"Wait, what? He didn't do anything did he?" he asked with a furrowed brow.
"No, I told him I had a boyfriend and ran away." I said, kind of laughing at myself.
"Well sweetheart, this here is some kind of olden-day sex contraption from Germany." he said loudly in a silly voice. I think he was trying to imitate a historian. I laughed at how stupid he was, but I was really glad he was there.
"Fuck, now I have to walk around with you." I whinged, realising that I didn't really want to be alone again. I guess having to awkwardly watch Oli inspect sex machines was better than some creepy man approaching me in a dark corner.

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