“Because you know I’m all about that bass, bout that bass. No treble….”
“Calum shut up!” Michael shouted, nearly falling off the latter where he was stood hanging yellow streamers from the ceiling of his living room.
His eyes widening, Calum, who was standing behind him reached up and steadied him.
“You sing that song one more time, I’m going to beat you violently with your bass until you’re brains ooze out of your nose.” Michael snapped.
“Can you guys not fight?” Destiny whispered.
Glancing over to where she was sat on the floor blowing up pink and blue balloons I sighed. She was somehow smaller then I remembered, thinner and just sad. It was the first day I was seeing her in almost two months and she hadn’t even acknowledged my presence.
“I do what I want Destiny I’m…..”
“Oh my God this looks fabulous!”
Michael screamed, and toppled backwards from the ladder landing on top of Calum as Mr. Clifford dressed like a giant baby, footie pajamas and everything, sauntered into the room.
“Mikey!” Luke cried, running over to them and helping Michael up.
“I’m fine too.” Calum croaked, rubbing the back of his head.
“What are you numskulls doing in here?” Mr. Clifford chuckled.
“Decorating!” Luke cried.
“Why are you dressed like something out of a nightmare?” Michael cried.
“What?” Mr. Clifford laughed, “I’m a baby.”
“Yeah and I’m the pope.” Michael spat.
“I’ve always told you, you should be more religious!” Mr. Clifford laughed.
“Dad, get out of here.” Michael sighed.
“Why?” Mr. Clifford cried, “I want to help! A baby shower is an exciting thing!”
Crossing over to me, he draped an arm over my shoulder, his body order stinging my nostrils worse than a thousand raw onions.
“I remember my first.” Mr. Clifford sighed, “I fornicated with Karen in the hotub…”
“Dad!” Michael screamed, covering his ears.
“Then nine months later Noel popped out of the oven! Little booger was huge! Nearly ripped her mother in half!”
“Oh my God!” Calum cried looking sick.
“Then when Mike came along.”
“Dad!” Michael shouted, “Shut up! Just shut up, shut up!”
“They had to do a c section because that boy had a head like boulder.”
“Dad!”
“Plus, he was feet first which is never good, so they went ahead and snip snipped her, then after that, we thought we were done we I got the old snip snip on my….”
“George Regie Clifford!” Michael roared.
“Yes son?” an oblivious Mr. Clifford asked, while I tried not to be sick.
“Get out!” Michael cried.
“But I’m talking to Asht…..”
“I don’t care if you’re talking to Ceaser from the planet of the apes and he’s telling you the secret to immortality! You’re being a creepy ass old man and scaring my friends! Plus you look like a massive Pedo now if you don’t go upstairs right now so help me God will call Grandma and tell her you’ve been skipping on your meds!”
