Chapter 24 - You Didn't Deserve This
Cara
Finally, Caleb and I are back at our old apartment, but now with our new addition.
The two of us were released from the hospital yesterday, and the day before that Caleb went to the headquarters to see if our house was cleared and if we could get it back.
Luckily, everything was left untouched and we got it back just as if nothing had ever happened.
Beatrice's room was a little bit more than half done before we ended up leaving. There was the walls painted a light lavender, a dresser with a few onesies in it, a rocking chair and a crib.
Okay, so for the most part, I guess it was mainly done. It was just extremely unorganized and the crib and chair weren't put together yet.
That was what Caleb and I did last night.
More like that's what he did while I held Beatrice and read the directions to him.
He isn't the handiest hardware person in the planet, but neither am I, so I don't have very high expectations.
He did his best though... and the crib survived the night with Beatrice, so that's a good sign.
I totally had faith in him.
I was only a little paranoid when putting my daughter in the crib, scared that it would collapse.
I think he was nervous too though.
As for Beatrice, she slept all night, so that's a good sign.
I've been told not to get use to sleep with a newborn though...
"Good morning." I say to Caleb leaning my head on his back and wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. I found him in Beatrice's room holding her.
"Hey." He says quietly.
"We're still going to see your sister today, right?" I ask.
Ever since Tris has ended up in a coma, as long as she's been stable, they've been letting people see her.
"Yeah. Is there any way that Beatrice could not meet her today...? I don't want Beatrice's first time meeting Beatrice to be when she's unconscious and probably won't even know we're there."
I laugh. "That is really going to get confusing, isn't it."
"Yep." He chuckles.
"And yes, I agree with you. Maybe we can see her one at a time, because we can't just leave Beatrice alone while visiting Tris." I say.
He nods, turning around to face me.
"Have you heard from Four lately?" I ask him.
"I know that he went back to Dauntless three days ago, but other than that, I don't know."
I nod.
He has to be upset too... He cares so much about her. I can't even imagine what he's feeling. It's probably similar to what the rest of her family and closer friends are feeling right now, but probably different too. He knows her differently just like her parents know her differently and how Caleb knows her differently and how I know her differently.
It's confusing to think about. It really just affects everyone in a different way.
I snap back into reality when Beatrice whines and squirms in Caleb's arms.
"I think it's your turn, Mommy." He says handing me Beatrice and kissing my forehead. "I'll go make us some coffee."
I smile.
Things are going to turn out okay, right?
+ + +
"You go first. I'll wait out here with Bea." He tells me and I don't disagree.
I follow Julie, Tris's nurse through the door.
I know Julie from working at the hospital. No, I don't know her very well, but I know her more than some people here. We were both nurses for the same patient once. She's a very nice woman, and a very good nurse.
I'm glad that Tris has her as a nurse.
I also know Tris's doctor. She's a newer doctor here, and very good at what she does.
I feel a tiny bit better knowing that Tris in in good hands with a good doctor and nurse.
"She's in here. If she starts to wake up, get out of there. Yes, it sounds cruel, but we need to closely monitor her if she's going to be awake and who knows what could happen if she freaks."
"Okay. Thanks." I say opening the door attached to the small hallway with a bunch of computers in it. They probably are monitoring Tris every second.
The room is tiny and almost dark because of the lights being dimmed so much. There's a bunch of machines beeping and the constant humming of the oxygen tank.
Against the back wall is a regular sized bed, and on it lays Tris; sickly pale, so skinny that it looks painful, and unmoving except for the slight rise and fall of her chest.
"Hi, Tris. It's me, Cara."
Her leg has a huge cast around it. It must weigh as much as she does right now. There's IVs going into her foot, hand and arm.
She's basically buried in tubes and needles.
If you were looking around all of the tubes, at fist glance, you may think she was sleeping.
But she's not.
I just can't take it anymore.
I let the tears fall.
She doesn't deserve this.
All she wanted was to safe people; to keep people from getting hurt.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this." I sob taking her hand.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but please keep fighting, please Tris. The world is better now, and you deserve to see it the was it is now. Please, don't give up. It may seem like the easier choice; no, it is the easier choice, but it's not the better one anymore. You deserve to live. You deserve to get a life outside of war and fighting for your life." I rub her warm hand in mine, avoiding the IV that is going into it. It's warmth makes me remember that she's not dead yet.
"The choice is yours, Tris. You're strong, and you're smart. I know you'll make the choice that's right for you. You just don't deserve to be in this spot. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry. I should've done more to try and save you."
"I never really got to thank you either, for taking a few bullets for the baby and I." I decide to not tell her about Beatrice's name; it's just not the right time. "She's a healthy and happy baby, and she would've not of even been here if it wasn't for you, so thank you. I can't wait for you to meet her... She looks a lot like you. I can already tell she misses not getting to see you. I could tell how much she loved you, how she would kick whenever you'd touch my stomach. She really loves you Tris, so please, just wake up so you can see her." The tears don't stop.
"You deserve so much better than this, Tris. I'm so sorry. I'll see you soon. Wake up while I'm gone please, okay?"
For a second, I feel like her hand twitches in mine. I gasp, holding my breath and hoping for the best, but her hand stays limb in mine and the calm rise and fall of her chest doesn't change.
"I'm so sorry." I barely whisper one last time before I leave.
A/N
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