"Well, he wants chocolate and I would prefer something more unique." I explained as she nodded. "Okay, now we're did you have a vision on a design? Like how many tiers did you want?" She asked as I pulled my phone out.
"Well our venue is a big barn out in the woods, so I was thinking we could do something like this. I don't really know though." I said then looked at Colby. "I think we should do three tiers." He said and nodded.
"I definitely suggest three tiers so you can each pick a flavor and then you can do a traditional white cake on the top tier. I always suggest that so when you cut the cake there's no colors to take away from the moment if that makes sense." Sara explained.
"Yeah, that makes sense." I said as Colby nodded. "You're being quiet." I said and looked over at him. "I just didn't realize how complicated this could be." He said with a laugh and put his hand on my thigh rubbing it gently.
"Yeah, it's all a little overwhelming." I admitted with a laugh. "You're in good hands, when we are done here we will be able to check one box off on your list." Sara said with a warm smile as I put my hand on Colby's.
We spent the next hour or so tasting every cake that they had to offer. Colby decided on a chocolate cake and I went with lemon raspberry. We decided that the chocolate cake would be the biggest tier, the lemon raspberry would be in the middle and the plain white cake would be on top.
We spent a long ass time going over the design also. We did decide to do ivy and leaves going along the side of the cake against a vanilla butter cream so the color would pop.
It felt good to get the cake organized but every time we checked something off of our list the more nervous I would get. It was honestly a strange feeling because I knew I wanted to marry Colby but something was nagging at me to be scared.
Part of me thought it was because of the Peter incident from all those years ago but I knew what was actually causing it.
Everyone I have ever loved dearly has passed away or became abusive. I was absolutely petrified that something was going to happen to Colby.
I knew it was a dark thought, but I couldn't help it.
"Are you okay, V?" Colby asked as we drove home. "Hmm?" I asked and looked over at him. "You're really quiet." He said and took my hand, squeezing it gently.
"Oh...I'm okay." I said and let out a breath. "Don't lie to me, V." He said as I shook my head. "I just..I just don't want to talk about it." I said and looked out the window. "I'm not gonna push you, but I don't think it's good to bottle things in, especially when you're so stressed out." Colby reminded as I sighed.
"It's dumb." I said as he pulled into the driveway. "You're upset, V...it's not dumb." He said then looked at me. "Can we just drop it for now? Please?" I begged as he nodded. "I'm ready whenever you want to talk about it." He said as I nodded and leaned over to kiss his cheek before opening the door so we could go inside.
I hated that my insecurities were coming out more and more with every step of the wedding planning process. This was supposed to be a happy thing but I was just overly stressed and emotional about it.
I just wanted to marry the love of my life.
When we went inside I grabbed the box of RSVPs and went to the kitchen so I could make some dinner while we looked through them.
"What did you want for dinner?" I asked and opened the fridge. "Whatever you want to make, baby." He said then sat down and opened the box. "Are you mad at me?" I asked and turned to face him.
"No, I just wish you would tell me what's going on." He said with a sigh. "Colby..." I said then closed the fridge. "I really care about you, V. Seeing you at war with yourself if killing me." He said as I shook my head. "I'm not at war with myself..I'm just scared." I said and leaned on the counter.
"Do you not want to marry me?" He asked as I shook my head. "No, baby. I want to marry you more than anything. I'm just scared of losing you." I said with a sigh as I scrubbed my face with my hands.
"Hey." Colby said then stood up and walked over to me. "I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly as he pulled my hands from my face so he could look at me. "You don't know that." I whispered and shook my head.
"I guess not, but I know that I'm not going out without a fight." He said and brushed my hair from my face. "I just don't know what I'd do if something happened to you." I admitted as he shook his head and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.
"Try not to think like that. I'm not leaving you." He said and held me as I hugged him back. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I'm so emotional, I seriously never thought I would get married. I have no idea how to handle this." I said with a laugh.
"With me by your side. Forever and always, baby." Colby said then kissed my forehead. "It better be forever." I said then scrunched my nose at him before walking over to the box of RSVPs.
We spent the next couple hours going over them. I never ended up cooking dinner because I was so exhausted, so we just ordered a pizza and tried to chill.
Colby was right when he said that it wasn't healthy for me to be so worked up all the time. I knew what stress could do to a person and that was the last thing I wanted.
I needed to just relax.
