Psycho→𝙅𝙅𝙆

49. Always a psycho

I thought I would've been done by yesterday but ended up typing too much to the point that this chapter is officially the longest chapter in the book. 5.8k words! I apologise if any of you despise long chapters but what can I say, Jungkook's reaction alone has 1k words 😭 My boy was going through it! Anyways happy reading.

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unedited 

Piece of Jungkook's mind

I remember that day clearly. Jin's strong grip on my shoulder snapping me out of the haze that sucked me in. The gazillion blur of people around me; loud cheer, screeching cries and pathetic pleads. That's how I met my wife. That was the ugly reality of our fucked up beginning.

She was a broken soul and I wasn't a saint.

In fact, a selfish bastard like me grew up not looking twice in the direction of people in need. So who would've thought I would find myself in a situation like this? In a warm home, a cosy place and under a star-filled, moonlit sky; the same broken woman saying the three words I never knew I was capable of hearing.

However, the broken soul didn't look so broken anymore. Once the scarred girl, who timidly stepped inside my house, terrified of mankind, fragile and vigorously shaking in fear is now glowing; her eyes glistening, cheeks reddening and lips trembling. She looks beautiful. The most ethereal creation I have ever laid my eyes upon.

She's a fighter, my wife. Survived the worst of humanity yet she was standing before me, looking as radiant and lively as ever. Her trauma ran deeper than I could ever imagine. It took five and half years for her to accept that her past is just that, a past. But even then, for a lot of survivors, five years aren't enough. In fact, my wife is still struggling and we still have a long way to go.

But she now knows that she is protected here. Her past will never haunt her unless she allows it to hunt her. I am aware that there are a few scars that aren't replaceable. No matter how much we try, she will never recover from those. And that's okay. Scars aren't meant to be replaced, they are meant to be worn proudly, reminding herself of what a strong person she is and what battle she fought and won. As long as she sees the scars as medals, not burdens.

And that's exactly what she struggled with. To separate the fragment of her trauma from her current reality. The past and her present.

After five years of me knowing her and almost three years of our marriage, for a moment, I forgot that this is a battle to help recover Y/n's long-lost humanity, not my selfish and fucked up wish for her to fall for me. She needed my help, my support... Not the weight of expectations that she needs to feel a certain way for me.

And I wanted to fix that mistake. I wanted to let her go and was ready to accept that she will never return my feelings.

She didn't have to. She owed me nothing.

Then it all changed. After her kidnapping, she became hellbent on returning to me. How could I take her back knowing that, her recovery with me ended the day I decided to expect feelings in return? What should've been me being selfless to allow her to rise, I became greedy and wanted more from her.

I thought my love for her was my strength, but it became a weakness, an obstacle for Y/n from recovering. How could I explain to her that I am her downfall? But my wife did not listen. She thinks she's the problem and I left because she hurt me. But in reality, I am the cause of all failure. Then she proposed a deal that I couldn't refuse. I supposed if this motivates her healing, then be it.

But I never told her that I never truly planned to come back to her. Because she deserves someone better than me. Even though, the thought of her with someone else sets a living fire in me. Murderous thought blooms inside my being every time I picture a nonexistent man that will be worthy of her.