Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Character Descriptions

If this rant comes off as rude, then...I'm sorry (except, you see, I'm really not.) I've been eating pain pills like candy and in the last week I've gotten a grand total of seven hours of sleep (lethal, I know). So I get to make excuses and bitch and whine and you have to deal with it.

So now, let's talk about: Character Descriptions

Oh hi there! I didn't see you. Let me tell you about myself. My name is Addy. I'm 5'2" and weigh 100 pounds soaking wet. I have long blonde hair that is naturally curly. Sometimes it looks like I have lowlights and sometimes, when I'm in the sun, it looks almost red. Like a strawberry blonde! My eyes are gray, but they change color. Like when I'm tired, they're really pale. But when I'm angry they're like a really dark green. And did I mention that I'm not pretty?

And let me stop, because protocol demands that I tell you my bra size next...

I'm not going to tell you how much (if any) of that is true...but did you guys gag reading that? I gagged writing it...it makes me want to take another pain pill...

Back in my critiquing days I used to harp on the idea of "show, don't tell". (I don't critique anymore (unless you're super appreciative and actually take my advice to heart), because I'm a bitch). But I always, ALWAYS had to suggest "show, don't tell."

Don't tell me your height. Don't tell me your weight. Don't tell me your eye color. SHOW it to me.

So if this is how I look, and I want you to know, I should say: "A blonde curl fell off my forehead and into my gray eyes. Instantly they darkened to green as I glared at the tape measure against the wall. Depression crept into my mind at my stunning realization. I am too small to ride the roller coaster."

Was that more exciting? Probably. (Ignoring the constant use of personal pronouns). Could you picture it better? Probably. (Because you were free to assume and make your own connections). Is that really what I look like? I can't say. (You're probably dying to know what I actually look like now. That makes me laugh).

Don't tell me your character is popular; show me her large group of friends.

 Don't tell me a guy is hot; show me all the girls tossing rocks at his window in the middle of the night.

Use your supporting characters to help show me the important facts. They are there to help the story progress.

And think about this, most people are going to come up with a character in their mind whether you describe them or not. So you can mention their hair color and eye color, but readers are going to imagine whatever they want.

Did you see Leonard DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby when you read the book?

Did you see Channing Tatum as John Tyree or Ryan Gosling as Noah Calhoun when you read the books?

Did you see Nicole Kidman as Ada when you read the book?

And more popular ones:

Did you see Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan? (And no one bitch about how Twilight ruined the world. We'll talk about it later.)

Did you see Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen?

Did you see Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore? (Did you read the books?)

Do you see where this is going?

Unless there is a movie or television adaptation, then your readers are going to imagine the characters based on people they know with the same personalities.

I saw one of my dad's friends as Jay Gatsby. I saw my cousin as John Tyree (in a non-romantic way). I saw my aunt as Ada. I didn't see actors and actresses. I saw what was familiar and you know what? It made me connect with the characters.

And that is what every writer should strive for: getting their readers to connect with their characters.

"But, Addy! I have a whole cast list!"

Not good enough. That's lazy, hiding behind a cast list. Describe the damn character if it's important, but don't go overboard unless you're using that description to further the plot or to show the reader something.

Leave as much as you can open in order for readers to fill in the blanks. That way, they create the character for themselves. It's all that the reader has control of, but once you give them power they will instantly be drawn in. (But don't leave them hanging. They're there to read a story. Give them the important details and don't make them work too hard.)

And my last point: Do NOT, under any circumstances, have your character say "I'm really ugly and/or fat."

Seriously. We're not getting into how subjective beauty and body image are here. It's just...I can't. I won't.

If you're living vicariously through your character, I don't care about your character, I care about you.

Final note:

I will just go ahead and tell you that the more literary analysis I do, the more I find that sometimes you can show too much. (An example would be when introducing a massive amount of characters at once, or comparing two characters. But that will be a matter for another chapter.)

Hope you enjoyed!!

I'm off to work again...so...you can always comment...and/or argue with me. That's always fun...