I am so sorry for not updating earlier as promised.
Elia.
I just stand there looking at Nathaniel with his little man issue. He looks at me, the same, both of us not knowing what to do.
"Ugh!" he rolls his eyes. "Just get in and close the door... don't sit on my bed... unless you-"
"Jeez! Ain't my fault you were-" The thought of Nathaniel jerking off is so... so not what I should be thinking right now since another part of me has already decided too pay attention to the situation.
"Will you shut up!?" he barks, but I can see the faint smile on his lips. "And I wasn't jerking off if that is what you were thinking dick!"
Wet dream. Ah! Nice to know.
I can clearly see Nathaniel isn't taking the situation as I am, even myself, I am not taking the situation the way I am supposed to.
To Nathaniel... I am a boy and probably understand how wet dreams go like... well... I do. And for him, it was just an accident that I walked in before he cleaned himself. Fair enough, it is normal for this to happen. I mean boys in boarding schools just see each other with morning boners and wet sheets. It's like girls talking to each other about their periods. But again... I know nothing about the female race.
And to me... this is something over the edge. Wet dreams? Was he dreaming about me... or perhaps someone? Thinking of this makes me look up at him. I see him pull the sheets off his bed besides the one around his waist.
When he sees me looking at him, he chuckles.
"Is this weird to you... or maybe embarrassing?" Yes! That is the correct term! EMBARRASSED!!!
"Is it not to you?" I ask, my face turning pink as my eyes land on the floor.
"Um, you're a boy right?"
"Um... yes?"
"Then no! I am not." He chuckles and walks to his bathroom. Once he is in, he closes the door and locks it. I just stand by the door and watch the room as if it's foreign to me... which it is.
I look around the room, it's so Nathaniel. A few scattered clothes on the floor, books opened on the small study desk, a few Queen posters, he must be a fan. He even has Freddy Marcus posters around. The walls are cream... the floor is wood, the ceiling is wooden... I take note of all these when he is bathing.
For some reasons, I feel restricted by the door. I fear to move from here. I have already invaded his privacy and that is enough for today.
When Nathaniel finally comes out about five minutes later or less, he is already fully dressed. He has a dark blue t-shirt and black sweat pants. His hair is still wet, but unfortunately with no water dribbling from it. He acts as if I am not in the room. I watch him walk to his closet to get a pair of sheets. He removes everything on the bed, replacing with new things.
"Just a minute." He walks back into the bathroom and brings the sheets he entered with. When he enters back he takes the rest and walk straight to me. I watch him with my eyes globed out.
"Um..."
"Excuse me."
"Oh." I scoot from the door and he exits.
As soon as he leaves. I sigh, not that I am relieved or anything, but it is difficult to think when he is around. I am still thinking about Julia's threats. Whenever I want to make a decision... I feel like telling Nathaniel about it all. When he came over to my house to tell me about... or rather ask why I was ignoring him... I didn't know if I had to explain it to him. Anyways, for some reasons I cannot.
But for now the pressure has been reduced to a certain extent, like Julia has not been threatening me anymore, I guess that is the other reason why I am not going to tell Nathaniel, maybe... maybe she is through it.
The door opens and Nathaniel walks back in. He sees me next to the door and he passes a curious look. "You're alright?"
"Yeah.. was just- thinking."
"About?"
"It's nothing... um... lets do something." I say looking around the room, there is a study desk, we can study, there is a TV, we can watch something or play stupid video games... and there is a bed... we can just lay there. Who am I kidding? We can make out and who knows... do more.
Nathaniel seems to be thinking the same judging by the look he is giving me now. His eyes are set on the bed with his face a bit red.
"Uh..." he starts. I look over at him. "Have you had breakfast?"
Thank you so much Nathaniel for ruining my thoughts. "I did... but I wouldn't mind having another."
I follow Nathaniel downstairs examining the house. It's one of those boring ones if I have to be honest. There is nothing to watch around and judge, just plain and simple, like my g-parents', only that ours has a bit of character. It's a mixture of the 90s and luxurious things... this house is just... plain and very boring.
As we walk towards the kitchen door, a deep laugh engulfs my ears, it makes me smile. Nathaniel, however next to me seems annoyed. We enter as the room is filled with silence.
"Uh, dad, Leo, this is Elia... a friend from school, Elia this is-"
"Don't worry, I've introduced myself earlier, we kind of talked."
"Talked?" Nathaniel asks. I look up at him to see his eyebrows raised high above his forehead. I can read panic in his eyes.
"Yeah." I smile. "Like I introduced myself and we talked about a few things."
I know Nathaniel wants me to tell him about the few things we have talked about, but as for me, I think I really don't want to got there. Nathaniel's parents... as in his dad and Leo are pretty awesome, there are kind and chilled, unlike his mom. I still remember the time I went over where he used to live, that was one of the worst days of my life.
Nathaniel was homophobe, and his mom too... it was kind of difficult for me to cope with that day. But when I came here, Leo opened the door and engulfed me with a huge hug, Frank was right behind and gave me a warm hug and a soft handshake. It made me feel as if I belong.
And to add to that too... they're both gay, making it more comfortable. It's just Nathaniel hasn't come out to them, which I doubt he will any time soon, but I know when he does, I will be able to hold Nathaniel's hand around them, and even kiss him, unlike my g-parents who I have concluded never to tell them about my sexuality.
"I hope you don't mind if El joins for breakfast?" Nathaniel says. He pulls a chair out for me and motions for me to sit, which surprises me since he is still in the closet. Nathaniel on the other hand doesn't seem to put it in mind, he walks across the table and pulls a chair out for himself.
"Uh! Not at all... I had already made an extra share for him." Leo smiles at me. I smile back. My eyes dart to Frank, his eyes are glancing between Nathaniel and I, but when he sees me looking at him, he quickly looks away.
"So." Leo says while pushing a plate of pancake my way. I look up at him. "Tell us Elia, how long have you known Nathaniel?"
"Um, about three months now... like I lives in L.A and recently moved to live with my grandparents here." I say pulling the plate close to me. I study the well made pancakes that are already making my water mouth.
"Oh, why?" Frank asks.
"Dad drop it-" I interrupt Nathaniel. I give Frank a soft genuine smile.
"Both my parents passed away, and had to live with grandparents." I simply say not getting into detail. I am surprised by the reaction I get from Leo. He smiles at me, serving Frank last.
"Ah! I know how that feels... like the moving to another place thing. All you will be wondering is if people are going to accept you or not, like wondering if you are going to make friends, enemies and so forth. But I believe you are alright." I smile after hearing this. People may not know this, but this is what I want to hear, I don't want people to pity me because of my parents and all, I am doing good coping with everything, and pity is the last thing I want.
"I am fine... like I have two people I consider my friends... like" I look over at Nathaniel who is eying me cautiously, "...like my best, of best friends. Not that I have a lot of friends, I only have two, but they are worth a million people."
Nathaniel doesn't smile or flinch as I expected, making me wonder if I said anything wrong.
"Uh, that... is deep... I guess Nate here is one of them?" Frank takes a bite of his pancake and glances my
"If he considers me the same."
I look at my untouched plate. I take a folk and knife and start on the pancakes. I swear I haven't had anything this good in a while now, maybe way way back when we had a maid at home.
I don't even realize I have taken a lot until Leo asks if I want more.
"No thanks." I tell him. "I think I have already have enough."
As for the three men I am sitting with now, they don't seem to have taken enough, like Nathaniel, he keeps reaching for the tray of pancakes and tea pot. I smile at him all the way, but he seems not to return any of my smiles genuinely, making me wonder if I had said anything anymore. Even when Frank starts to ask me about school and all, I try to keep it simple.
"...and the holidays you have any plans?" he asks.
"Um, I might go to Italy to spend it with my relatives." I reply.
"Might? Or?" Leonard asks.
"Or... spend it here." I say and take a sip of my frothed tea.
"What about you Nate, any plans?"
Nathaniel shrugs taking a huge bite on maybe the eighth pancake, if that is even possible. "Not sure yet."
"Maybe you can join us, we'll be here... and maybe go out late in the night." Frank says.
"Uh, seems as if you want me join you on your date." The way Nathaniel replies makes me flinch. I look over him and he shrugs coldly. I start to feel so uncomfortable sitting there.
I quickly look down at my laps.
"No, son... it's not a date if you're invited, maybe if Elia doesn't go to Italy he can join too... that's if you don't mind of course." I feel two pairs of eyes on me. Nathaniel is the one not staring, he is looking at his tea.
"Yeah... I'd like that..." I tell them. "...if Nath-Nathaniel wants."
Nathaniel shrugs again. "I don't know."
***
As we walk up the stairs to the Nathaniel's room, I honestly feel like I am going to burst with anger. Everything was going well before Nathaniel started to be a dick as... as the first month of knowing him, and that pisses me off!
Nathaniel enters his room and walk to collapse on the bed with a loud sigh.
I close the door, lean against it and throw daggas at him. "What the hell was that?" I don't only surprise Nathaniel by asking, but also myself.
He sits up straight, with his brows knitted. He studies me for a while before he answers. "What the hell was what?"
Oh!? So now we are acting oblivious!?
"Ugh, I mean you started to be all bitchy on the table!" I exclaim.
"Huh?" he asks. I can clearly tell he knows what I am saying. I roll my eyes before realization struck- it might be my fault. I might have said too much, I was trying to feel comfortable. I bite my bottom lip and look over at him, visions of earlier when I came here engulf my mind, it's funny and awkward how the situation changed from there.
Nathaniel's eyes bore into mine. I sigh, defeated and slowly start to make my way to his bed. Once I reach there, I debate whether I should sit or not, but I do sit, wanting to end the awkwardness between us. But that seems to make Nathaniel himself uncomfortable.
"Did I say anything I wasn't supposed to?" I question. He groans standing up, rubbing his temples. He walks across the room and start to pace.
"I don't know El... did you?" he returns the question to me. I feel tears start to swell in my eyes, so it's my fault!?
"Wh-what did I-I do?"
"I don't know... what did you do?" he sarcastically asks. The tears in my eyes pool to the point where Nathaniel is not a blur in my eyes. I look at my laps, not wanting him to see how vulnerable I've become.
"Huh?" he asks.
"Nate why are you doing this?" I ask. He doesn't seem to listen because he continues to pace around the room. I can hear his steps echo in the silent room.
What have I done wrong? Like really, I think we were okay before, and now... look at us... torn. Maybe Julia was right, I am a nobody to Nathaniel or anyone.
"You just complicate things Elia." He states. "When I think my mind is clear, the next thing I know is you're back right in to complicate things more. Like- I can't think straight... I don't even know who I am anymore."
That's all it takes for drops of tears to fall on my laps. I keep myself silent, as he goes on and on how we are not meant to be. Maybe Julia did not have to make me break up with Nathaniel, he is the one to do it.
But I am confused, were we not alright yesterday and earlier today, were we not? Or maybe I am the one who is trying to convince myself.
I raise my face to look at Nathaniel, he is watching me. Tears slide down my face as he keeps his eyes locked with mine.
I'm pretty sure this is the end of it.
I clear my throat and wipe my eyes. I can clearly read regret and sadness in his eyes, but im bot sure if it's directed to him or myself.
I stand up and walk towards the door. As I am about to open the door, I look over at Nathaniel whose eyes are glues on my small frame.
"I'm sorry Nathaniel... for everything, I-I sw-swear, I know I wouldn't be this hurt if I never you-"
"What are you saying?" he asks.
"That you're confusing me... and hurting me... I have no idea if I am that important to you the same way you are to me!" I exclaim.
"El-"
"Oh, realization struck!?" I scoff. "Well it did too late... I just asked you a simple question and all of a sudden everything is now my fault!" I cry. "Do you have anything to say?" I question and look carefully at him. He opens his mouth, only to close it, he does it again and sighs. He looks down at the floor and shakes his head no.
I chuckle sarcastically. "Wow!" I sob. "You never cease to fascinate me Nate."
***
Once I get home, I walk to the kitchen. I make myself a cup of tea humming a song I've heard from somewhere. I take a seat on the counter, pretending not to think about anything that has happened. No more me, no more Nathaniel right? I gave him time to justify himself, but he didn't have anything to say...
That's the end of it right?
It was just a week thing and it was over.
I place the cup of tea on the table and swallow hard. My eyes water again, I push the cup away, place my arms on the table, and allowed myself to let it all out.
Remember English ain't my first language. Thank you for reading, please vote and comment. I love you all very much. Next chapter is rated and not hidden so be warned, i have already typed it and all, i'm just left by updating it. Um, yeah... most chapters are going to be rated from now on... so i bet you know what to do humans...