Happily (Niall Horan)

Chapter Fifty- Nine: Paralyzed

Friday, November 22, 2013:

Hayleigh:

"Hayleigh Ryan, One Direction's best friend, makes the headlines for us again as we captured her with yet another guy this morning! She's been supposedly dating Evan Line for a while now, as they post tons of pictures on Instagram but have they called it off? Monday they were photographed enjoying themselves while shopping, but later on Wednesday we spot her with none other than Harry Styles. The two were seen laughing while roaming around London, and then today we see with Hayleigh a new face. The directioners have been shipping her with Niall Horan for years, as the two constantly post things of them saying they love each other and kissing the other's cheek. The name of her fourth guy has not been identified, but you can see below them enjoying a delicious lunch at a café. What do you guys think about Hayleigh making her way around? Who do you think she'll date, rumors say she even has crush on her best friend's ex!? Please tell us your opinions by using the hashtag Hayleigh Exposed and we'll see you later on Celebrities: Debunked!"

My eyes scan over the article again and again, anger building up in my gut as it sinks in. I am not making my way around! Harry, Niall and I are just friends and I am still happily dating Evan. Even though I know better, I can't help but let my fingers click on the hashtag. My breath hitches as comments flood in, each one more rude than the one before.

Wow, four guys in less than a week? Even Taylor Swift wouldn't do that.

I used to think Hayleigh was alright but hitting on her friend's ex? Ouch.

What do Harry and Niall see in her? I thought they knew better.

That moment when you find out your idol's bff is a slut.

I will kill her if Harry and Niall fight over her! She's not worth it.

Harry has dated some bad people but this is a new low. I mean why date someone that plump?

Maybe she's self conscious and needs guys, but then they just realize how ugly she is. I mean she has gained some weight.

Poor Evan, he doesn't even know he's dating a cheating whore.

Tears prickle at my eyes as I abruptly lock my phone shut. That "new guy" was a client; I was helping him sort out all the details for when I photograph his surprise engagement. Plus Harry and Niall? Since when is it a crime to hang out with my friends? I haven't talked to Niall in a week or two anyways since he's been busy with the upcoming album and the live stream they're doing. "Why am I crying?" I mumble to myself. Because you're weak.

"Leigh?" Presley softly knocks at my door. I sniffle, wiping my face with my T-shirt.

"Yeah?"

"Dinner with the boys got cancelled," she informs me through the wood. "They got called in to go over last minute details for 1D Day tomorrow."

"It's fine," I reply to her. "Do you want to order in tonight?"

"I already called," she chuckles. "I got us a pizza and it's on the way here."

"I'll be down in a minute," I say, my eyes glancing around my room for an excuse. "I want to finish the chapter in my book."

"Okay, I'll go ahead and set the table then." I hear her walk away before letting myself bury my head in my hands. Why me? Why couldn't I befriend a normal human being three years ago and not a pop-star?

However, I know I wouldn't trade my friendship with Niall or the boys for the world, even with the mess that I've been going through with him. I still love him, and try to hang out when he can but it's just not the same anymore. We both have changed and I don't think it will ever go back to the way it was. When it was just Hayleigh and Niall; nobody except him and me.

You would think that by now I'd be used to it all, the hate and everything, but the comments that attacked me and my body, hurt.

Keeping my eyes closed, I take deep breaths for a few minutes to keep myself from getting overwhelmed and squeeze them tighter when a tear slips down my cheek. I hear the doorbell from downstairs, signaling the pizza's arrival. Presley calls my name making me slowly get up from my bed, grabbing the wall for support as I wobble slightly.  I glance at my appearance in my mirror as I pass it, making sure my eyes weren't too red before walking to the kitchen.

Presley grins when she sees me, handing me a paper plate with a giant slice of supreme pizza on it. However, it slowly fades as I force one back at her, sniffling to keep my nose from running. "Leigh, what's wrong?"

"The ending of the Fault In Our Stars," I lie through my teeth, chuckling to make it seem believable. "John Green has no heart. I'm fine though."

She giggles, "You've read that book so many times and every time you cry at the end."

"I can't help it," I nibble at a piece of pepperoni, not really hungry but try because she would notice if I don't. "He shouldn't have died."

"It does make it seem realistic though," Pres comments, sitting down next to me with two bottles of water. "I mean, not everyone in life will get a happy ending unfortunately."

I let a moment pass, taking it in to absorb her words before mumbling under my breath. "Everyone deserves one." Everyone except you.

We continue eating, but every bite I take makes me feel worse. I swallow a bit more before a sick feeling rises in my gut causing me to hop up from my seat. Presley jumps, startled as I run  up towards the  guest bathroom, not being able to keep it down anymore. I hunch over and release everything, my head pounding from an upcoming migraine and my heart beating too fast for me to handle. Presley pulls my hair back behind my ears, rubbing my back to soothe me. I fall back with my eyes closed and a nasty taste in my mouth. "I don't feel so good," I tell her, my mind spinning and overwhelming me.

"Maybe you should retire early tonight," she replies softly, helping me off the floor. "Take a shower, and I'll make you some tea before you go to bed." I give her arm a light squeeze as a thank you and go into my room.

Turning on some music, I step into the shower, my thoughts swallowing me whole. My mouth stays closed, not singing along like I usually would until one by one tears begin to fall from my eyes. I try to wipe them away but it's useless as they stream down my face. Every feeling and emotion I have been pushing away comes at me full force, rattling my whole body.

All the impressions of Niall, Zoe, Evan, and the fans with their hateful words taunt me as I slowly fall to the floor, curling myself into a ball as the water hits my back. My whole body turns frozen as the words of the song playing hits my ears, but allows me let out a sob.

"I'm paralyzed, where are my feelings?

I no longer feel things, I know I should.

I'm paralyzed, where is the real me?

I'm lost and it kills me, inside. I'm paralyzed.

When did I become so cold? When did I become ashamed?

Oh, where's the person I know? They must've left, they must've left with all my faith..."

Though it goes on, I force myself to block it but that is what allows my thoughts to gain a larger voice. I grip the sides of my hair in frustration as they mock and sneer with every second that passes as I try to keep my sanity. They force memories and hauntings,  from when I first met him, all the tears I have cried, all the fights we have had, all the insults from Barbara, all the bruises and scars that I have buried deep inside of me for so long...to finally escape.