Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Perfect Characters and Plots

This is going to be a pretty short rant, I feel like, because I have no time. But I wanted to rant, because I just do.

Let’s talk about: Perfect Characters and Plots

I know we’ve talked about this a lot, but c’mon. I’m kind of just really sick about all this lately.

I just read this story (I won’t tell you the title), but it opened with the MC talking about how perfect she was now that she’s back from fat camp (because apparently there’s something wrong with being bigger). And her mom literally cried because her daughter was now thin and the perfect size (like there’s a perfect size, dumbasses).

So then the MC talks about her mansion that she lives in and all the brand new, brand name things she got for making it through fat camp (which I think is fucking stupid, but what do I know?)

Then the MC goes back to her old school and instantly runs into the most popular guy (who’s totally hot, obviously and has the most perfect washboard abs even though he never works out in any of the chapters (I don’t want to say this anymore. There is a difference between being thin and being in shape.))

He used to make fun of her for being fat, so now she’s out to get him now that she’s thin and totally awesome (fuck her).

So, for some reason I kept reading (it’s like watching a car wreck. You want to look away but you just can’t). And the MC goes to a party with a really hot guy and drinks a ton because she is great with alcohol (because apparently drinking an entire case of beer by yourself doesn’t give you alcohol poisoning).

Then they have the most amazing sex ever (because apparently drunks aren’t sloppy and they don’t just pass out and teenagers are so good at screwing that nothing is ever awful or awkward or just plain wrong).

And even though she was out to just ruin his reputation she falls in love with him and they live happily ever after in her perfect little mansion.

And when it was over (I seriously read all 63 pages in less than half an hour) and at the end all I could think was “the fuck was that?”

You see, there’s nothing wrong with any of those elements, per se (except for the whole fat is bad, thin is awesome and you never have to work out. That was stupid. I'm going to tell you something that is going to sound really cliche and stupid, but here: you can be beautiful regardless of size and shape. It's all about that personality, baby. Own it!). But when we put them all together, it’s just a perfect formula for boring.

A lot of people like to write the perfect characters and plots because life itself isn’t perfect. It’s nice to fantasize about these fairy tales and such and that’s totally fine. Have a guy that’s totally hot. Or maybe a girl that is totally self-confident.

Maybe just once write about a rich character. Or maybe write a parent that is really absorbed in their child.

But don’t put it all together. If I want perfect, I’ll go play with some dolls. Or better yet, I’ll go back out in public.

Isn’t it true that in public we all put on some kind of façade? We don’t really want people to look behind these curtains we put up.

Seriously. Don’t we at least slightly put on a front simply to keep airing our dirty laundry all over the place? If you say no, I’m going to be convinced that you’re lying.

No one wants the world to know what a mess they are internally. No one.

But those elements are what makes us human. Those elements are what make good stories.

You see, the beautiful thing about writers is that they’re supposed to see things that no one else sees.

Writers see behind the rich girl’s fashionable shoes and expensive cars. They see the lipstick on her dad’s collar despite the fact that her mom doesn’t wear makeup.

Writers see past the boy that was blessed with good genetics. They notice the way he goes right home after school to take care of his siblings despite the fact that both his parents sit on their asses all day while the bill collectors keep calling.

Writers see the flaws in perfection. And those are the stories we should tell about.

Maybe the pretty girl has a nice smile (because pretty is a subjective word and anyone can be nice), and maybe no one but writers notice the way she cuts her food into tiny little pieces that she never puts in her mouth. Maybe the quiet kid sits in the back of class and reads a book (because it's fine to be shy and great to read!) and maybe only the writers have realized the quiet kid wears long sleeves in the summer.

You see, it’s okay to have perfect elements in a story.

It’s okay that once in a while, a character can go to a party and get shit faced and be completely happy (because parties can be awesome and drinking doesn't always have to be stupid). But it’s the writers that have to see the way she spends the next morning lying in a puddle of misery on the bathroom floor.

It’s okay to have some crazy awesome sex (because sex is crazy awesome), but the writers have to be attentive enough to notice the way that the relationship has forever changed in a way neither of them thought. The writers have to deal with the spiritual, emotional, and even physical aftermath.

It’s fine to have a parent be supportive and friendly (because not all parents are absent and not all are control freaks), but writers have to be honest enough to see the way it puts pressure on their child. Failure doesn’t just lose a parent. It loses and friend.

It’s your job as writers to see the things no one else does. It’s your job to twist perfection into reality.

So fine. Have your perfect moments.There are perfect moments in life, no matter what anyone tells you. But be strong enough to rationalize them.

Don't just act like everything is rainbows and butterflies.

Be a writer. Be honest. Be brave.

Look through the curtains of the dollhouse and you’ll write a story worth reading.

For story time tonight I'll tell you a really cool reason why my best friend and I are actually the same person.

So, I finally got the okay to start working out again, and it's been the best thing ever. I spend two hours a day working out and it is fantastic. Anyway, so my best friend works out all the time too.

Yesterday, I went a little easier than what I normally do because I'm starting to aggrivate an injury. And he called me last night to tell me that he went easy yesterday because he's starting to aggrivate an injury.

And you guessd it. It's the same injury. Our left knees.

It's almost as great as the time he dislocated his shoulder on the same day (same hour, believe it or not!) I dislocated my hip. We're eerily similar despite the miles between us.

And why is this funny? It's really not. Sorry. I just thought it was cool.