Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

15 ➪ Drowning

𝙺𝚊𝚛𝚕 𝙿𝙾𝚅

I felt guilt rush through my veins when Tommy told me to fuck off. What is wrong with me? Why. Now he hates me. Now he's gonna ignore me. I lost him.

I fell down in the kitchen and layed up against the countertop. I cried into my hands quietly. Do I have anyone who cares about me now? I think Tommy did. I think.

My face felt like it was going to explode, my head was hot and I was absolutely sobbing. I felt disgusting again. I didn't want to ever get up or move. or live.

But I can't even imagine Tommys pain. He has It way worse than me.. Why am I crying? He's the one who's hurting! I'm so fucking dramatic. I hate myself. Everyone hates me.

"Karl?" Quackity and Sapnap were standing in front of me.

I wiped my tears quickly, "Hi guys!" I smiled.

They both looked at each other then back at me with melancholy faces.

"Karl.. What did Tommy say to you?" Sapnap muttered, worried for me.

I tried thinking about it again and instantly broke into tears, Quackity and Sapnap instantly ran over to me and tried comforting me.

"Karl are you ok?!" Sapnap cried.

"Hey hey calm down Karl its fine we're here." Quackity put a hand on my shoulder.

I tried hugging both of them and they hugged me back. Hugs were always how I showed affection, Whenever I was sad I just needed a hug. I like hugging a lot now because I never got hugs. I was alone.

"Am I still alone?"

They both stared at me in disbelief, did I say that out loud? Oh no.

"Karl.. Y-you aren't alone! We care for you.. Even if you think we don't, W-we do!" Sapnap crumbled in front of me.

"Y-yeah! I know you think you're alone you aren't! We are all here.. A-and I know we haven't been checking up too much.. and we're sorry.. B-but just knows we love you." Quackity rambled, I felt tears still dripping, but they weren't sad tears.

They reassured me so much that people cared about me. Although I think I lost a friend. An important friend..

"Do you wanna talk, Karl?" Sapnap asked calmly.

I needed to.. I nodded and explained how he told me I lost his trust.. How I was awful.. How he told me to fuck off. He hates me.

Tommy hates me.

They had their mouths covered and had looks of sympathy. "M-maybe ask him what you can do to make it up..?" Quackity suggested.

"Quackity that's not how it works! It's not like I messed up a school project, this is trust we are talking about! I can't do anything. I've gone off the fucking deep end. I've jumped off the bridge. I can't go back!" I yelled, sobbing and hoping nobody else was listening.

They both didn't know what to do, what could you do in this situation? I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough for you Tommy. I'll try my best to make it not happen again.. I swear.

"I guess you should just see what happens.. Maybe he'll get over it?" Sapnap shrugged.

"I guess.." I sighed and got up. "Thank you, guys." I hugged them.

"We love you Karl, no problem." Quackity smiled and Sapnap nodded.

I smiled back at them and we went outside to swim. I was still and always will be insecure about my body. My scars and my shape. I obviously don't self-harm or not eat. But sometimes it feels like it, I try my best to not fall back into that pit.

"Hey, Karl! I'm feeling better already!" Wilbur smiled at me, I gave him a big hug.

He looked surprised but hugged me back, I was glad he was feeling better. I was glad I could help.

How did I just suddenly get over the Tommy thing? It was obviously creeping in the back of my mind but.. I felt better? You know what it's fine. I'm ok. Yeah.

"Karl come swim!" Dream yelled. I didn't feel like it.

"Not right now! I'm feeling a little sick." I lied to him, he just nodded and continued swimming around with the others. I loved swimming but I couldn't. Sadly.

I suddenly saw Tommy walk out of the door, "Hi, Tommy!" My eyes lit up.

He just gave me a glare and then walked up to Techno and Wilbur, his brothers.

I sighed

𝚃𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚢 𝙿𝙾𝚅

I decided I'd ignore Karl. I didn't want to even be here anymore. Or see his face. I talked to Wilbur and Techno about Tubbo and they were happy for me that we were talking again. That reminded me to talk to Tubbo,

"Hey, Tubbo!" I yelled and ran over to him and Ranboo.

"Hi, Tommy!" They both said in sync and laughed.

"How are you guys doing?" I smiled.

"We're chilling! How about you!" Ranboo smiled.

"Alright.. I guess. I'm mad at Karl." I groaned.

"What'd he do?" Tubbo was curious. I can't tell him.

"I can't tell you.. I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Why?!" Tubbo got aggressive quickly, why?

"Why are you yelling?!" I was scared and so was Ranboo.

"I'm not. Just why?! I thought I was your friend!?" Tubbo argued.

"You weren't until yesterday!" I laughed.

"Shut up! That's my parent's fault!" Tubbo shouted.

"Well, you could've just ignored me!! You didn't have to call me a pig!" I bickered, I was in the right. He didn't need to say those things to me!

"Well, maybe it's because that's the only thing I've been taught!" Tubbo spat.

"That isn't my fault! You should know right from wrong!" I shouted.

"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT? THIS!" Tubbo then punched me in the face, my nose started bleeding heavily. Like heavily.

Everyone gasped as they saw it, It was hard to see but I could feel I was on the ground.

Everything was blurry but I could see Karl above me, shouting something.

"Get off! I yelled, hoping they could hear me. I rolled up and pushed him off of me, the friction with the push also ended up pushing me into the pool.

I started freaking out, I couldn't move. Help.

I watched as everyone looked at me, soon light fading.

Was I drowning?