Initation 1D

64

Chicago

Nothing has and never will work out in my favour. No matter how hard i try, beg, get on my fucking knees. I'm always either punished, lied to or rejected. Well, you know what I've had it. Like had it like how Justin Timberlake left NSYNC. Or how a typical dad leaves to go get milk. And never comes back. Yeah like that, I've been living off cereal and water my whole life and I'm sick of it i want some fucking milk. I know it's not Harry's fault he has a large wall built up in front of him and he's scared to let me inside. But, there's only so much a person can do until their own wall is crumbled and left feeling exhausted and lonely. And that's fucking sad. I will give him my all when he wants to be honest. But for now, I will take a step back and try and fix my wall a little bit. 

"I. I don't know what to do Poppy. Hes hiding so much from me, I can't cope. It's like been with a fucking, ragworm." I huff and cross my arms over my chest like a little child, me and poppy have been talking since i arrived at the hotel. Luckily, she was in the lobby when i arrived. 

"I know babe. But what the fuck is a ragworm?" She raises an eyebrow at me with confusion and slight humour. 

I forgot not everyone watches the discovery channel all the time.

"Its just a stupid sea creature that hides. Like what a weirdo. Like just be out in the open, be exposed. You're gonna die either way." I let out my frustration on some animal that I defiantly didn't do six hours of research on the other night. Poppy looks at me in deep thought until she sits back and sticks her tongue out of her mouth to dampen her lips. 

"Well, maybe this Rayworm thing-" 

"Ragworm" I cut in, making poppy roll her eyes at me in response. 

"Sorry, ragworm. Maybe it's hiding because its their natural instinct and when it's pryed out of its comfort zone it becomes scared and just hides again because it doesn't know any other way to defend its self." 

I bite the inside of my mouth "True. But its so frustrating, Because what if i just want to love the ragworm and it knows i do. But whenever i try and get it to trust me the further away it gets from me. Mentally." 

Poppy nods at me in response. "You might need to give it time. Let the ragworm come to you." This stupid metaphorical shit is so annoying. I huff, feeling so overwhelmed and annoyed that i could scream. 

"I love him. But, I'm sick of fucking waiting. Im done." I snap to myself, almost like I'm trying to convince myself. That I'm done. I feel my sinuses burn with emotion as i try and force myself to distance my emotions from that man i love so much. Poppy puts her lips into a flat line , nodding in agreement before leaning forward, taking my hand into hers. 

"I get that honey. I will always be on your side, Do you understand?" Her voice is firm but warm. Like she's lecturing me because she cares, I squeeze her hand in agreement as i feel my waterworks break open. I dip my head slightly, covering my face with my free hand. Trying to not break down fully.