Beyond That

Chapter 47, "Only several times"

Zayn's POV

I sat on the couch with Kara waiting for her to say something. My emotions are all over the place from seeing her again and I might've made a bigger mess of things than I did before.

"Do you want me to answer your question? When will I come back?" she asked.

"I want you to be honest and say whatever you have to say or what you want to say."

"I really missed you and I love you."

"You love me?" I scoffed, "After everything you still love me."

"Yes."

"Then why'd you leave?"

"Because," she sighed, "I didn't know who I was anymore and I needed to find myself. You didn't drive me away so stop thinking that."

"When are you going to learn?"

"Learn what?"

"That I will actually kill you one day."

"Um," she frowned.

"Don't act surprised. No I don't want to but I just know I won't be able to control it, I barely can now."

"At least I'll know you love me," she smiled.

"You can't be serious. You sound stupid," I scoffed.

"Zayn why do you think the worse of yourself? You aren't a bad person so stop trying to make yourself out as one."

"You believe that?"

"I do," she nodded honestly.

"I think it's because you push me a lot and I just want you to stay. Every time something big or tragic happens, you leave me. You say you love me and you're not afraid and I want to believe that but how can I when you walk away every chance you can get."

"I know, and that's not fair to you. I leave because I feel like if I don't leave then you will."

"But that's not true. You know I'm not leaving you Kara."

"I know," she sighed. I pulled her closer to me and cupped her hands in mine.

"I've never loved a human soul the way I love you, well I have but.... it's you too," I smiled.

"Who else is it?" She frowned.

Why the hell did I say that...

"Zayn?" She questioned.

"The boy—I mean the boys."

"Oh."

"Yeah and you're the only one who stuck around through all my shit so without you has been crazy. I actually thought I'd never see you again."

"But I told you in the note that you would."

"After reading that note for the hundredth time, I ripped it up," I admitted, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

"Of course you did," she laughed. "Although that was a bad way or saying goodbye, but I definitely wasn't saying it to your face."

"Yeah you just fucked me and told me you'd be there when I got back," I shrugged.

"My bad for wanting to remember you with a smile on your face."

"Is that how you remembered me for the past weeks?"

"Yeah, in a lot of other different ways too."

"Interesting," I nodded. "I would say the same but I was crying my eyes out everyday."