Ch14

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That was the first time since my mother died that I had cried myself to sleep. Helen did not say anything for the rest of the night, not use to consoling someone he remained quiet while holding me tight. It was all I could ask of him.

I woke up alone in my bed, my body sluggish and weary, I don't feel like intermingling today, I don't feel like doing much at all.

I could not recognize the reflection staring back in the shattered remains of the mirror, something so utterly worn and broken, I thought I had managed to mend myself a little better the first time, but the cracks run deeper then I could see.

I cup my hands under the tap, splashing my face a few times with the cold water, running my damp fingers through the strands of hair and tried to smile at myself.

I feel gross. Disgusting. My smile so crooked and forced, I feel entrapped within the walls of my past.

My life has always been a circle, a dog chasing it's own tail, a repetitive loop of forgetting and being forgotten. It needs to end, and it ends with me.

The fake smile falls to a strained glare, a piercing hate filled gaze meant only for me.

The (F/C) watch hugged my wrist, concealed only by my sleeve, I've tried to convince myself Dr. M should bare no blame in my pain, but the label of a birthday gift acted as a needle, the cold steel of the watched pricked my skin, I shall not take it off, not yet.

One month, I'm going to get us out in one month, I need to promise myself this, less I become ensnared in a loop once more.

Helen knocked on the door, "its time for breakfast, you ready to go?"

I grabbed my mask from the side of the sink, looking once more at my reflection with the melted white plastic placed securely on my face, nodding contently when I can no longer compare the reflection to myself.

The nurse lady from the morning prior took us down the hall once more, there is a lot of foot traffic today, doctors, guards, and nurses heading in one direction, Helen mentioned something about a rumor that the schedules where changing, perhaps the faculty members are gathering for a meeting.

"Both of you will be starting in the yard today, breakfast will be late" the lady's monotone voice sounded distant, I am not paying total attention to what's happening, next I know my feet are on the concrete surface of the yard.

The number of people in the yard is larger then yesterday, many separated in groups for themselves, most minding their own business.

The grey sky gave the yard a haunting vise, coating the area a monochrome hue, the soft whispers of the patients drowning out the eerie silence.

Helen took a hold of my sleeve, a grim look in his eyes, he pulled me along by the arm to the direction of the picnic table, the benches already filled with members of the familiar group.

"What is happening?" Helens hushed voice spread through the table, drawing out the quiet conversation already being held.

Nathan spoke up, his deep, gruff voice still perfectly audible despite him trying to whisper, "I heard some nurses talking when I was in my room, apparently some patents died. well not some, a lot, no one we know but the employees are freaking out"

I sat myself beside Jane, resting my chin on my knuckles, "so they are having an emergency meeting, leaving a lot of people unattended in one place is not a great idea"

"They know that" angel huffed, biting on her fingernail, "we have managed to stay under the radar with the normal psychos, but they have been trying to rat out us CPs for a while, there probably going to implement something to speed up the proses"

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