The Adventures Of A Lost Girl

Good Enough

Good Enough by little mix.

For this I won't be telling the backstory, it'll hopefully speak for itself.

You had been in Neverland for a year, you have yet to open up to anyone.

It has been a lonely year.

"Y/N!" Pan shouted catching up to you, "come on, let's go hunting."

"No." You said flatly and walked into your tent.

You heard Pan let out a sigh of anger and follow you in.

*Pans POV*

No one angered me more than Y/N. Silent, closed off Y/N.

"Let's talk." He attempted to say cheerfully.

"Let's not." You mimicked.

"You don't get a choice."  He lost the funny demeanor and looked at you seriously.

"I don't get a choice?" She let out a dark laugh, I hated it. "Get the fuck out." She hissed.

"You don't get to order me around Lost Girl."

"Same goes for you Lost Boy." She spun to face me more clearly, so much rage was sparked in those eyes.

I reined in my temper, "talk to me."

"Let me think about," she paused, "no." She spun to mess with something on her nightstand.

"Y/N-"

"GET OUT PAN!" She screamed, her voice cracked, she turned to me, "you have no idea what privacy is! Get the hell out of my space!"

"No! Not until I know what's going on with you!"

"Nothing's going on, I'm just bland."  She shrugged nonchalantly.

"You are anything but that."

She just stared at me, as if she was shocked I wanted to know more about her, "what do you want?" She let out a whisper as she looked to the ground.

"I don't see why you push me away." I said defeatedly.

"I push people away to protect myself Pan, not to hurt others." She messed with her ring.

"Why do you need to protect yourself?"

"Because if I don't who will?" She shrugged and  looked at me, I saw tears well up.

"Who? Who hurt you this bad Y/N?" I whispered.

She shook her head, "just go."

"What?" I asked, I couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Just. Go."

"No, I want to talk about this."

"It's dark."

"I like dark." I shrugged and tipped her head up.

"A lot of people hurt me not just physically but emotionally too." She whispered, the first tear ran down her cheek.

"What do they do Y/N?" I wiped the stray tear away.

"I was never the best at school, I was stupid and weird. I tried to help others but in the end, I couldn't. I couldn't comprehend things as easily as the other kids."

I was about to say something, what? I don't  know.

But she kept talking, "I was called things like Stupid, Ugly, Weird, Loser," she laughed but it wasn't full of sunshine, it reeked of the dead. "But you know what was worse?"

"What?" I whispered, my voice barely reaching an audible octave.

"What's worse is that they didn't call me those things I did. I emotionally abused myself. My own mind turned against me, it told me how worthless I was. You do not know pain until it stares you in the eye, and you find yourself saying these things to you. You don't know pain until you have to beg yourself to hang on for one day because it couldn't get worse than what you're dealing with." More tears streamed down her face. 

"Y/N..." My heart snapped in two.

"Don't say you're sorry, I spent years of my life of people saying they're sorry that i'm dealing with my illness. Well listen Pan, those apologies were worthless."

"People think mental illnesses go away but guess what they will haunt you until your fucking grave. Just because you cant see it, doesn't mean it's not there."

"You know what people used to tell me? Get over it or you're being ridiculous or my personal favorite, millions of people have it worse. Well at least they can see their enemy, I wish I could."

"The moral of the story Pan," she raked her hands through her hair, "I protect myself because no one will. I make sure people are okay because no one ever asked me if I was okay when I needed them to."

"You never forget the feeling of you giving up on yourself. I was unhappy for three years of my life, I hated myself for three years. You never forget looking your loved one in the eye while saying 'I need help' so you can fix yourself. No one not once, ever asked if I was okay, I had shielded myself with armor that impenetrable. I will never forget the words that echoed in my head, every single night for three years that's all I heard."

That's when she broke.

Tears sprung out her eyes and she started bawling, I jumped forward and wrapped her up in my arms.

"I got you." I whispered.

It'd take a lot to get her better but she would.

I would make sure of it.

This Chapter was hard.

Not because it's a sensitive topic but because it all happened to me.

The reason I apologize for my actions when I know I didn't do shit is because I still feel like I did.

The reason I ask if someone is okay a lot is because no one ever asked me if I was okay when I needed it most.

I didn't want to drag this out, and make it unnecessarily long. I wanted it to be straight to the point.

Truth be told, I wanted you guys to read this, not because I wanted to make you sad. I wanted to make others realize this stuff is real and it's terrifying when you can't even help yourself.

Wattpad tends to be the more understanding community there is.

I have good news: I'm doing a lot better now, this was just hard for me to write (that's why I didn't update this last sunday).

I still have my dark days, but I have a lot more brighter ones than dark.

Sunday will have a way more happier and badass chapter.

PSA: if you guys ever, ever need anything (I don't care what, you could just want to tell me about something exciting or to rant about something) and I'll be there. I want to be there for someone because I know how it feels for no one to be there. I want to be there for you guys cause y'all are part of the reason i'm happier💜