Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

25 ➪ Don't Go.

I woke up, another day.. Sigh..

I squinted my eyes and got up. Honestly being through all of this was tiring. It would just get even worse huh.. I opened my phone and was instantly blown away with notifications.. Shit.. they're ALL from Wil..

Wilbur: Tommy where are you?

Wilbur: Tommy

Wilbur: f

Wilbur: j

Wilbur: iendk

Wilbur: FUCKING ANSRF MY GOD

Wilbur: Tommy

Wilbur: WHERED YOU FUCKING GO?

Wilbur: I talked to dad.

Wilbur: you fucking left me here without a goodbye?? whats weong with you i ahate gou so much

Wilbur: sorry. didnt mean that.

Wilbur: but just.

Wilbur: fuck you man.

You can no longer send messages to this receiver.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so fucking bad. I just couldn't..? I tried to atleast cry a tiny bit but no tears appear??? What's wrong with me.. I left Wilbur alone.. He hates me. So does dad. Probably Techno too. I'm a burden to Karl. Wilbur.. He blocked me.. It's hot in my room. Its the fucking middle of the day?! I hate this I want..

I want to die.

What's even the point?

Why do I wake up just to experience more and more shit? I'm not happy and can't believe I ever will be.

I burden everyone. I can't handle myself, what makes them think they can handle me?

Everyone on twitch hates me. They saw me breakdown. Tubbo.. My best friend fucking hates me. Ranboo probably does at this point to.

Im fucking over it.

I got up, having only one thought in my mind.

diediediediediediediedie

Alright.

I walked out of my room quietly and checked if Karl were home.. Luckily he wasn't. I stumbled to his room where I saw the pills.

They weren't where they were yesterday, I started rummaging through his drawers. I messed up his whole room just looking for the item that would kill me. Thank god I did.

I took the pills out of his drawer and stared at them, pale face. I put them in my pocket, walked back to my room and into the bathroom.

I sat on the floor, looking at the bottle of pills. my hands were shaking and I started getting sweaty. I was seriously about to die. I would never see them again. Nothing again. No more pain. What's on the other side? Is there another life? No. Am I actually doing this? If.. If I do this I can't go back, never again.

I poured about 15 of the little bead pellets into my hand.. Oh god.. I'm..

I gulped. Am I actually going through with this?! Jesus christ.. Techno.. Karl.. Wilbur.. Phil.

I suddenly burst into tears, sobbing loudly knowing no one was here to help me. It felt like I had just let out all of the emotions I felt from being beat constantly at home. Being told to kill myself. Being told I'm ugly and fat. Every single fucking thing. I just cried. I couldn't even remember how to take proper breaths I was crying so hard.

It somewhat felt good to let out all of those emotions but at the same time everything was flashing before my very eyes. Cutting myself. Wilburs disorder. Wilburs smoking. Phils neglect. Cutting myself. Karl. Tubbo. Ranboo. Techno helping me. Karl saving me. Cutting myself. Tubbo slapping me. Drowning. Karl killing himself. Getting beat almost to death for days straight. Bleeding out from my head. Not being able to sleep from the pain. Karl taking me..

Now I'm here.. Letting all of that held in guilt and anger and sadness. just everything. out. It hurt to say the least, I couldn't stop ripping my hair and digging my nails into my arms. I couldn't stop sobbing still.

I held the pills up to my mouth.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered to myself.

I shoveled all of the pills into my mouth and tried to swallow most of them, I had to chew some. It tasted horrible. And I mean HORRIBLE.

I instantly started spitting out the awful taste. I sat for a little and felt a little heat rise in my chest. I'm going to die..

I checked my phone once more and saw Karl left me a voice message before he left.

"Good-morning, Tommy! How are you, I hope you can get up and make breakfast for yourself. I can when i'm back if you want. Im going out to get medications and sort for myself. See you when i'm back, I love you! Bye.!"

I could hear Karls smile through the screen and instantly regret what I had done. I felt my mouth turn dryer by the second and my chest started pounding. It felt as if I was about to throw up my own guts.

I started coughing up blood and quickly called Karl. He picked up instantly.

"Hey, Tommy! What's up?" Karl asked.

"K-ka..rl. h..h-help.! Plea.se I can't.. B-brea.the!" I tried to speak to him and ask for help but my mouth couldn't make out words through my coughs. Blood was all over the floor and there was a painful churn in my stomach. Oh god. I regret that.

"Tommy?! What happened?!!! Call the police! I'm almost home I'm parking right now!" Karl cried, obviously scared for me.

"O-k.. P-lease h..urry." My vision was fading a little as I ended call and dialed 999.

"Hello?." I couldn't answer the lady on the other side of the phone, my voice had given out.

"I need you to talk."

"H-..elp." My throat hurt so bad, I heard the hotel door unlock and open.

I suddenly got way more stressed and my vision started fading, I couldn't hold myself up anymore. I then crashed onto the floor, hitting my head in the process.

"I'm sending someone over, stay on the li-" Her voice was cut off by me hanging up on accident.

My eyes started drooping, my whole face felt heavy. I saw rustling in the corner of my vision then heard Karl yelling and screaming.

"TOMMY WAKE UP!! TOMMY STAY HERE THEY ARE GOING TO HELP. Fuck fuck fuck.. fuck." I couldn't hear well anymore. Everything went black and a loud ringing noise crept in my ears.

"Tommy?! please.. Please.."

Karl was sobbing.

"Don't go."