Suicide Prevention

Chapter 21: Love

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 Mike's POv

This is exactly fucking go around asking girls for advise about anything. All the ever fucking do is jump to fucking conclusions. What the fuck why cant girls be normal and just shut the fuck up sometimes. Fuck. Now it was the fucking awkward silence that filled an area after some thing fucking stupid was said. But I could never be mean to Holland even though she was just as annoying as most fucking girls in this world. I promised her that I would forgive her for anything she ever does to me even if it was embarrassing the fuck outta me on front of the girl I LIKE not love. Wait I don't love her right? Wait..

How do you really know if you love someone any fucking way? Do you think about that person day and night? Well..I do think about her a lot. I mean who wouldn't? She was so fucking beautiful and sexy and she doesn't even know it. Well I want to be the one to fuck her and fucking tell her over and over just lovely she actually is. I want to be the fucking one to fucking whisper nasty ass shit in her ear right before she goes to sleep so she can dream about my pleasing her. I want tl be the one she sees and she automatically smiles and jump me.

But does that mean I love her? That's a strong fucking word that should not be taken lightly. It was serious to know how to love. I always fucking read that romantic shit about the different values of love, but how do you know if you love someone?

How do you ever know? How can you tell? Is it something that pops into your fucking mind while you're doing something totally not related to it.

Have I ever done that?

Well i did think about Kimber while I was fucking the slut of the school. But does that mean I love her, or that I am in fucking love with her sexy insecure ass? Can I really say that when I am not confident about how she feels about me? How can I put myself out when I am not sure what will be returned.

I looked down at Holland who looked regretful, but should she be? Should she be fucking regretful because I cab't admit to myself that I just might be in love.

but how does one fucking know stupid shit like that? How the fuck did Romeo know that he loved that hoe Juliet? All he did was look at her from across the room and spy on her while she stood on the, so how did he know? Did he fucking guess because that's what it seemed like to me shit I don't even think that Shakespeare ass knew how Romeo knew he loved her. they never even kissed until after he already knew. What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

Holland touched my hand and I faintly heard Marshall calling out to me, but fuck that my mind was too far gone with untangling this mystery.

How do you know that you fucking love someone?

It looks so easy in the movies. They kiss, fuck, get married-have kids...

All that within an hour and a half, but here I am after two months and I still can't get over the I love you hump. I should know this shit by now.

"Mike. Um are you okay?" I heard Kimber ask. Her fucking voice turned me the fuck on. Just the sound of it-like a melody streaming through my ears.

I snapped out of my momentary trance and saw that Marshall, Bradon, that girl Katie, Holland, and Kimber were all looking at me with worried expressions. My eyes locked on Kimber. Her green eyes were fucking peering into me for some reason strange to me. It was as if she knew about this internal argument I was having with myself. How could she know.

I took a step back, but kept my eyes on her...She was so fucking beautiful I just wanted to scoop her up and take her to a beautiful place and live with her-forever.

Oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I backed up some more. Her fucking gaze was too fucking much. I could barely breathe. I wanted to kiss her-feel her lips pressed against mine. I wanted to fucking feel her body pressed against mine I wanted to fee her ass in my hands. I wanted...

I wanted.

Her.

I wanted her.

I remember seeing her step in front of that car-my heart stopped for just a second. I just knew that she was speacial, but then to see her at the library-a place I did not want to be verified her to me. She was...

"Mike! Bro! What the fuck?" Bradon called. he sounded pissed-or scared.

Why the fuck am I still staring at her. She was....She is....

Oh NO!!!!!!!!!

Then it hit me like a fucking bulldozer. It was a memory from a few years back. I was 15 and my dad and I were sitting in his study. He had called me in there for the fucking birds and bees talk-he was about three years to late. Just saying.I sat across from him a bit uncomfortable, my dad and I were not ones to have this kids of discussions. In fact I would have a better life if he never talked to me-ever.

"So son..." he said and placed his hands on either side of his master calender that laid on his desk. All of his most important meetings and socials were on their, but not one of Holland's doctor's appointments. To this day I still wonder if he wanted to forget them on purpose so she could miss her prescription and die just so he woudn't have to deal with her anymore. Asshole. "Have you found any girls that are your type just yet? I know you are young, but you are not to young to...grow up." he said uncomfortably.

I laughed. "Oh believe me I have already grew up. Many times."

He slammed his hand down. "What are you talking about."

"Man I'm talking bout bangin them honeys pops! let me tell you about this one I had bent over the bed. She was moaning my name and-"

He cut me off. "Shut-up! You are not supposed to go around doing the nasty with anyone. You are supposed to save that for the woman you love. You can get someone pregnant." Oh yeah he was mad. Too funny.

"Naw! I don't do love. I'd rather have sex, sex, sex..." I thought for a second. "Beside who knows what love is anyway? "

"Son..when you find the one you love you'll know it."

"How?" I asked not really wanting to know the answer. Not really giving a fuck. Fuck love. I have seen love first hand. Weren't families supposed to have the ultimate love for each other.

Well the love I saw in my family was my dad yelling at my mom that she should have aborted my sister because she was nothing but a problem. And that was the ultimate love? Well how the fuck is the rest of love.

"You will know that you love someone when you risk your life for them.'

I laughed. "Like jumo in front of a car for them? Well I don't think I am ever gonna do nothign stupid lke that for anyone-maybe Bradon and marshall, but I don't like them like that. Well I gotta go. See ya."

Oh No!!!!!!!!

The memory was enough to clarify that I loved her.

Oh fuck! I was in some deep shit. Deep deep deep deep deep horse shit.

Fuck me now.

 Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know that it was kinda boring, but I wnated to put you into the mind of Mike and learn a little more about him.

Read on my lovely readers and fans and voters....