Copyright © 2019 Nicole Mckoy
Zoey P.O.V.
Two Months Later
His hands were wrapped around my neck choking the life out of me. I remember the look in his eyes as he tried to take my life. I remember struggling and reaching for that knife. I grabbed it just in time and stabbed him wherever I could getting him to loosen his grip on me. I slid from underneath him and stood up. I dropped the knife as blood spilled from his body. He lay face down in a pool of his own blood as I had taken his life to save mine.
I woke up in a panic in a light sweat. I sat up in bed and looked around as I placed my hand to my chest trying to steady my breathing.
Caleb was fast asleep beside me as I quietly got out of bed.
I grabbed my robe and slipped it on. I walked out of the bedroom and went into the next room.
I walked into my baby girl's nursery to check on her.
I walked up to her crib and saw my daughter sleeping.
I wanted to pick her up just to hold her close to me and make sure she was safe.
I reached into the crib but before I grabbed her I heard Caleb's voice.
"Don't wake her," he said as he came up behind me.
He wrapped his arms around me from behind and I moved my hands out of the crib.
"I thought you were sleeping," I said as I just watched Cecilia sleep.
"I was but I can feel when you aren't next to me. I saw you walk out of the bedroom. Are you having trouble falling asleep?" he asked.
"I'm fine. I just wanted to check on my little bean," I said.
"Zoey she's fine. But you are no good to her if you don't take care of yourself. Do you need one of your pills?" Caleb asked.
"I don't want a damn pill Caleb," I said irritated as I pushed his hands off me.
"Zoey those pills are meant to help you? You know you function better with them," Caleb said.
Since everything that happened with Stewart I had suffered from severe anxiety and PTSD. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping through the night. I had gone back to seeing my therapist and even my regular medical doctor. I had been put on an antidepressant medication that helped with my mood and sleeping. It made me numb and more tolerable as a person in my opinion. It was really just a mask hiding my pain, my suffering, and my flashes from the day I killed Stewart.
"No I'm just better for you to manage when I take those things! I hate those pills! They make me feel like I'm in the wrong for feeling the way I feel! I almost died! I killed a man I trusted! I killed someone right in front of my little girl! She's probably traumatized!" I said.
"Zoey you know none of the babies in the NICU saw what happened. They were all in incubators unaware of Stewart or you. I know you harbor gilt from defending yourself but it was either you or him. You did nothing wrong! It was self-defense and the judge even ruled that! If it was anything other than that you would be behind bars right now," Caleb said.
"Your mother and father pulled strings and I know it's because you asked them to," I said.
"Zoey the law is the law and everyone knew you were the victim. I didn't have to ask my parents for anything because they saw just like Livingston's whole family saw the facts!" Caleb said.
Everything that happened had been caught on camera. They saw Livingston come into the NICU unauthorized and come at me with a knife. They saw our struggle and when I stabbed him in self-defense.
After that night Caleb's parents were ready to sue the hospital due to lack of security in the NICU wing at that time. There was little to no staff around at the time of Stewart's attack on me. Apparently that night they were sort staffed.
"Whatever. Go back to bed I'll just be in here," I said as I sat down in the rocking chair.
"Zoey don't do this. What did the therapist say about letting me in and not pushing me away," Caleb said as he came up to me.
"I'm not pushing you away. I am wide wake and you were obviously sleeping. I'm just being considerate to your rest. So go back to bed. I'm fine," I said.
Caleb crouched down between my legs.
"If you're not ok it's ok to just say that. Zoey you've been through a lot in the past few months. No one is judging you for how you've been dealing with things. If the current pills you have don't make you feel good we can go to your doctor and see if you can get prescribed something else," Caleb said.
"Why do you want to just feed me pills? Look just because you like drugs doesn't mean I do," I snapped.
Caleb sighed and got up.
He left the nursery and I just rolled my eyes.
Maybe it was low to say that to him but he wouldn't leave me the hell alone.
I just wanted to be left alone.
I was sick of people feeling sorry for me or watching me extra carefully to make sure I wasn't ready to off myself or something.
What I'd been through no one would ever understand. There wasn't a enough therapy in the world to fix the emotional scars I had. My physical wounds were healed but the deep wounds that were harbored inside me that couldn't be seen were the ones that would never go away.
Caleb P.O.V.
I woke up around ten in the morning alone in bed. I was guessing Zoey never came back to bed after getting up in the middle of the night.
Zoey had just been in a different headspace since the whole thing with Stewart in the NICU.
Everyone knew it was self defense there was no denying that. But that didn't change that killing someone haunted Zoey.
She barely eats. She hardly sleeps. Her mood is all over the place.
She's seen her therapist and medical doctor but doesn't take the antidepressant medication she was prescribed regularly like she should.
She says she doesn't like the way it makes her feel.
In my opinion I think she's just ashamed.
Ashamed to be medicated.
Ashamed to be vulnerable with me.
She's closing herself off from me little by little when her therapist told her not to do that.
We have had a few sessions together and Zoey listens and expresses herself openly when we're there. But once we get home it's like she shuts back down.
I just don't know how to help her.
So I try not to push her too hard. I back off when I feel I need to.
I walked out of my bedroom and went to the nursery.
I saw that Cecilia wasn't in her crib and decided to go downstairs.
Maybe Zoey was downstairs with her.
"Zoey!" I called out.
I got downstairs and the living room was empty.
"She's gone and I think took the baby with her," Cheyenne said from the kitchen.
"What do you mean she's gone and took the baby!" I said in a panic as I entered the kitchen.
"I don't mean gone gone like left town or some shit. I think she just took the baby with her where ever she went... like on her errands... relax," Cheyenne said.
"I can't relax. Zoey hasn't been taking her medication regularly like the doctor suggested," I said as I sat down on a barstool.
"Well I can't say I'm surprised. You know the black community is real different when it comes to mental health and anxiety and all that," Cheyenne said.
"How so?" I asked.
"Well most of us our taught that's not our kind of illness. Like don't get offended but that's white people stuff... and if we have it we need to keep that shit to ourself and bury it. Keep it swept under the rug so to speak," Cheyenne explained.
"So basically you're taught it is an illness you can never get because of your race or something you should be ashamed of and hide," I said.
"Basically... sorry but that's old school black parents way of thinking," Cheyenne said.
"Well Zoey has nothing to be ashamed of. What she's going through is normal considering what she's endured," I said.
"Trust me I'm with you on that but Zoey is Zoey. I also think she might be afraid to rely on those pills considering her parents. I don't think she wants to become dependent on any style of drug even if it's prescribed," Cheyenne said.
"Well I'm going to get dressed and head out. I'm meeting with Evan about a business venture today. Something to set up our kids futures," I said.
"You mean to tell me you might be investing in something that will secure Cecilia's future?" Cheyenne asked excited.
"I wouldn't call it investing as much as I'd call it building. But yeah this will secure my daughter's future if all goes well," I said.
"Does Zoey know about it yet?" Cheyenne asked.
"No but I'll tell her when the time is right," I said.
"Well good luck in whatever venture you and your friend are about to embark on," Cheyenne said.
"Thanks," I said.
I left the kitchen and headed upstairs to change so I could get ready to go meet Evan.
I was excited for what Evan and I had been talking about. It was something I couldn't wait to share with Zoey.