Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Long Term Effects of Abuse

Now that we've discussed the glorification of abuse, let's talk about: Long Term Effects of Abuse

Let's just tell one more truth? There are many, but how about an honest story?

As you could probably tell, I absolutely hate when authors decide that abuse is just a clever little back story. Do you know what abuse victims would give for it to just simply be a backstory? Do you have even the slightest idea what they would give?

Anything. Absolutely anything.

No doubt. No hesitation. They would give anything.

Because when the victim finally gets help, and word gets out about what happened, life as they knew it is over. Everything changes.

You think it's going to be this magical time when everything is okay and all the pain and worry just goes away, but getting help is only the start of the rest of your life. And it's a long, long life.

As soon as people find out you were a victim of abuse that's what you forever are. Suddenly you lose your identity. Soon you become nothing more than just a survivor and you absolutely resent that term. Survivor

You don't think you're a survivor. That word is for people that have been through hell and you guess you went through hell, but that was just your life. That was something you could handle. For all those years, that was the person you were and you're not a survivor. You were simply living.

So you hate it.

You lose so much sleep over that one stupid word. You'll go night after night staring at the ceiling, wandering around the house, crying in the shower and not because you're reliving the abuse. It's not about reliving things.

It's about regretting things.

You hate that people only see a poor, abused kid when they look at you.

And a very sick, very sad part of you wishes you'd never said anything. That twisted part of you wishes you were still being abused. You hated the abuse, but sometimes you hate the aftershock more.

Back then, things were simple. Everyone was happy. Ignorance was bliss.

Back then, you were a person. And you really, really miss being a person.

You miss being able to have real conversations with people. You miss people treating you like an equal. You miss being able to be sad, or angry, or happy for your own reasons.

When it's all over, you realize that you are and always have been simply an object.

So you miss it. You hate yourself for missing it, but you miss it.

When you survive being abused, you lose every bit of freedom you ever had.

Because living in fear was more freedom than living as a survivor.

As soon as you set a goal people just assume it's because you want to prove you're a survivor. You want to prove that you have control over your hopes and dreams. You want to have control of your life.

You can't simply just set a goal because you want to have a goal. Because you want to work toward something.

It's automatically decided that you set the goal because you were abused.

All the people you meet that learn about your history of abuse are only nice to you because they feel obligated. They think it makes them a bad person to treat you like a human being. That it's insensitive. That they have to walk on glass around you and be caring and understanding. That there are certain things they can't say or do.