Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

52 ➪ You Win This Time.

My hands traced a dusty box, practically ripping at the card board. The box revealed an assortment of bracelets and little knickknacks. I made these bracelets..
I quickly flipped around the box, seeing the name Quackity with a heart written. I felt a rush of sadness wash over me. I was gonna end up like him.

I realized that was no place to look, I turned around. I saw a long desk against the wall filled with machine parts and tools, there was a long metallic lining on the top shelf.
There were a few different razor blades lining it, I grabbed the sharpest one.

I tried walking back upstairs, but Karl saw me walking back up. "Whatcha doin?" He looked suspiciously.

"Uh- nothing" I scattered.

"Yeah.. Sure. What do you have." He walked towards me, pointing to my hidden arm.

"I- Nothing! I swear I don't.. Have anything." I started panicking a little, scared of what he was gonna do.

"Wilbur." He looked at me with stern eyes. I sweat a little.

"Show me your hand."

"No-!?" I yelled, slowly backing up the stairs.

"WILBUR!" He grabbed my arm and yanked my hand to his vision, seeing the blade.

"Wilbur- I.. What..?" His voice wavered and his hands got shaky.

I was shaking along with him, "I'm s-sorry.. I wasn't gonna do anything I just-"

"What were you thinking of doing!?" Karl cried.

"Nothing I swear!-" I lied.

"Then.. What was it for?" He looked up at me with tears rolling.

"To cut something open."

"What?" He tilted his head.

"This new pair of headphones I got.." I tried to make a believable lie with what I had.

"Really.. Why'd you hide it?"

"Because I knew you would react like this." I rolled my eyes convincingly.

"Can I see the headphones?" He smiled.

"Yup!" I put on a happy facade and grinned back. I led him up to my room, just as I put my hand on the door a wave of worry went through me.

I left the note right on my desk.

Shit

Shit

He's gonna see...

Think think

Thi-

"You okay?" He grabbed my arm lightly.

"Mhm! Sorry I just am really tired and I keep zoning out.." I giggled awkwardly.

I opened the door to my room, quickly walking to my desk where I quickly flipped the paper. I grabbed the new headphone box I had and showed him it. "They're cool, huh?" I smiled.

"Nice.. Uh this place is a real mess.. You wanna clean it?" Karl winced, I looked at my room. It looked like a tornado had hit it. Clothes scattered, paper balls left in places, and other sorts.

I felt a little embarrassed, "Sorry.. I. I might."

"Whatever you wanna do! Dont sweat it though." He suggested, walking out of my room.

I can't believe that actually worked..

Stupid.

I flipped back over my note, going over it again.

Im sorry im so so sorry just please dont forget me
Im sorry i care for you all but i just cant anymore
Goodbye :(
       

I felt guilty leaving them like this but I physically can't take it anymore. I put up with so much and being the most hated. Why am I the most hated? Is it because I dont cry at the flick of a hand.. Because I lash out? Because I don't deal with shit the same way as Tommy.. It's always Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. It never won't be Tommy.

Im jealous of Tommy.

I snatched the blade from my desk with unsure hands. Deciding if this was gonna work or not. Slitting my wrists takes too long, Id rather bleed out with one slice.

I took the blade to my throat.

I'm actually doing this.

I'm leaving and there's no way of coming back.

Shit this is gonna hurt.

I held it to my throat, it about an inch away from my skin. So close to just getting it overwith.

I pressed it up against my skin, feeling it dig a tad bit.

oh god this is it

no more tommy

no more karl

no more laughs

no more friends

no more me

I started digging it deeper, desperately trying to break skin.

goodbye.

"WILBUR COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!"

shit

i pulled the blade off of my throat, rubbing it roughly. no blood.

i threw the blade to the ground, standing up.

thanks karl.

you win this time.