Suicide Prevention

Chapter 22: He Can't Love Me

Mikes POV

That shit  funny as fuck that she just asked me that when I was just thinking about that shit. I had asked myself the same question and I knew the answer as I looked into her eyes. She looked so fucking pretty I wanted to kiss her, but she looked so fragile and I didn't want to make her even more scared.

"I know I love you because I jumped on front of a car for you baby. I think about you every day and night." I placed her cheek into my palm. Her skin was so soft I wanted to just fucking hold her and make love to her and make her feel like she is beautiful and worthy of someone’s affection- Because he is definitely worthy of mine. “I know because I am declaring myself to you in a busy ass mall with people staring all in my face and shit.”

I looked into her eyes, but she did not seem to believe me. “Just let me go.” She pulled away from me and took of walking away from the food court. I followed her without hesitation.  I let her walk away from me for the last time. I was tired of her feeling like she needed to protect herself from me. I mean jeesh I fucking love her. What doesn’t she understand about that.

I allowed her to walk all the way out of the mall and sit herself on a bench that was perched beside the mall’s fountain. She placed her face into her palms and I could hear the tears coming from her. What the fuck was her problem? I was basically fucking giving my soul to her and she wants to cry about it. Am I that unlovable? Untrustworthy? What was the fucking problem? It is what people would think if they saw her and I walking down the street. White and Mexican. Rich and Poor. I laid my hand against a wall and watched her think. I wondered what was going through her mind. What was he thinking about?

Then I felt someone tap me on my shoulder. “Mike? Are you okay?” Marshall asked. I still haven’t asked him about his drug dealing. The truth was I did not know how to ask him something like that. I knew that he was only doing it to protect his family, but I didn’t like it. At all.

“I’m fine.”

“Oh my God Kimber!” The white girl Katie ran past me and over to her and sat next to her  and placed an arm around her shoulder. Then they suddenly got up and walked away. I began to follow, but Marshall held me back.

“Let her go man. Let it go. She doesn’t feel the same about you.”

That shit hurt like hell. I knew that she loved me! She had to. It was no one that I could feel this way about a girl and she has no feelings for me. I mean fuck she even let me finger her and I was about to smash, but her mom came home. How can she not love me? I mean I saved her from killing herself. I am the reason that she is still alive and breathing. She owes me her entire soul! And she doesn’t love me?  What kind of bull shit is that? I am not that damned naïve. Fuck no.

I looked up to Marshall and smiled. “She loves me.”

He laughed. “Okay. If you say so.”

Holland stood next to him with a smile on her face. I knew that I was meant for her. What other reason would we have seen each other at the mall? I didn’t even want to come here, but Holland forced us because she wanted Chinese food and Marshall gave in so easily when she displayed her puppy dog face. Fucking weak ass. Then Brandon followed. I wanted to go play some hoops, but here I was at the mall declaring my love and finally feeling happy for the first time since Holland and I went to Disney World and scared the living shit outta Mickey Mouse. Now that shit was just too funny. We snuck up behind him from either side and tackled him to the ground. Now thinking back to it I think that is the most fun Holland ever had. Hm. I’ll have to do something about that.