I really think i should create a cast, like please help this beautiful smexy beings of yours...
Nathaniel.
Even a blind man can tell Julia is flirting with me. I flirt back, she really is attractive. We talk on our way to the cafeteria.
"So, do you party a lot Nate?" she asks literary putting herself under my armpit. "I do, but lately I have been a bit tied up." It's true the whole thing with my mom and dad has made me worry a lot about my life that I sometimes forget about parties and all.
As usual Xander is not around. I really need to apologize for yesterday. We are all human and we sometimes feel insecure to tell each other what really is on our minds, I need to tell him everything, how my parents divorced, why and all.
"Anyone seen Xander?" I ask.
"I saw him going to the car park earlier, I think he went to his car or something." Jake says. "Okay, I'll check up on him." I don't miss Sage's watery eyes as I leave the table.
I search around the car park but I don't see him. My eyes end up on the familiar car. I smile to myself as all that happened yesterday floods in my mind. I walk towards Elia's car. As I am approaching his door opens and the boy himself walks out.
He nervously walks to me rubbing his palms on his jeans. I smile at him feeling my face turning red.
"This explains why I never see you during lunch, you eat in your car? I smirk. "Well yeah, surprised?" he walks closer to me before he yanks my hand making me turn back at the building. Suddenly I don't want to go back, I want to sit with him. I can't believe someone like him can just sit alone during lunch.
"Hey! I want to come sit with you in your car"
"Nathaniel Sandas!" he nervously screams with his voice so horsey.
I look at him, trying to make a dramatic scene as I look at him from top to bottom, but my eyes stop on their way up as I see his member staining on his tight jeans. Was he...? I decide to torture him for it.
"Where you jerking off in your car!?"
He groans looking behind me before he looks up at me again. "I was not!" he blushes not convincing me at all. "I was just..."
"Watching porn" I smirk dancing my eyebrows, his face gets even redder.
"Not that too... I was..." "...I was thinking... just thinking, but unfortunately you came before I could do anything." Thinking? I get so interested in knowing what he was thinking. I look at his face, his lip and my eyes wonder down I see a bruise on his neck, did Garr- I look closely to see some teeth on them. A hickey! A fucking hickey! Elia Clinton has a fucking hickey on his neck. My heart stings as I look at his neck. It is when I closely look I see others which seem to be facing. Does he? Does he has a boyfriend? "Let's go sit" The boy says. My eyes keep themselves there as I study the 'fresh' looking hickey.
I pull my hand of his' still astonished by my new discovery. "I... I..." I think of something to say "I just wanted to tell you that we have a History test in a few days and... I... I need your help." I try to keep my eyes on his eyes but I fail as they fall to his lips... Swollen lips! Swollen red lips! I almost gasp as I notice how red they are, did he...? I look back at his car. He is offering me to come in meaning there is no one in it huh? of course, he got this maybe last night.
The thought of Elia under anybody's hands makes me shiver. Elia has a boyfriend!
"Sure I can come over to your..."
"I was thinking we do it here after school, we can use a free basement." I quickly say. His face looks confused but quickly smiles "Is that okay?"
"Yeah... yeah sure" he answers.
I take slow steps out of the school gate, there is no way I am going to walk from here to home, maybe if I still lived at the other house I would easily walk but from here it is impossible. Not impossible but for my state now... it is beyond impossible. I know I refused Elia's ride, I don't think it is a good idea to be around him or I will end up confronting him and eventually turn back to that 'unexplainable' state of ours. I will figure something to do, but right now I want to talk to Xander.
As I arrive Xander's house I ring the bell. Xavier his brother opens the door for me motioning for me to go upstairs with a smile. I knock on his door before he mumbles a weak 'get in'.
"Xander"
He looks at me and his eyes widens. I stand by the door not really sure if he wants me to stay or leave not as if I will leave even if he asks me to.
"Look bro I am so fucking sorry" he says before I do. "I should be the one saying so" I say closing the door and walking to sit on the bed where he is.
"No it's cool I shouldn't have overreacted the way I did" he blushes. I smile. I am very lucky to have Xander as my best friend. He is one of the people I know will always have my back no matter what.
"You did what was right that time. I will tell you the truth either you want to tell me what shit you have been hiding from me or not."
"I will"
"My mom and dad didn't divorced because my dad was cheating as I told you..." I tell Xander everything to the part that I was living with my dad and his boyfriend. After I am done I still feel as if I did not tell him everything. I did not tell him how I am suddenly questioning my sexuality. I will be lying if I say I don't feel anything for Elia, I do, something I know I shouldn't be feeling.
Xander pulls me into a hug, I rest my head on his shoulder and make myself comfortable. I should have done this way back, like his hug makes me feel much better, relieved. Xander politely pushes me off. He clears his throat.
"Nate, um... I... I have been seeing someone" he tells me something I already know, but I listen though. "I don't know how I suddenly feel, I don't know if I like h... the person or not. The thing is this person likes someone... and I am not even sure if the other person like..." he sighs. "Nate, whatever I will tell... you will still be my friend? My best friend right?" Xander has never asked me such a question and I will be lying that I don't expect him to tell me something big.
I nod. "Always"
"I wanted to tell you this from the first day I swear but... I was scared you will push me off... I..." he sighs again.
"Xander you don't have to tell me if you're not ready yet. I will wait patiently, I don't want you to tell me something if you are not ready, take your time" I pat his shoulder. He looks at me and smiles.
"You're right" "I will tell you someday."
I stayed at Xander up to around eight. He drives me home and I feel bad for not bringing him up to see my new home. The reason is not that I don't want him to see where I live but because I am not ready to introduce him to my dad and the other person I am supposed to view as my 'step dad'. I am not sure of how Xander may view gay people as. I know I told him about my dad suddenly being gay and all, he didn't react in a bad way. But Xander... he has never attacked or said anything bad about homosexuality. I just don't want to complicate things between him and I, because I really love him... he is the only person who knows my highs and lows.
I unlock the door with the key card. I know this is one of those fancy apartments and all. As I step inside a sweet scent hits my nose. My stomach then releases a violent growl. I make my way to the kitchen to see Leonard facing the opposite side cooking something, I take this time to escape but I hit my knee on the door frame.
"Fuck!" I groan. "Oh my God! Nathan you're good?" I roll my eyes eying him. "Yes I am, it's not painful at all" I sarcastically say rubbing my knee. I literary jump when he lays his hand on my back. I take a step back glaring at him, my knee stings. "Don't touch me!"
He frowns before displaying his smile. "Let me get you something for you..."
"I don't need your fucking whatever you want to give me!"
"Nate be good to Leonard" I turn to face the devil himself, my dad. "Or?"
He sighs. "Nate you have no reason to be doing this okay?" dad says calmly standing in front of me.
"You think I don't because you are the stupid one who marries a wife, bang her produce a baby, wait for eighteen years to tell her that you'd rather suck some man's dick! I have all the fucking reasons to!!!" My dad's eyes widen as Leonard acted as if nothing happened just smiling. I run upstairs getting into my room.
Where is mom? I try to call her, just to know where she is staying but she doesn't answer. I curse as fall onto the bad starting to feel a bit guilty for saying what I said to my dad. He is an asshole yes but at the same hand he is my dad. I mean it has to be normal to be gay isn't it? Like 45% of person are supposed to be gay? Right? I think of the meme I came across a couple of months ago which stated that among three people one is gay. Well in my life among three people three are gay, dad, Leonard and Elia. A smile falls onto my lip when I think of Elia, but it immediately fades when I think of those fresh swollen red lips of his' and the hickeys. Who gave him those? Like... his lips looked so wet and swollen, maybe I am concluding to something that is not even true.
God! Why are people suddenly having mysterious lovers in their life actually in my life... because I think it is affecting my life the most. Xander a few days had some hickeys on his neck, he is having a lover he can't even tell me about. And Elia, I know I haven't asked him about it. I don't even know if I should ask him, but he seems to have a lover too, a man... god! Why am I so jealousy of him? Why do I want everything to turn back to the time I didn't know him? Why do I want everything to turn back to the time I never looked at his neck and lips. Why?
I hear a knock on the door before the door gets slightly opened to reveal my dad with a tray in his hands. "Supper?" I don't bother to say a word. He leaves the tray by my table before nervously wiping his hands on his bottoms. "Um, so, goodnight?"
I nod as he walks out. I walk over to the table and lazily fall on the chair. But on the brighter side today, I am having great steak and apple juice for dinner. Apple juice.
Saturday comes in so fast. I don't sleep as I usually do anymore, I mean I no longer sleep like a lazy head but as a normal person, but today I wake up early. I decide to shower first and throw on some sweat pants and tank top. Lazy day! Here I come!
I make my way downstairs to see a sticky note on the freezer. 'Will be back early in the morning had to go see Leonard's mom out of town, lunch money on the table, dad'
I see a $50 note on the table and smile. At least my dad and Leonard make too much money. I leave it there and make myself cereal. I take the bowl with me and sit on the luxurious couch turning on the TV. The weather is starting to act up since it's almost winter. I run upstairs to get three pillows and two blankets. I know it is too much, but I don't care.
As I settle on the couch for the second time today the doorbell rings. I curse. Who on earth visits on a Saturday morning like this. I ignore it. Luckily the doorbell doesn't ring again for an hour or so. I pull up to Netflix to watch maybe an action or investigation movie but one catches my eye it is on the top of the viewed movies. I bet dad and Leonard watched this last night. I click on it biting my lips as I remember the kind of reaction Elia gave when he thought I had watched it before.
I relax as I see the boy from Teen Beach Movie popping up on the first few minutes. Hmm... this can't be possibly bad huh? A Disney actor huh? No doubt this movie is a gay movie... I know it is and I know I am watching it.
It is when the movie progresses I see it is not just any gay movie but rather a gay porn movie. I watch it the whole way as the guy gets banged by his porn producer, as he acts porn, as James Franko gets a bj from this dude. I get so invested in the movie that I don't realize how hard I get. As soon as I realize that I shut the movie off deciding to look for something else to watch. I put on one of my favorite movie Jigsaw 2017. But I don't know what gets wrong with me. My mind ends up drifting to the slim boy... Elia. I start to imagine how it would feel to put my lips on him, how his lips would feel on my- I close my eyes. My mind pictures everything in a split second, me on top, Elia under me, hands everywhere, lips exploring each other's bodies- I need a shower. A cold shower... right now!
I might update tomorrow or not but i am already halfway the next chapter. So see yallz my baby balls... Smexy momma loves you all. Right now i have to watch Call me By Your Name the millionth time. I love you and thank you for reading!