The Lives Of The Romanovs

Making Amends

Tatiana

I received a telephone call that morning. Dmitri had asked that I got the palace. He wanted to speak to me face-to-face. I knew I was not going to escape him. Dmitri was still my husband after all. I reluctantly agreed to go to the Beloselsky-Belozersky Palace. We agreed to have a discussion over tea.

I was escorted into my home by the chauffeur, just to make sure everything was alright. Upon entering, the staff smiled at me and welcomed me back. They all seemed to have missed me so. I wondered just how things had been since I left with the children. Dmitri was hot-tempered and an angry person, and no one was here to keep him in line. The poor servants.

"Tatiana Nikolaevna. His Imperial Highness is already in the tearoom. Would you like me to escort you to him?" The butler asked me and took my coat.

"Oh, if you would. That would be appreciated."

"And if I may ask, ma'am, how have you been? I hope you are well."

I faked a smile. "I am as well as I can be. But I am happy to see your face along with everyone else's. It has been a bit lonely."

"I see. Come ma'am."

We went up the stairs and around the halls. The palace still looked the same. Although, it was a bit gloomier. The lack of the children's laughter and scurrying in the halls made it seem cold. As we walked into the room where Dmitri was, he looked different. He was much thinner. His face was even slightly sunken in. Dmitri was pale and had a small beard growing. The beard made him look handsome, I will say that. He looked much more mature.

"Tatiana Nikolaevna, sir." The butler said. Dmitri looked over at me, a small smile spread across his face.

"Tanya. Please, take a seat." Dmitri nodded at the chair next to him. I weakly smiled back and sat down in the chair. He looked at me differently. He looked at me like the Dmitri who I was betrothed to. And that made me almost melt.

"Hello Dima." I reached for the tea. He stopped me and grabbed the teapot himself.

"Allow me, please." Dmitri said. He poured the tea into the cup. "No sugar cubes or honey, correct?"

I smiled wider. "That is right."

"I will never forget your plain tea taste."

"Hey, do not tease me. It tastes good to me." I giggled. He laughed along with me. Dmitri reached into his pocket and pulled out his case of cigarettes. He reached them out to me, to which I rejected one. He took one and put it between his lips. Dmitri slowly lit it, and then inhaled it. He exhaled the spoke, not breaking eye-contact with me.

"Well...how has it been? How are the children?"

"Fine. Little Dmitri finally said his first sentence."

Dmitri gasped. "Poppycock! What did he say?"

"'I want my papa." It was heartbreaking, really. But he misses you most. Little Dmitri loves him so."

Dmitri frowned and looked down at his tea. "Tell him that I miss him as well. I miss all the children, truly. Especially Baby Irina. She is my little soldier."

"Oh, believe me. We all know. Everything about our daughter is you. She seems to be sweet, but is a complete firecracker on the inside!" I chuckled and look a sip of my tea.

"And Beth? I sent her a birthday card."

"Yes, she's well. She is saying some words. Beth is one now, can you believe it?"

"No, I cannot," Dmitri shook his head. "And Olga's son? I hear Ivan is having a terrible bleed. I have been praying for him."

I nodded. "I spoke on the telephone with Olga earlier this morning. Ivan is not doing well at all. We do not think...oh Dmitri, we do not believe he is going to make it."

"Poor Ivan. I cannot imagine going through what Olga and Igor are. Everything has changed. From the time during the war to now. The time is going by so fast. But Tanya, we need to talk about us. That is why I invited you here."

I shrugged. "There is nothing to say."

"Lies. There is so much to say. I will go first. Tanya, my love, I have not taken a sip of alcohol since July. I have thrown all of it out and even started going to the Cathedral more. Talking to the priests has helped me. I am eating healthy and getting more exercise. I am a changed man. I want you and the children to come home."

"And what from there? We come home and you fall into the same cycles again. I cannot risk that. We were so miserable."

Dmitri reached across the table and took my hand. He had tears in his eyes. I felt the hot tears form in mine as well.

"I will not. I have realized how much I need you. I need you in my life. Tatiana, you are half of me. Without you, I am completely nothing."

"What about Veronika Vinogradova?"

"I broke things off with her about one-month ago. I have not seen her since. I am completely devoted to you."

I gulped. "You know...I often think about what you said to me that night. How you wish you married Irina Alexandrovna, regretted Little Dmitri, and how you did not love me anymore."

"I was an angry drunk. I did not mean any of it. I promise that. I-I miss you." Dmitri took my hand and held it up to his heart. "This right here. This is all yours. My heart belongs only to you."

"Oh, Dmitri." I broke into tears. He started sobbing with me. We threw our arms around each other. Dmitri and I had never held each other so tightly. But all this emotion, this was what I needed. His apologies and kindness was all I wanted in this world. This version of Dmitri was the one I married. And I knew it was risky, moving back into the house and giving him another chance. But people can change, and I wanted to believe that. Dmitri and I could be happy again. The children missed their father terribly. It was only right.

The next morning, the children and I packed our belongings. Papa claimed that we could always return if something went wrong, which I was thankful for. The children were so excited to see their father. Baby Irina and Little Dmitri bounced up and down with excitement. And as we pulled up to the palace, Dmitri was standing on the steps to the front doors. There was much snow on the ground and I am sure he was freezing. The moment the cat stop, Baby Irina threw the car door open herself and jumped out.

"Papa! Papa!" She cried out. Dmitri fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around his daughter. Baby Irina started crying. "I miss you so much."

"Oh, I missed you too. Did you get prettier in the last few months?"

Little Dmitri walked up the steps to his father. Dmitri looked at him with tears in his eyes. Little Dmitri kept a small smile on his face.

"I. Love. You." Dmitri signed to our son. Dmitri was finally learning Russian Sign Language. Little Dmitri's flavor glowed up. He took his little arms and put them around his father. It was one of the sweetest moment I had ever witnessed. This version of my husband was the one I wished to be around forever. But for awhile, I was still going to be on edge. I picked Beth up and we moved out of the car. I carried her in my arms as we walked up the stairs. Dmitri stood up and smiled at me.

"Beth." He said under his breath and took her in his arms. "She has grown so big. Hello, little one. Beth has her mama's eyes."

Baby Irina tugged at Dmitri's sleeve. "Papa, can we go inside? It's too cold."

Dmitri laughed. "Of course, dear one. Let's go." All of us went inside. The warmth took over our bodies. The butler and one of the footmen took all of our coats and shoes. Baby Irina and Little Dmitri took off running and laughing together. Dmitri and I exchanged looks with each other. Before anything could happen, Dasha came and took Beth from Dmitri's arms.

"I am sorry, your imperial highness. But it is time for Princess Elisabeth to have her nap." Dasha nodded at him and scurried off with the baby. Alas, Dmitri and I were alone again. He slowly cupped my face in his hands, just to make sure I was alright with it. He slowly moved in and brought his lips to mine. It felt as if it was our first kiss. And there it was, I had fallen in love with him all over again.