Better Luck Next Time! // Creepypasta x lucky reader

Ch13

It was still early when the doctor came for me, the orientation was not set for another few hours, I left Helen to sleep, quietly leaving with the doctor into the hall, we didn't say a word during the walk, he did glance at me more then once, looking for a good opportunity to start a conversation, it didn't come though, I made sure of that.

He led me into his office, offering me some tea or coffee, I declined, knowing where are conversation will go has put me in a sour mood, a tight wire balled in my chest, it's anxiety inducing.

The doctor clears his throat, he smiled nervously, "would you please remove your mask?"

I reluctantly pulled the plastic from my face, placing it before me on the coffee table, I tried to remain stoic "you wanted to talk doctor, so let's talk"

'Let us get this over with as soon as possible.'

He cleared his throat once more, shifting in his chair, already sweat began to form on his brow "I am unsure where to begin, when your mother first came to me, asking for an evaluation I was surprised to not find anything, the way she explained your situation was nothing but unbelievable."

He kept eye contact, seeing I'm still listing he continued, "though it was a false alarm on your mother's part, I thank her for allowing me to meet you, despite the criticism of my lack of findings.... there where signs of her declining mental state, I tried to get her to see someone, but she refused, she became historical"

He took a breath to steady himself, "I know you blame yourself for what happened but... you are not responsible for that night"

My fingers dug into the cheap leather of the chair, my mind subconscious trying to block out his words.

He rummaged through his inside pockets, pulling out an old worn piece of note paper and placed it on the coffee table beside my mask, "she... intended to end her own life the night of the fire, she wanted to pin the full blame on you. I kept the note for all these years because I didn't-"

"I've already read it"

"... what..."

"The note, I've seen it already, she wrote hundreds of them, nothing has changed, it was my fault" dispute the swirl of emotion I'm feeling I managed to keep my expression neutral, my heart squeezed itself inside, a numbing pain. 

"I reminded her to much of father"

"...no. No dear you are not at fault, please listen to me when I say this"

"The fire started because my luck was trying to prevent an infliction to my mental state, had I not found those written notes perhaps I would agreed with you, but I did, so I don't"

The conversation ended, a heavy silence weighed on both are shoulders, the doctor looked so heartbroken, yet I'm the one who felt like I need to cry, I reach for my mask, desperate to hide the weakness behind it, the doctor grasps my hand before I could reach it, bringing it to his forehead, "(Y/N)... you don't understand how lucky you are..."

My eyes widened, the weight in the air crashes on my shoulders, he didn't understand, these words he says intending to heal me are only tearing open horribly stitched wounds, I'm bleeding, my insides hurt.

Luck.

This fucking luck.

I don't know how lucky I am, you say.

I know all to well.

My jaw locks together, my joins seize, I can't move my body or breath right, I want to go back to my room.

The doctors grip on my hand tightens he takes a deep breath, "I just remembered, I missed your last birthday, I got you something, but you will have to keep it a secret from the employees"

My heart beat quickened in pace, the doctor pulled out a small black box from his coat, "Ta da, I got you a digital watch, I know you like this colour, though it's not much I hope it can make up for missing your birthday"

My birthday...

my hands trembled, I feel faint, if I agree with him, I should be allowed to return to my room, take a hot shower, forget everything that we talked about in this office.

"Y-yes, I like it, thank you Doctor. C-can I return to my room now, orientation is about to start..."

His head poked up, suddenly looking uplifted by my hollow words, "so it is, I'll walk you back"

I walked down the hall in a hurry, bile forming in the back of my throat, I feel nauseous and dizzy, overwhelmed by my own thoughts.

He left me to my room, smiling sadly before leaving me to my thoughts, I raced past the beds and shut myself in the bathroom, holding myself over the sink less I vomit, I dared not cry, not for this, not anymore.

I looked at myself in the mirror, staring into the reflection that looked worse then yesterday, I can't help but laughter at myself, my misfortune is fortunate they say.

"Luck huh, ya I'm so fucking lucky..." my reflection scowled at me, "what are you without luck, nothing that's what!"

A sarcastic grin formed on my reflections face, even me myself is laughing at my situation, my fists balled, blood bubbles from under my nails, I raise my hand above my head.

"You stupid!"

The mirror repealed my fist, the impact echoing around the bathroom.

"Motherless!"

A crack of webbing forms under my bleeding hand, dimming the visibility I have on myself.

"Bastard!"

The ceramic glass shatters into the blood splattered sink, my anger faded all at once, sorrow filled the hole, allowing the pain in my hand to finally be felt.

I hate everything. Just let me disappear already.

A knock on the door pulls me from my situation, "(Y/N), open the door"

Helen's voice is quieter then usual, softer, like talking to a bird that may fly away. I opened the door with a shaking, bleeding hand, hiding my red eyes with my wrist, I almost tackled Helen to the floor, holding him closely, hiding my face in his shoulder.

"Sorry Helen, it's all my fault... I had a bit of a... break down" I tried to steady my voice, unwilling to explain the cause of my state.

Helen wrapped an arm around me, comfortingly rubbing my back, "...fault is used to express blame, and you have nothing to be blamed for"

A soft smile snuck its way to my lips, if I can thank luck for anything right now it would be for not stopping me from letting everything out and for giving me someone to comfort me afterword.

I hold Helen a little closer, tears forcing there way out my eyes.

"I... am such a useless thing"