Rob's P.O.V.
It was 4am, far too early to be awake, yet Lachlan was still tossing and turning and couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried to comfort him, holding him or cuddling him he still couldn't settle down. He might lie still for a couple of minutes but then he would start shifting again, whimpering feverishly and tossing his head.
I could tell he was in quite a bit of pain but nothing seemed to help, not pain medication, not a heat pack, not a stomach massage, he just couldn't lie still because whenever he stopped moving the pain got worse. He was exhausted, in pain and finally he just burst into tears because he wanted the pain to go away.
"Robby!" He whimpered, sobbing. "Make it stop!"
My heart panged because the last thing I wanted was my boyfriend in pain, but I couldn't do anything to stop it.
"I know Lachy." I whispered, pulling him onto me. "I know, but there's nothing I can do. You just gotta wait for the pain meds to kick in."
He only whined but let me hold him tightly, my hand sneaking underneath him to gently massage his stomach while it was squashed between us. Lachlan continued to whimper in pain and shift on top of me but after what felt hours he finally settled down, his eyes flickering closed.
I hated seeing him in pain but I knew there was nothing I could do because the pain was something I couldn't stop, pain medication couldn't stop either simply because in his condition he wasn't allowed any medication. No over the counter medication, no prescriptions, no pain meds and most unfortunately, no anti-depressants.
The second the doctors confirmed our suggestion he had to come off every single medication he was on cold turkey, including his anti-depressants, and the following few weeks were horrific. It was never recommended to come right off medication but Lachlan had to for medical reasons, and it was horrible.
For several weeks Lachlan was ill constantly, barely able to sleep and was feverish and sick, all part of the sudden withdrawal symptoms from the medication. It was horrible to watch him so ill but there was nothing I could do, and it was made worse on top of the symptoms of everything else.
They said the morning sickness should clear up after 3 or 4 months but now it was 5 months later and it was still as bad as ever, and Lachlan couldn't sleep.
I smiled and placed a hand on his swollen belly, hoping he would fit in at least a few hours of sleep before he woke. I ran my hand through his hair and smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. I was exhausted too and just wanted to sleep, so I did.
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Lachlan gagged and threw up into the toilet, moaning in pain and relying totally on my arms around his waist to keep him upright. He was completely limp and I knew he was crying from the way his shoulders were shaking, he hated being ill and he hated not being able to do anything.
I handed him a water bottle and wiped the bile from his chin, bundling him into my arms and just holding him there until he calmed down enough to get up. All the while I kept whispering comforting words into his ear, rocking him back and forth.
Eventually I got him into the living room and lay on the couch with him, digging in my pocket to find my phone. For the past couple of months he had been so ill that he hadn't been able to record or edit anything and the only things that went up on his channel were vlogs, updates on his condition. I filmed most of them.
"Hey guys." I said, holding the phone up above my head so Lachlan was in frame, already fast asleep. "As you can tell, Lachlan's asleep again. It hasn't been great, he's not been sleeping because of pain and he's been really, really sick too so there'll be nothing up for a few days on my channel either, I need to take some time to look after him."
Lachlan stirred and I took a moment to comfort him, knowing I could cut it out later.
"But yeah, it hasn't been great. I suppose the fact he isn't on his medication isn't helping but this is really taking a toll on him, both physically and mentally. I know we'll both be glad when this part of the journey is over and even though we both know the next part will be even more challenging, it's a baby and all, but at least he go back on medication then. It'll be better I hope, at least for him because I can take some of the burden."
"I hope it'll get better for him later on, but I really don't know."
I ended the vlog and put my phone down, tucking Lachlan firmly into my chest. It was a little awkward because of his belly but I made it fit, pushing a cushion between our chests to make it more comfortable, and finally I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close while he slept, relishing in his presence.
I loved him so much and I could wait for the next stage of our life together.
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I was so thankful that the morning sickness slowed to an almost stop about half way through the sixth month, finally allowing Lachlan a break from feeling like shit and to just relax. By that point it stomach was the size of a watermelon and none of his clothes fit him anymore, he also couldn't sleep unless he was curled up in my arms.
It was both physically and mentally exhausting for me to be constantly looking after him, but I knew I had to do it. I had to look after the house, cook the meals, do all the house work, edit and record YouTube videos, pay the bills, do the shopping and look after Lachlan on top of that because he wasn't able to. Half the time he was barely able to get out of bed in the morning because he was so ill and I knew how much of a toll the pregnancy took on his body, mentally too.
If I thought his depression was bad before, it got ten times worse once he was off the medication. I was constantly worried about his mental health and was always looking out for him, knowing that if it got too bad then he could fall down that hole that he had barely pulled himself out of.
Right at that moment he was sitting on my lap, his head tucked in the crook of my shoulder and his eyes fixed on the tv, but I could tell he was exhausted. I knew what was running through his mind- only two and a half months to go, only two and a half months before he would feel better again. He was struggling to walk now, his ankles constantly swollen.
My arms were wrapped around his waist, resting on top of his stomach, in which was my son. We knew it was a boy now, that was confirmed at the last monthly scan, and now we were turning our attention to names of our child, what we liked and what we didn't.
"Tired Lachy?" I asked, pressing a kiss to his ear. He hummed in reply, groaning and stretching. It was evening so he wasn't sick, but he was sore and tired, even though I supposed it was better than him crouched over the toilet vomiting. I could cuddle him in the evening and he was actually somewhat talkative.
I placed my hands over his swollen stomach and smiled, leaning over to kiss him again.
"I love you." I whispered, watching his flicker of a smile. "I love you for everything you've put yourself through, I love you for you. We're going to have a wonderful life together."
Lachlan smiled, placing his hands over top of mine.
"I know we will." He said back, tipping his head back to kiss my cheek. "And I love you too."