Sorry for the late updates. Love you guys.
Elia.
We take a seat at the back of the small restaurant, apparently Nathaniel refused to be taken to an Italian restaurant of which, which are the most in here, but me being me and me being familiar with most places in here, I take him to a small American restaurant. By small, I mean small.
Nathaniel looks around, certainly not impressed.
"You asked for an American restaurant in Italy, what did you expect!?" I snort. I watch as Nathaniel looks away from the ceiling back to me. I swallow hard when his green eyes meet mine, my stomach performs a few flips.
"It must be better than the Italian ones because they should be making money from the tourists?" it turns out to be a question.
I roll my eyes. "This is another story, in this case, an American guy settled here and was looking for a way to earn a living, I don't even trust the food here, it might be-"
"What can I get you?" we all look at the middle-aged women who doesn't even seem happy with her job. "Two burgers and a lot of fries,, a coke, pepsi and water." Nathaniel says without any hesitations.
"I'll get a burger and apple juice please?" She writes something down and leaves a torn paper with the price.
"You know, I would never let you pick a place for a date you know?" I almost choke on my own saliva, when I look up at Nathaniel I expect him to be blushing or something but he has his phone out scrolling something. He will never let me a place for a date? Is this... wait, this is promising? What does he mean? Is he trying to come out right now because I might as well start to believe in miracles this instant. Or maybe, he means that he will never let me pick a date with anyone... anyone... for anyone. However, I decide to play on the same side as his'. The last time we talked like this, I ended up thinking that we where getting something. Maybe if we have this conversation then I'll get to know if I have a chance or not.
"Even I will never let 'you' pick a place, you will take me to a strip club." He looks up at me surprised with my response, okay maybe I went to far. I look at the table that is dividing us, but look when he clears his throat.
"Why won't you, the last time I took you out you were heads over heels on skating." His response takes me by surprise. He...he... wait, did Nathaniel and I go on a date and never realized it. Honestly the thought never crossed my mind at all, at all. Okay, it did, but not like this. Not wanting to change our topic I go on. "I was, but that was far from something anyone would like on a date."
"So what would you like?"
"See, I have never been on a date with someone, but as how I picture it... something like a romantic thing, in a tree house, or in the forest, the two of 'us' you know with red candles, and pebbles and flowers and-"
"...and roses, soft music, eating home made food, watching the stars, singing softly and all... yeah, yeah Clinton you are a cliché." I smile at him. I know these days dates are not like that at all, but that is something I would like truly speaking. Who can blame me? okay, you can. I decide to ask him the same question. "What about you, tell me about your first ever date."
The waiter comes dropping our food on the table. I mumble a small thank you before she walks away. I take the tomato sauce on the table. "My first ever date was me with this other girl, we went to watch a movie, a rated movie, it must have been the first fifty shades or something..." he takes a fry and throws it in his mouth before opening his coke can. "... we didn't do much after, just went to my place and had sex."
My eyes open wide when I learn the new information. He had sex on his first date. This really happens huh? "And you?"
I immediately take a bite of my burger, now wanting to cut the topic. I feel a little pressure on my smiley piercing. After I swallow I let my tongue wonder there to make sure I am alright. "I have never been on a proper date."
"So you are the type to just jump into the sex part?"
I look down at me burger.
"No way, you're a virgin?" he laughs a bit loud. Yes Nathaniel I am, and I want you to pop my cherry! Oh no... what am I saying? Pop my cherry?! Where did I even learn all of those words. "So, what about the dude who was responsible for your hickeys-"
"That is one of the craziest things I have ever done." I drop my bottle of water to rub my temples.
"You regret it?" I don't regret ever kissing Xander, it was amazing, but also wrong. I just don't know if I can really say i did, I don't on the same hand. It is something I know will cause a lot of confusion and chaos if anyone finds out. So, I shake my head no and take a bite of my burger.
"Will you ever regret being gay?" I choke on the piece of burger on my throat, I immediately get over it. When I look over at Nathaniel he is supper red. I swallow in his words, 'Will you ever regret being gay?'
Do i?
I mean, all my life it never turned out to be the best thing, I got bullied about it from when I was young, when I didn't even know I was, most guys in my classes called me 'fag' and trust me that is something you never want to experience when you are only seven, again, everyone I like, turns out to be so straight, straight! And again, that is something I hate. But, I always try to make myself feel better, by comforting myself somehow.
People always will treat you differently, even Nathaniel does treat me differently, I don't know how, but he does. Garry, I will not even mention it. What he did this morning, he wouldn't have done it if I was straight, never! The way Nathaniel's friends look at is different and it's because I am gay.
At school, people still give me the 'disgusting' look, because I am gay. The greatest bullying team would be of Garry and is friends, including Nathaniel, but that doesn't mean they are the only ones. Yes, I do get shoved here and there in the halls, and that is because I am gay.
Of course, sometimes I wish I was normal in a different way. I will not say I regret it, because it is not something I chose, does Nathaniel knows that? I decide to ask him.
"How can I regret something I never chose to be?" he seems taken back by my words. He nods. "I get that, but..." "Never mind."
And that is it, the awkward silence engulfs us again I watch Nathaniel takes the last bite of his second burger. Just when I think he is full he pulls a plate of fries and starts to eat them. I really get tempted to get one too, but I don't.
The more the silence engulfs us, I feel myself get uneasy, I need answers from Nathaniel. I want to know if by any chance he likes me too, even a bit or not, I want to know. I need to know. I have to know if I am just hurting myself by crashing on him, or if I am actually helping myself. So I look at him, to see him opening his mouth to say something to me. "You were mad at me yesterday?"
"No..."
"So why where you so... so... sort of ignoring my presence?"
I chew on my bottom lip. "I wasn't"
He raises his eyebrows. "You're lying to me." I don't say anything. "I'm sorry if I said anything the night you called, I was drunk and... I open I didn't..."
"Wait you don't know what you did!?" When I thought it was something it was completely nothing?
"I did something, oh please don't tell me I came to your house... did..."
"You didn't... you..." I decide not to tell him. But he insists I do. Then I blurt it out. "You jerked off while we talked." Even I shut my eyes with embarrassment, I wait for him to say anything, but I am surprised when he laughs. I look over at him to see I'm removing is glasses to wipe some tears off while he laughs.
"Oh I did that... I'm sorry... wait you where not mad were you? You were... shy!?"
I feel my face boil with anger. Is this something he thinks he can just do and laugh at it. "If a girl calls you masturbating and moaning would you feel stable? Won't you feel a bit tempered with even if you have zero feelings for her?"
Nathaniel then gets what I mean. He clears his throat and take a bottle of water, now empty. He tosses it back on the table, avoiding my gaze.
So, seriously, he has nothing to say? At all, nothing!? I decide to ask him another self, with every single word I let out my mouth, the more it sounds as if I am desperate, which I am of course. "Nathaniel, are you seeing someone?" I open the gap for him, all he has to do is to fill in by admitting he likes me. that is if he does.
"Uh... Elia i..."
"I'm just asking. I totally understand if you don't want to talk about it."
"No... it's... complicated..."
"...it's Julia" I rather say than ask. He looks away through the window. Something on is face says I am right, and wrong at the same time. My heart drops to my stomach, this time with pain. I have been hurting myself all along. I have been concentrating on Nathaniel, who is straight! Fucking straight all along. I feel tears gather in my eyes as I watch him stare outside. What is even fun there? Nothing! I wait for him to answer me but he doesn't, so I this time I ask, wiping off the tears first before I do so.
"I said it's Julia... isn't she?" I surprise myself by how sad and broken my voice is. Even Nathaniel is. He looks at me with his eyes wide.
"She is nice, kind, beautiful... she is amazing." I grab my bottle and gulp all it's contents.
"Let's go back to the hotel, I have a few things to do."
...
"Complicated?"
"Complicated!"
"He said it's complicated?" I nod and bury my face in my hands. "Oh Elia, I'm sorry."
I nod regardless of the tears attacking to find their way out. "He likes Julia! Like look at her, she is... she is... she's Julia!"
"Elia, we don't get what we like sometimes." Xander is right. He likes me, I know that, he told me that, but he just accepts to be my friend. I really can't say I don't find Xander attractive, he has short blond hair, brown eyes, he is taller than me, (I sometimes think every boy my age is taller than me, fuck mother nature) and he is tanned and muscular too. He is hot, but I like him as my friend, not more than that. I know what he said is not only referred to me, but also him.
"I'm sorry Xander."
He nods and smile at me. "Come here." I crawl to him and we hug.
"What if... tonight we forget about Nathaniel and have fun at the festival, what do you say."
"I say we get stoned." I laugh.
And that is not what we do. Xander ended up stuck with Sage somewhere. This place is so packed, it's like a carnival on a warm winter night. It is kind of windy yes and a bit clod, but not that cold. I somehow find myself walking alone, this is the reason why I should have made more than two friends! I will honestly say ever since I left Italy, I never thought much of my life here. I was bullied from a young age, but never allowed it to get to me, it's something other stupid retarded boys do as a hobby. We visited here with my mom, on holidays, weekends and so forth, but I was careful of where I go, until now... I meet Timothee's eyes.
I know I am in for it.
Even if it has been about six months ever I last saw him and a couple of years we leant together, I know this boy's hate will never cease.
Remind me once more, why did I decide to come here by the way?
Oh, The stupid guy who goes by the name Nathaniel.
Another chapter straight up. Remember to vote, comment and share with others. I know i promised something last chapter, (wink, wink). Just keep reading and you'll see it.