Jealous | Tommyinnit angst

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Is Karl going to be ok?

How am I going to help him?

I'll be useless

nonono-

How will he help me??

I need him..

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, but when I ran to the bathroom I didn't feel the urge to throw up. I more felt the urge to-

nononononono

I don't want to cut myself now

Not here

Not now

Why can't I see?

What am I doing?

I pulled the blade I found out from my pocket, Why did I even take it..? I stared at it, knowing I was going to do it. Why was I doing it..? Can I not go two days without hurting myself? I rolled up my sleeves looking at the cuts I had from the other day. I held the blade to my wrist with a shaky hand.

I pressed down and watched as small beads of blood-forming and then started dripping. I wasn't even crying, It's like I was used to it. It didn't even hurt..? Why isn't it hurting?!

I sliced deeper cuts on my legs and arms, wishing for some sort of pain or relief. I felt nothing and soon realized I was bleeding out tremendously.

I reached for tissues, slowly holding them to my arm. I looked at my old bloodied bandages and sighed. I didn't really want anyone knowing about my deep cuts, not even Karl..

I guess I wasn't bandaging them, so Id have to hide my arms better. I waited till the blood stopped and then walked out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Tommy, you alright?" Karl instantly asked.

"Yup! I'm alright, I'm just a little down about leaving." I sighed, lying a little. I didn't want him to worry too much.

It was nighttime now and I felt gloomy. I've said many times I didn't want to leave and I meant it. I couldn't even sleep. I cut myself again. Karl got mad. If he finds out he will be mad. I have to leave him.

I don't want to.

When It was finally morning, I walked out of bed groggily. I didn't sleep at ALL last night. I wish I did.

"Tommy?? Did you get any sleep?" Ranboo concerned.

"No.." I groaned.

"I'm sorry, I hope you get home well!" Ranboo smiled at me, how did I even hate him before?

I walked downstairs with my bag and Techno said we were going in 10. I was saddened and surprised. I ran up to Karl and jumped him with a hug, he hugged back tightly.

"I'll miss you!" I cried.

"We can still talk, Tommy." Karl laughed.

"It's not the saaaamee..." I whined and jumped off of him, I then went and gave everyone else goodbyes and hugs. I hated the idea of leaving.

When we made it to the airport I instantly for flashbacks to when we came here and got nervous. I hated the plane ride.

"Tommy, just like the way here, you are going to be fine! I and Techno are with you." Wilbur reassured me. I still didn't feel well.

Once we got on the plane I curled up into my knees and started thinking the worst possible thoughts.

What if It crashes.

Is Karl gonna make it home ok?

What if I throw up?

Is Karl ok?

What if the plane opens?

Karl?

I need Karl.

I soon realized I was breathing heavily and Wilbur was trying to calm me down, Although I was blocking him out.

"Sorry, I have a lot on my mind," I spoke.

He nodded and didn't make too much of it.

The plane ride back was treacherous, but eventually, we made it home.

I don't want to be home.