Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Ten Common Misconceptions

Sorry I've been gone. How is everyone?

Have y’all had a good December? Tell me about it!

And I’ll just rant about: Ten Common Misconceptions

Misconception #1: To fire a gun, you pull the trigger.

My dad’s best friend was a champion skeet shooter and I used to always go to the range with him, so I cannot tell you how much this one bothers me.

You do not pull the trigger. You squeeze it. That sounds like it’s not a big difference, but I promise it is. If you pull the trigger you are going to completely screw up your aim and you aren’t going to be in total control.

Don’t wave a gun around like you’re a badass. Respect it. If you don’t, you’ll get shot from your own ignorance and jackassery. Boom.

Misconception #2: It’s not r*pe if you enjoy it.

Arousal is a normal bodily function and although it isn’t common, it isn’t incriminating. It’s rare, yeah, but not impossible, and doesn’t automatically equal a “yes, screw me.”

This is why many male victims don’t come forward, because even though their body’s response might have been natural, they’re shamed into thinking they liked it.

So shut the fuck up. R*pe is the absence of consent, you ignorant assholes.

Misconception #3: Bad boys and villains have to have a dark past to explain their behavior.

I’ve known lots of people that were bad but had a completely cushy childhood.

And obviously, I know people that had a bad childhood and turned out to be nice people. You don’t have to have a reason to be good or bad. It’s a personal choice.

Misconception #4: Sex lasts all night.

Can you say ouch? There’s a reason it’s called “seven minutes of heaven,” kids.

And there is such a thing as recovery time. You can’t just go over and over and over.  Surely you’ve seen the commercials about calling the doctor after four hours? Yeah.

I'm all for making a night out of it, but sheesh. There's more to it than screwing. Ouch...just...ouch.

Misconception #5: Introverts hate people or are simply anti-social.

Not at all! This is one of the hardest things for my best friend to understand, because he’s not an introvert. It drives him crazy that I don’t always want to do all the big events with him, because he thinks it’s a confidence issue.

It’s not. I just don’t always feel like going to dinners or events or even some of the parties he goes to. It’s not that I hate people or I don’t want to socialize. I’ll talk to people, but just when I have something to say.

Obviously, I love partying and bar hopping and such, but sometimes I just like to be alone. It’s that simple.

Introverts don’t have to loathe people or socializing. Sometimes they just want to be alone.

Misconception #6: You have to be skinny to have an eating disorder.

Not true at all. It’s not all about nice little boxes of anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating. IT’s so much more than that. I suggest, you do your research about this.

Eating a sandwich won’t cure you. Telling someone to “snap out of it” isn’t going to make them all better. It’s complex. It’s everything but shallow. Treat it accordingly.

Misconception #7: Depression is just being sad.

No. I promise if you’re sad for two weeks about breaking up with your boyfriend, you aren’t depressed. You’re just sad.

And I’ll leave it at that, because this is such a hot topic I always get bitched out by someone because I’m too unsympathetic.

Misconception #8: You have to follow the rules to be a good writer.

The best writers know the rules well enough to bend them and break them. Sure, it’s best to follow grammar and punctuation stipulations, but honestly, there are no rules for writing.

Make writing your own. Mix things up. Take risks. Make a statement. (Capatalize things, please. That’s no longer cool, okay?)

It’s like the thing in Pirates of the Caribbean. They’re more like guidelines.

Misconception #9: Said is dead.

Horrible, horrible advice. Said is not dead, said is a completely valid word. In fact, it’s so common, it’s actually been shown that readers no longer really notice it. Trying to find a new word for said every time really weighs the readers down and takes away from the actual phrase itself. Pick the dialogue carefully so you don’t have to completely rely on tags.

Misconception #10: You always have to show instead of tell.

Honestly, show instead of tell is the worst advice any writer can get (and you all are totally shocked I said that). To make a story really work, there has to be a very delicate balanced between showing and telling.

Don’t tell the entire story. She woke up. She went downstairs. She had breakfast. She went to school. Elaborate describe. Describe. Show.

But don’t go so far overboard you alienate the reader. It’s okay to tell things sometimes. I promise. It won’t kill you.

After a while you have to stop writing: her hand went through the air, feeling each particle of oxygen hitting her skin, before her flesh wrapped around the white sheet. A crinkling sound drifted to her ears as slowly, she bent her elbow, bringing her hand closer to her face, again feeling the way the cold air of the room ran through the hairs on her arm and the wrinkles in the sheet folding the words as her green eyes passed over them.

Just say she picked up the goddamn piece of paper and read it.

There you go! Ten common misconception. What do you think of them and/or what are some others that you’ve seen? Anything anyone would like to say?

Am I supposed to tell a funny story?

I don’t have one. But I have been coaching a basketball team these last few weeks, and they won their tournament (I’m so proud of those boys! They worked so hard!)

They gave me a little scrap book thing as a thank-you with pictures from our practices and little notes and stuff. It’s so nice and sweet and they wrote their favorite things that I shouted at them.

Except, I don’t remember shouting half the things, but I thought I’d share some with you, because they thought it was funny. So here were a few of the favorites:

“Why are y’all acting so tired? My mascara isn’t even smudged and this shit ain’t waterproof. We gotta sweat harder.”

“I’m the mother fucking queen, which means you either play ball my way, or you can ride the bench like a little pony and pretend you’re a knight, pawn.”

“Listen here, little thundercloud: stop trying to make it rain threes when you’re blocked.”

“Wow, Morrow. At least take me out to dinner and a movie first, because I like to go on a nice date before I get screwed. Post up.”

“Y’all are playing like shit and if you don’t start setting your screens, you’re gonna let the flies in.”

“Hey, Picasso, quit playing in the paint like you’re a goddamn masterpiece, son. Look alive.”

“How the hell do you plan to guard your man who’s over here, when you’re over there? I know he just came up from junior high this year and he still kinda smells like a wet dog, but you gotta be in his face, boy.”

“Hey Nancy Drew, lemme give you a clue. He drives right every. Fucking. Time. Put the pressure on.” (And after he did) “Good work, Detective, now stay with your man.”

Obviously, I don’t go for normal insults.