Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

10 ➪ Come to me, Prick.

I woke up kinda late, about 9am. Ranboo and Tubbo had already left the room, predictable. I went downstairs to see my breakfast on the table. I sat down, seeing Karl washing dishes while the others watched sapnap speedrun minecraft.

"Morning, Tommy!" Karl greeted me.

"Hey.." I greeted back drowsily, rubbing my eyes and looking at my plate. A few strawberries and some toast.

I started cutting up the toast, staring at the knife intensly. Thoughts of cutting myself rushed through my mind like a bullet train. I couldn't focus on keeping my hands steady. Suddenly my arms gave out and I dropped the knife on the floor with a loud bang, to which I flinched.

"Oh my god! Tommy, are you alright?!" Karl instantly ran over to me.

"Yeah? I'm fine I just dropped the kni- .. Oh.." I stared menacingly and my now bleeding leg, watching as the red stuff dripped down.

"Tommy! Stop it! Get up let me help you!" Karl yelled, obviously in a concerned way. I stood up, moving my leg so he could bandage it.

He wrapped a white bandage around my leg tightly before ruffling my hair, "You ok? That cut seemed to not phase you too much." He frowned, a worrying tremble along with it.

"Yeah.. ph-phased.." I mumbled quietly, "S-sorry.. I'm good now." I insisted as I picked up the knife and put it on the table.

"Just be more careful." Karl beamed a smile at me, his energy always cheered me up.

I turned around to the knife, swiftly putting it in my hoodie pocket and continued eating.

After I was done I ran upstairs and put it in my bag carefully. Once I finished hiding it in my bag, Tubbo and Ranboo barged through the door.

"Hey, Tommy!" Ranboo smiled, I sent a slight grin back.

"Whatcha doin?" Tubbo asked.

"I-.. Nothing much, just putting away clothes more neatly." I gave a fake smile.

"Oh. Well we're actually coming here to change, Dream wants us to all go swimming. They have a MASSIVE pool!!" Tubbo exclaimed, thoughts ran wild through my head.

Wrists
Wrists
My wrists
They'll see
They'll see my wrists

"oh god.." I mumbled really quietly under my breath.

"Hm?" Ranboo asked confused.

"A- ah.. Ok, I'll go get dressed!" I excused myself to the bathroom, taking swimshorts.

I looked at myself in the mirror, rolling up my sleeves and seeing my arms covered in red lines.
How am I gonna excuse this one? Stupid.
I ruffled my hands through my hair out of stress, God I'm such a fuck up.

I just decided I wouldnt swim. I'll wear a swimshirt and shorts, I should be fine? Right?

I walked out of the bathroom with a swimshirt on and felt a little better about swimming. Walking downstairs felt like walking into sudden death as I saw everyone in the backyard.