The Vicodin was starting to kick in which I was grateful for because the pain was subsiding. "Did daddy take you on an adventure?" I asked as the girls cooed and looked up at me.
"Yeah! Was it fun? I'm excited to see what you guys got." I said and caressed their cheeks as the front door opened again.
Colby came back into the room a couple minutes later with a box of donuts in his hand.
"I brought donuts." Colby said as I laughed. "Ooooo nutritious. Gimme." I said then held my hands up as he grinned and handed me the box.
"I want this one." I said then grabbed the chocolate sprinkle donut and handed him the box. "How are you feeling?" Colby asked as I smiled.
"I took another pill this morning, so I'm actually feeling okay." I said then took a bite of the donut in my hand.
"That's good, you look good." He said as I smiled. "Yeah, not as good as these little cuties though! We're they okay with the bottles this morning?" I asked as he nodded.
"They were happy little girls." He said then sat on the ground next to me with a glaze donut in his hand.
"I talked to Chad today." I said as I took Nova's hand, rubbing my thumb along her knuckles. "Yeah? How's he doing?" Colby asked as I sighed.
"He's fine. Dealing with Jarrod has probably been really annoying." I said as Colby scoffed. "Definitely annoying. Has he tried to contact you again?" He asked as I shook my head.
"No, I'm just scared he's gonna try and come here." I said as he tensed slightly. "I don't think he will. He knows I'll kill him." He said as I chuckled.
"Calm down. No more prison, remember?" I asked as he sighed. "He should be in prison. Fucking psycho." He mumbled as I put my hand on his leg.
"Chad told me he's going to try and keep him in Colorado." I said then wiggled Nova's hand causing her to coo and smile up at me.
"He better stay there. I don't want him anywhere near you." Colby said as I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder.
"I know, babe." I said then finished my donut and took Luna's hand, wiggling it also.
"I think I'm gonna try and cook something today. It's been forever." I said, changing the subject. "Yeah?" Colby asked as the girls smiled up at me.
"Yeah. I want to be productive while the Vicodin is in full swing. What should I make?" I asked as he shrugged.
"Whatever you want." He said as I sighed. "I'll have to look through dad's cookbook. He had the best recipes." I said with a sigh.
"Speaking of your dad. Sam and I were talking about where we wanted to go for the next big trip and we were thinking Ohio...I don't know if you would want to come." Colby said as I sighed.
"Why are you so keen on me going to Ohio?" I asked as he shrugged, looking down at the girls.
"I've just been thinking about how you entered the contest all those years ago to talk to your parents, but we've yet to talk to your parents." Colby explained.
"I've talked to them. Whenever I'm on my deathbed they pop up." I said as he sighed. "Do you really think that's them though?" He asked as I clenched my jaw.
"Yes." I said then stood up. "Why wouldn't it be them?" I asked getting defensive.
"There's just no way to prove that it's actually them, and not just your brain making things comfortable for if you were to die." Colby said as I scooped the girls into my arms.
"It's them, Colby." I snapped as he held his hands up in surrender. "I'm not saying it's not. I'm just saying that we don't know." He said as I clenched my jaw and turned to walk to the kitchen.
"V..." Colby said as he followed me. "I just don't want to talk about this." I said then got the girls settled into their swings. "I'm sorry." He said quietly and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"I didn't mean to upset you." He said and rested his chin on my shoulder as I strapped the girls into the swing.
"I know, but those little moments from them are the only thing keeping me from cracking. I can't even fathom the idea of them being figments of my imagination." I said feeling my eyes water.
"I know. I'm sorry. I just think it would be cool to be able to actually try and talk to them where they passed, that way we can know for sure that you're talking to them." Colby explained as I turned around so I could face him.
"I'll think about it." I mumbled then wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. "Maybe if we go we can talk to grams, too. I miss her." I said quietly as he kissed my head.
"You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Plus we have a couple weeks or even months before we go on that trip. We have some places around here we need to go to first." Colby said as I nodded.
"I'll think about it." I repeated then rested my cheek on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat as my mind raced.
I had always wondered if those dreams or visions were real and if I was talking to them. I think I just let myself believe it because I needed the comfort.
It was necessarily out of pocket to assume my body was just trying to get me comfortable with death because I only ever really saw them when I was dying.
I also didn't know if I wanted to go to where the accident happened. I haven't been to the scene of the accident since it took place because I was too heartbroken.
Maybe going would be a good thing. Maybe I would be able to actually see them since my clairvoyance has been so powerful.
It was definitely something to think about.
