Thief of Twilight

Part Two: Chapter 73

It seemed like the rain wouldn't let up. No matter how much it rained, it just wouldn't stop. Could one of the gods be angry with us? Ji-eun came to the villa today. Even though I told her that she didn't need to come until the rain had stopped. She felt like she wasn't fulfilling her duties to protect me if she remained at the palace.

"You were only to come to see me when I wanted to go to the village to see So-hee, Sun-hee, and Hyemi." I sighed. "If I'm staying at the villa, you don't need to come. I don't want you to get sick from the rain."

"You don't have to worry about me, Lady Abedayo. I will be alright. I will visit you until the emperor returns."

It's funny that she talks about her cousin as Emperor Kang and not Yohan. Beom is Yohan's cousin too but he's much more relaxed. But I guess...since she is a Black Wolf, she  must respond to him differently.

"Lady...Abedayo..."

"Yes?" I continued to watch the rain fall while holding a cup of hot tea to my lips.

"...Have you heard anything about the emperor since his departure?"

"No."

She hesitated before speaking. "I heard that Lord Baek was asked to go to Masir."

I took a sip of tea.

"That usually means...that the emperor is going to stay away for a few more days."

I lowered the cup to my lap. "I see..."

"I just wanted you to know that. I don't want you to be left in the dark."

"How did you hear that?"

"A messenger pigeon arrived at the palace. I overheard Lord Baek talking to Elder Kang and Chief Cheong."

"Oh."

Ji-eun leaned towards me. "Don't be sad. He will be back soon."

"I know..." I held my cup of tea to my lips and drank. "I just...I was just excited to return to the palace..." as I lowered my cup to the table, Ji-eun took it and filled it with more tea."

"Would you like something to eat? You didn't really eat much this morning."

"How do you know that?" I looked up.

"Because I heard one of the servants talking about it. They said that you haven't been eating much these past few days. Since it started raining..."

"I'm fine." I reassured her. "I was just...I'm just a little anxious..."

Ji-eun slowly nodded her head. "If there is anything that I can do to make it better, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Yeah...I'll keep that in mind."

I continued to watch the rain fall until close to sundown. I found myself wandering the villa several times anxiously pacing back and forth. It wasn't until I was in the bath after Ji-eun that I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. Thankfully, I was able to keep quiet and no one noticed. Or...maybe they just couldn't bring themselves to ask me if I was alright.

So this what...it feels like.

To have to wait for days on end without knowing. I see why so many women in power sometimes even men, fall into depression and go insane. I know I'll get used to it. But I didn't expect this sense of longing to be this difficult. I thought it would be...easier to manage.

I laid back on my futon staring up at the ceiling. I could hear the rain tapping against the roof tiles outside. I turned my head to see the dark sky just outside my window. Funny...this reminds me of when Yohan spent the night with me during the monsoon a few weeks before I came here. Covering my eyes with my hands, I took a deep breath.