I had no idea who I expected to open the door of Casa Del Clifford, however the person who answered was far from what I had imagined.
The first thing I took in was a head of noticeably dyed blonde hair. Looking lower I let my eyes wander to a horrific barbiefied plastic surgery mess of a face, before my gaze finally landed on quite possibly the most alarming thing I had ever seen.
At first, I hadn't been sure whether the human, if you could even call it that, in front of me was even human, however as my eyes locked on the disgraceful sight below my eye level I found my answer.
Now I'm not trying to be graphic, or disturbing or whatever, however below the belt of this guy's pants was the sole largest package of junk I had ever laid eyes on. Now I'm not talking well endowed kid, getting hard in his gym shorts big, I'm talking, this thing would have looked awkwardly large on a wooly mammoth.
"Hey guys!" the man greeted cheerfully, as if having junk the size of Texas was normal.
"Hello Mr. Clifford," Calum said stiffly, maintaining an awkward eye contact with his chin.
"Hello," Mr. Clifford replied, "Now who's this?"
Realizing that he was talking about me, I hastily tore my eyes away from his crotch.
"Dad this is Ashton, Ashton this my Dad," Michael said sounding bored as he brushed past his father and into the house.
"Hello Ashton," Mr. Clifford gushed, "I'm George."
"Hey," I mumbled.
"Dad he doesn't want to talk to your weird old ass," Michael huffed.
"Right, sorry," George laughed, as I watched in silent horror, seeing as if I tried talking to my Mom like that, I wouldn't be able to move for a month and a half, "I'll go get you boys a snack."
"Knock before you barge into my room," Michael called after him before tromping over to the stairs, Calum and Luke following after him. "Well don't just stand there like you have a stick up your ass." He called over his shoulder.
Startled, I hurriedly followed after them as they reached the top of the stairs and turned right into the sole largest bedroom I had ever seen.
"Woah," I breathed.
"Shut the door behind you," Michael demanded flopping down onto a bed so large it looked like two or three King sized ones pushed together.
Closing the door I watched as he snapped on the movie theater sized tv on the opposite wall on, where some sort of soccer video game was paused.
"I call player two!" Calum shouted grabbing a second controller.
"Dibs on player three!" Luke yelled, grabbing another.
The three then began playing, completely ignoring me standing there like an idiot in the doorway.
"Uh... What are you guys playing?" I asked nervously.
"What does it look like?" Michael clapped.
"It's FIFA," Calum answered shooting me an apologetic glance, "You can sub in for me after this match."
"Uh that's okay," I mumbled, "I don't really like video games.
Suddenly the game paused and all three boys turned to stare at me in disbelief.
"What?" I asked nervously.
"What is wrong with you?" Michael demanded.
"Nothing?" I stammered.
