Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Common Misconceptions about Male and Female Best Friends

How do people without insomnia get shit done? Honestly, I wouldn't sleep eight hours if I could. There is no time. This is one of the great anomalies of the world: how do y'all get anything done with eight hours gone? Very interesting.

I don't want to talk about where I've been. I think I've replied to everyone now. If I haven't, just yell at me in the comments or something. 

And I had to delete the last rant because I can't remember where the fuck I was going with it. Oh well. Someday I'll remember. Today is just not that day.

Instead I wanna talk about another request I got the other day that I thought was hilarious and I wanna do something not serious for the first time in forever: Common Misconceptions about Male and Female Best Friends

Someone sent me this article saying something about "Things Every Girl with a Guy Best Friend Will Understand". I don't.

1. You guys have tried kissing/sex at least once

I hate that everyone assumes that everyone else assumes you guys have to be sleeping together.

Can't we have please have a legit brother/sister dynamic or something? Something where no one suspects anything other than platonic love is going on between the two. That way, if you decide to make them end up together, it's not so totally predictable.

If they're going to mess around at least make it a surprise. Some of you all have no idea what the element of surprise is. I want them to be in this moment of blissful suspense when the impossible happens. That's a dynamic no one explores. Everyone thinks they have to foreshadow. No you don't. As long as there is a plausible set up then you've good to do. (And if you think a plausible setup is synonymous with foreshadow you're wrong. Trust me).

I'm just tired of everyone else in the story knowing the two are going to get together. That doesn't always happen in real life. Not everyone expects that because they're opposite genders. I think if everyone thought that my best friend's dad wouldn't have had that moment of pure horrified confusion when he caught us. God. Talk about scene from the worst horror movie ever. I'm still scarred.

But seriously. Make a shocking reveal scene where everyone finds out something more than just friends is up. Or don't even have them end up together. I like that idea.

2. You both have to be super masculine or super feminine

Nope. Super feminine girls can be best friends with super masculine guys or vice versa. It's fine. The world won't blow up.

You guys know my best friend was like the hard core sports star, but he would do girly things with me. He said he would kill me if I ever told anyone this, but that's been years ago, and I'm not scared of him, but he used to braid my hair for me before track meets and cross country meets and stuff. Seriously. And he's actually very good at braids. My hair was always fabulous for meets. I always always got compliments on it, but I just told them I did it because he didn't want people to know.

I miss having killer hair. Now I really have to do it myself. That's not as fun.

But anyway we did manly stuff together and we did girly stuff together. I wouldn't describe myself as having been super feminine in high school, but I definitely wasn't just a boy with boobs. (That's partially because I'm a runner and I have very unimpressive boobs, but that's neither here nor there).

I used to do really stupid stuff with him that was classically thought of very "boyish" things to do at the time (and if it helps you gauge the time and place, we listened to a lot of Blink-182 and sometimes people called us Hoppus and DeLonge). Very stupid things like car surfing. And roof jumping. And, oh my god, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I used to spit off bridges with him and our friends, because why not?