Demons, Witches, and Toads (BoyxBoy)

The Concert of Mister Pumpernickel

"I think this might just be the most dreadful experience of my entire life," Mulock whispered to Priscilla. "And I've literally been to hell."

"Yeah," Priscilla whispered back. "This is pretty awful. And what was that about hell?"

"Figure of speech, idiot."

"Oh, right."

Upon learning of the infamous Mister Pumpernickel, the Grand Emperor had enrolled the toad in singing lessons, the fruits of which were now being reaped as the entire court was forced to attend his four hour long concert. The toad's progress in vocal abilities had been... minimal to say the least.

"Do you think if I pretended to be dead they'd let me leave?" Mulock asked.

"Maybe. I could volunteer to roll your corpse out."

Mulock sighed heavily, propping his chin up with one hand. "He at least seems to be enjoying himself."

The toad sat on a small velvet pillow, a full orchestra behind him, which (unfortunately) did little to mask the pitch issues. Despite this, the toad looked as happy as it was possible for a toad to look.

Mulock's gaze fell to Wheeler who was at the edge of his seat, watching like a parent about to cry from pride. And he wasn't the only one. The Grand Emperor sat by his side, a single tear rolling down his cheek as Mister Pumpernickel croaked one particularly high note.

In the end, no plans to fake anyone's death managed to be put into motion, and thankfully (after another grueling thirty minutes of torture) the concert drew to a close.

Wheeler and the Grand Emperor immediately sprung to their feet, clapping enthusiastically.

"BRAVA!" the Grand Emperor boomed, beginning to throw roses at the toad. "INCREDIBLE! WHAT A TALENT!"

Priscilla stared at the emperor, dumbfounded. "Did we... watch the same thing?" she whispered to Mulock.

The demon smirked. "Let's just hope he doesn't ask for an encore."

Wheeler bounded over to them now, looking giddy with excitement. "Wasn't that an amazing performance!"

"Well, it was a performance alright," Mulock replied, crossing his arms.

"He has really good, um... stage presence," Priscilla said awkwardly.

"Doesn't he?" Wheeler gushed. "Gosh, I'm so proud!" He grabbed them both by the arm, still beaming. "C'mon! Let's go congratulate him!" As he turned to move, however, he suddenly slammed into someone.

"Ohmygosh," Wheeler gasped. "Osmund, I'm so sorry!"

The shorter prince just smiled kindly. "No worries. I was actually hoping to run into you." He laughed. "Though... perhaps not quite so literally."

Emerging from the crowd and stepping up beside Osmund came the ever silent Roland and Radley. The twins stood on either side of him, cautiously watching over their brother as if they were his bodyguards.

"Anyways," Osmund said, still smiling. "Every year, Father has me and my brothers go on a pilgrimage to the site they say all magic originated. It's kinda like a way to, um... pay our respects to what allowed our country to become so powerful. " He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Emeric never goes, since Father doesn't force him like the rest of us. And I'm sure Father wouldn't mind if you skipped as well. But, uh... I still wanted to extend the invitation." His gaze darted to the floor. "If you don't want to go, I completely understand. Emeric always says it's a huge waste of time."

"I'd be honored to come!" Wheeler said with a grin.

Osmund's eyes widened in excitement. "Really?!"

"Of course!" Wheeler beamed. "Nothing would make me happier."

***

"So," Priscilla said, flopping onto her back on Wheeler's bed. "Seems you're going to finally spend some quality time with your other brothers." She snickered. "Let's hope they're not all as awful as Emeric."

"I think it's virtually impossible for anyone to be as awful as Emeric," Mulock pointed out.

"They seem really nice," Wheeler said with a smile.

"Yeah, but you think everyone is nice," Priscilla added. As she said this, Pip the puppy (who they'd brought inside to keep out of Emeric's cruel clutches) suddenly jumped into her lap, beginning to lick her face.

"Even if they seem pleasant," Mulock murmured, "you should still be careful. We have no idea how much influence Emeric has on them."

"Yeah, who knows if that asshole is planning something-- OW!" Priscilla winced in pain as Pip suddenly sprung from her lap, leaping off the bed. "Pip, what the hell?" She sighed heavily. "God, if only that dog knew how many times we've saved his stupid, fluffy ass."

The puppy darted under Wheeler's bedside table, going to sniff something that was wedged beneath the legs of the nightstand.

"Uuugh, I have no idea what he's trying to eat, but it's definitely something he shouldn't." Priscilla leapt off the bed to retrieve the dog, as well as the item he was currently gnawing on. "Give me that!"

Pip tried to make a run for the door, but Priscilla was faster, scooping him up. After a short struggle, she finally managed to yank the item from his mouth.

"Alrighty," Priscilla said, holding it up to get a better look. "Let's see what we got here." Her eyes narrowed the moment she recognized what it was. "Is this... one of the lube bottles?"

Mulock and Wheeler both froze, their faces going ashen.

"God, not all bottles contain lube, Priscilla," Mulock snapped a little too quickly.

"Yeah," Wheeler stammered. "They can contain a variety of things. Like, uh..."

"Jam," Mulock said.

"Exactly. Or, um... or pickles."

"Or fruit."

"Or soup."

Mulock blinked. "Wait. Do people put soup in bottles?"

"Um... alright, so maybe not soup. How about, err... candy--"

"Okay, you guys do realize you don't need to list off every single item you can put in a bottle, right?" Priscilla interrupted. "And the fact that you feel the need to do so is making this even more suspicious." Her eyes narrowed, staring down at the item. "This is definitely one of the bottles my parents sent me." She gave it a little sniff. "It even smells like the rose perfume they sprayed the box with." Priscilla's eyes narrowed further, eyebrows pressing together, deep in thought. "But one thing still doesn't add up. Why the hell would there be an empty lube bottle in Wheeler's room..." And then suddenly she became aware of the mortified expressions on Mulock and Wheeler's face and it all clicked. "OH MY GOD!" she shrieked. "THE TWO OF YOU ARE FU--"