Chilton Academy (Spanking Story)

A Place to Think...and Scream

I ran without direction, I didn't care where I was going as long as it was away from my house. When my feet finally stopped, I found myself at the cemetery. I hadn't been here for a long time, not since my rebellion period after my parent's death. To be honest, I didn't care much for cemeteries. Joe and Nick visit here every year on those mandatory days...birthdays, holidays, the anniversary of the crash...not me; The cemetery served no more than a constant reminder that they were gone and I wanted nothing to do with it. I guess it was a bitter irony that it housed my thinking tree. This is where I sat the day my parents were buried, under this massive tree. This is where I came to think when things became too hard for me to handle. I slumped under the massive tree and grabbed a rock from the ground, chucking it in the direction of my parent's grave, not 50 feet away. "I HATE YOU," I yelled, grabbing another rock and chucking it. "DO YOU HEAR ME?! I HATE YOU!" My body buzzed with rage as I screamed. Of course, they didn't hear me. They were gone. They would never hear me. They weren't here to scold me when I made mistakes. They weren't here... and they never would be. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried. I cried for about half an hour before I felt someone sit down beside me, I raised my head to see Morgan's Dad, Pastor Jim. "How did you know where I was," I asked, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

He shrugged. "Your brother called Morgan to see if she knew where you were, said you were having a rough day...I took a wild guess. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I feel cheated because they died...is that selfish?" I questioned tears starting to fall again.

"No, I'd say that is pretty normal," he answered. "How do you feel cheated?"

"You remember that boy I told you about a couple of years ago?" It had been years since I told him about Matt, I don't know why he would remember a silly girl crush.

"Matt, right?" I nodded. "Do you still like him?" he questioned, making me giggle slightly.

"Yes, we are dating now."

"Well, then I guess it's good that you still like him," he added, trying to lighten the mood.

"I have my very first boyfriend and they will never get to meet him. Dad isn't here to fuss over me liking some boy, Mom isn't here to talk about the girlie things. They won't be here to see me get married someday or hold their grandchildren, and it makes me so angry," I said, letting tears fall again. "You would think I would be over this by now."

"Cecelia, losing someone isn't something you get over. There will be things you see, hear, and experience every day that will remind you of them, and its ok to feel sad or angry." He said, trying to reassure me that my feelings were justified. "So, you snuck out last night?"

I cocked a brow in shock. "Does God tell you these things or ..."

Jim chuckled. " I heard Nick ask Morgan," he clarified and suddenly I felt embarrassed. "So where did you go?"

"To the movies with Matt," I confessed. He nodded. "Nick was really upset."

"I'm sure he was scared. It's a scary thing not knowing where your child is."

"But I'm not his child. What I wouldn't give to hear my Dad just yell at me," I said before tearfully giggling at my own comment. "That is so messed up."

"I know you are not his child, but he is helping raise you, and he loves you more than anything. To not know where someone you love is or if they are ok, even if for a short time, is a horrible feeling."

I sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what their lives would be like if I wasn't here."

Jim cocked a brow, "Why would you ever say something like that?"

I shrugged, "I was a mistake. They were only supposed to have the boys. If I hadn't been born, they wouldn't be stuck raising me."

"Cecelia, you weren't planned, but you are far from a mistake," Jim said before his lips upturned, and he chuckled.

"What?" I questioned, confused by his sudden laughter.

"I remember when your mom found out she was having a girl...she was SO excited. Karen had just found out she was having Morgan, and those two were nearly impossible to be around, like two giddy teenagers. Every day gushing over different shades of pink paint and frilly pink outfits...going on and on about how the two of you would be best friends like them; Your dad however was so scared, nothing scared that man but the idea of you turned him to jello...it was pretty funny."

"I didn't know any of that." I said, my eyes filling with tears again.

"Cecelia, you weren't a mistake. You were a blessing. You need to know that," Jim said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into a hug.

"So he was scared, huh?" I asked a small smile on my face.

Jim chuckled. "Oh my gosh...He was TERRIFIED. Boys are easy...but girls, we just don't understand, and it doesn't improve with age. The idea of raising a girl was crippling to your dad but the day you were born it was a struggle convincing him to let anyone else hold you and you couldn't slap that grin off his face if you tried. You are definitely a blessing."

The smile that had come to my face slowly faded. "I'm not so sure the boys think so," I said, dropping my head.

"Those boys love you more than you will ever know," he said knowingly.

"I told them I hated them," I said, tearing up yet again.

"Your parents?"

"And the boys...sometimes I feel like they resent me. Their lives would be so different if they didn't have to raise a kid."

"Different, yes, but not better. If this is something that has been bothering you, you should talk to them about it. Let them know how you feel," Jim said, giving me another squeeze of reassurance. I nodded. "Hey, and we aren't your Mom and Dad, but I'd like to think we are a pretty good substitute...you can come talk to Karen or I anytime you want." I nodded,"I can even yell at you if you want," Jim added with a smile.

I tearfully giggled, "Ok."

"You want me to give you a ride home?" Jim asked, standing and offering me a hand up.

I took his hand and stood brushing off the back of my skirt, "You are the only one who knows about my tree."

Jim smiled and pulled me into a hug, kissing the top of my head, "Your secret is safe with me."

Chapter End Notes:

If you have ever dealt with a loss, especially as a teen, this chapter will make a lot of sense...if you haven't, you may think CeCe is bi-polar....I assure you she is not but at this point I assume you would love her either way 🤪