I stare down into my bowl of pasta. I had just gotten into an argument with my brother, and I barely had an appetite. My bottom lip quivered when I put my chopsticks into my mouth. I chewed slowly, the delicious flavor weighing less than the heaviness of my heart.
When I swallowed, I could feel the lump of tears be pushed back. That didn't stop the tears behind my eyes, though.
Everyone talks about how they eat when they're sad, but no one talks about how hard it actually is. The lumps in your throat. The tears mixing in with the food. The shakiness of your body. The amount sadness you actually take in. The fucking silence that surrounds you because if you try to talk, you'll just cry.
I don't want to cry. I just want to eat.
My phone dings, a text from Changbin popping up. I didn't want to look. I didn't want to think. I just... I just wanted to eat.
Tears rose, but never fell.
I hear thunder outside, a strike of lightning lighting up my dim living room. How fucking perfect.
"Having a rough night, too, huh?" I question out loud. My voice was trembling along with my hands. "It sucks, I know. It'll be fine, right? It'll be sunny tomorrow. Everything will return just the way it is, right? ...right?" My voice broke, tears finally cascading down my cheeks.
I drop my chopsticks into the half empty bowl. "What the fuck," I cry out, angry and emotionally wrecked. I couldn't say anything more. Sobs wracked my body. I couldn't hold it any longer. It was just a shit show.
My phone begins to ring. Answer or decline? Changbin should think I'm sleeping right now. Or maybe he has some kind of intuition that I'm awake.
"Hello?"
"What's the matter?"
"Did you just get h-home from work?" I hiccup, putting my hand over my mouth to try and calm myself down.
"Prince, what happened?"
"I'm glad you got there safely."
"Please tell me what happened, baby."
"Nothing. Nothing happened."
"I'm coming over."
I hang up quickly, leaning over to harshly push my palms into my eyes. I can't do this right now. I need sleep. I need to go to bed.
I stand, leaving my dishes and walking straight to my bedroom. I close my door, practically diving into my bed.
Fifteen minutes go by, cries coming to no end. I wasn't sure if I knew how to stop. I had pulled my blanket over my head, squeezing the feathers out of my pillow.
Arms suddenly wrap around me and I jump away, wanting to scream, but my throat closing instead.
"Relax, it's just me. Oh, baby, what happened?" Changbin questions once he sees my face. I wasn't sure how; it was dark. Maybe I was really warm or my face was damp.
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around his torso and resting my face on his chest.
"I'm here now. It's going to be okay."
It just seemed to be getting worse.
•How was this?•
