Jill's POV
Training was coming to an end and thank god for that. I knew I'd played awfully today, I realized I'd failed to defend in most of the drills and my attempts of attacking had been even poorer. My mind was in many places, football just wasn't one of them.
I regretting coming into training this morning because it meant leaving Hunter alone all day; that thought terrified me. Usually she wasn't ready when I picked her up in the mornings but before today she'd always let me cook her breakfast and wash her hair, she'd never refused to go to training before. I'd love to say Hunter had never seemed so distant but I hadn't found the girl I loved to be near in a long time, today wasn't the first time I'd been with that stranger.
I could feel Hunter's soul untangling itself from my own, I could feel the color from hers draining and mine trying to replace that rainbow, but she was slipping through my fingers and it was leaving an emptiness that only she had filled, that I had once tried so hard to ignore. Her soul no longer needed mine, that is what it had decided, though I liked to think, in some bittersweet cruelty, that she'd have chosen differently if her mind was truly there. My heart no longer fit next to hers and the brightness we once had was fading with each passing day, with each hour that dragged by.I wanted to hold onto Hunter and never let go but I know I couldn't. I knew that I couldn't love Hunter into loving me like she once had, into loving herself, into loving this world, this life.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if there was anything I could do.
"What's wrong with Hunter?" Viv casually asked as her, Manu and Leah all walked towards me in the changing room where I was rushing to get back to Hunter's house.
I looked down, "She's got a headache, but she should be in tomorrow," I tried to keep my tone stable, the team couldn't know the truth; I'd done everything to keep her struggles quiet for months on end, I couldn't mess up now.
"Good," Viv commented, "I'm glad it's just a headache, I've been worried about her lately."
I quickly sat up, my hands began to shake after seeing how Leah's eyes had also widened, "She's doing great, why would you be worried?" I feared my voice might tremble then the spiral of secrets would begin to unravel before I could find a way to lock them back up.
Viv shrugged, pulling her kit bag off the hook, "She's quiet recently and you two often turn up late."
I gulped, being quick to reply, "Well she's fine."
I wish I could've believed myself.
"I was just checking in," Viv cautiously responded before awkwardly raising a hand, "Bye guys. Jill, I assume you're going back to see Hunter tonight."
I nodded, my throat too tight to speak.
"Well I'll see you later this evening then," Viv nodded, our corner of the changing room suddenly felt awkwardly quiet.
"I better be heading off too," Manu muttered, looking to the floor, "Send my love to Hunter, Jill."
"Will do," I tapped my fingers on the bench, feeling the knot in my chest tighten.
Manu and Viv both walked away and with the relief of the questions being over I hid my face in my hands, terrified that I might have messed up but thankful for them to be gone.
Leah sat down besides me, seeming stiff and rather anxious, "Jill," She said quietly.
I looked up to her to find she was already staring at me with this pained look in her eyes, "What?" I feared her answer.
"Hunter hasn't got a headache, has she?" I could see the words leaving the blonde's mouth hurt her and to be honest they hurt me too.
I opened my mouth to reply but I couldn't find the words, my heart raced and stopped all at once as I prayed for the ground to swallow me whole and put me back into a time when Hunter and I were happy.
"We know Jill," Lia stood in front of the pair of us, sadly admitting the truth, "We've smelt the alcohol on her breath for a couple of months now, but we didn't know what to do."
I shook my head, my eyes wide and mind spinning, "I - uh. I don't know what you're talking about."
Leah put her hand on mine, offering me the softest smile, "Jill I know you're just trying to protect Hunter, but we want to help too. We love her, we just want her to be happy."
"Please Jill, just tell us what's been happening," Lia's voice was the saddest I'd ever heard it; it was difficult to imagine her words lacking hope and their usual sunshine but right now there wasn't a ray of light in sight.
I held my breath, knowing Hunter would be annoyed if I let her friends help but I knew that in the future she'd be thankful for them. And honestly, the idea of Hunter's future was my only worry right now, I didn't truly care if she currently hated me, but I'd do whatever I thought was best for her future because all I wanted was to see the girl, I'd fallen in love with, return.
"You can eat dinner with us," I told them, "I'll explain in the car, but none of this can get back to the club."
"Of course," Wally quickly nodded.
Leah brushed a hand over her face, "And what about Alexia? What does she know?"
I gulped, my blood ran cold at the mention of Hunter's beloved sister who was all the way in Spain, "Nothing. Hunter won't let me tell her anything."
"Don't you think she should know?" Leah asked, she wasn't pushing me into anything but more so worrying for both of the Putellas sisters.
"No." I shook my head, "It's the one thing Hunter won't let happen, Alexia cannot find out until she's better."
There was a moment of silence, I knew what we were all thinking, it was the sort of thought that creeps into your mind and as much as you wish to forget it, you simply cannot; if she gets better.
Lia and Leah climbed into my car and I began to explain everything that I thought they should know, everything they could use to help Hunter; the day I found out about the alcohol, the mornings where I'd get her ready myself because she was unable, the nights before games where I'd have to hold her close in the hopes she'd be sober for the match. The times I'd thrown out all the bottles, I'd begged for her to stop, I'd found her passed out on the kitchen floor, I'd found her passed out in the shower. I told them it all, feeling agonizingly guilty with each word that left my mouth but less heavy after I realized Hunter would have more help than just me, because this time I wasn't enough.
I realized I wasn't helping Hunter by lying to her closest friends. I had lied countless times to cover up her own. I talked over her in training so they wouldn't hear her slurs. I dressed her every morning to try and hide the mess she'd become. I wasn't helping her, I was hiding her.
I'd wanted to pretend everything was perfect so maybe it would return to when it had been. Hunter had a place in my heart no one else could ever have, it was like my soul had been created with the sole purpose of being with hers, and it had all been so perfect and pure until I noticed there'd been cracks in our foundations and demons were knocking on the front door to the house we'd created to spend our lives in. It seemed we'd only been able to keep those demons out for so long.
When I reached the door I went to knock but Leah handed me over a key, I looked at her questioningly.
"I have it from where I used to live here," she muttered.
"Right," I nodded.
"You should keep it though," Leah assured me, "I thought Hunter would have given you a key."
"I think she's been a little preoccupied," I raised my eyebrows, always fearing walking into the entryway because I never knew what I'd be faced with; perhaps a euphoric Hunter dancing around the kitchen ready to welcome me home with terribly baked cakes. Or the more likely option that she was passed out somewhere and it would take forever to wake her and then she'd hate me for doing so.
I opened the door, holding my breath and taking the equally dreaded and anticipated step inside.
"Hunter?" I called, "Wally and Leah have come over for dinner!"
There was no reply.
"Hunter?" I shouted again, walking into the lounge and then the kitchen, seeing no sign of the girl.
My heart instantly began to race, my ears rang and each thought was no more than a fog.
"Where is she?" Leah asked me, pleading that I'd know the answer.
"I don't know," I shook my head.
"I'll look upstairs," Leah decided, quickly running up the staircase.
Wally rested a hand on my shoulder, noticing my panic, "I'm sure she's somewhere in the house, where is she normally?" Lia was somehow always so calm in these situations.
"Normally in the lounge, sometimes in the kitchen," I continued pacing around downstairs, even taking a look in the garden in the hopes of seeing those dark green eyes as her long brown hair.
"She's not up here!" Leah shouted a few minutes later, running back down to us.
I could've sworn my heart had stopped the minute Hunter wasn't laying in the lounge like usual, but somehow I was still standing here in her absence, "You're sure?"
"I looked everywhere," Leah admitted, her face falling, "She's not in the house Jill."