Hunter's POV
Two weeks had passed, it felt like no time at all, yet lifetimes had occurred since I'd last talked to Nana.
Tomorrow both Jill and I were flying to France with our national teams to begin our camps and then the World Cup itself.
I'd told myself that Nana was just on a trip, she'd just gone to visit Spain for a few weeks and she'd come back. I'd begun to truly believe it, wondering when she'd return and then it would hit me; Nana wasn't coming back. Nana was never coming back.
Though I'd quickly bury that fear beneath the fantasy again because the World Cup was important to me, it had been important to Nana, so I'd go out there and do both my country and Nana proud.
Maybe I'd leave the fantasy when I returned back to England. Maybe I'd live in it forever.
Alexia and Mapi had left a few days ago, flying back to Barcelona to pack their things for the tournament and say farewell to their teammates before they became competitors.
I'd pasted that smile on my face, pretended it was all fine and continued being strong for the people around me, because they'd needed it. Alexia, Mapi and Leah had all found Nana's passing torturous and I'd been there for them, for once they felt I was the one they could depend on. No matter how terrible my pain was, I felt I owed it to them to be strong for once.
There was a knock on the door, I knew it would be Jill because she'd insisted on helping me pack everything because apparently my organization, or lack of, stressed her out.
"Hey Jilly," I pulled her into a hug, walking her into the house.
"Hi," Jill smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.
I decided to brush past that for now, I'd probably become oversensitive to emotions over the last fourteen days, "Want a drink?"
She nodded, "That sounds good," Jill sighed, she seemed exhausted.
"You didn't sleep well?" I casually asked, pulling a coke from the fridge for her.
The Jill I was used to, danced her way through the days, she smiled and laughed whenever the opportunity greeted her and was the embodiment of sunshine and wildflower fields. This wasn't the Jill I was used to.
Jill shrugged, playing with her nails, "I guess."
"Maybe we can just chill out and watch a movie," I suggested, feeling Jill could do with some comfort, "I can pack my cases later."
Jill didn't respond, instead I watched as the tears filled Jill's eyes, she shook her head and it broke me, not that I showed her the fact.
Seeing Jill cry was so different to seeing anyone else break down because Jill was the happiest, calmest and sunniest person I knew, so seeing her broken, hurt. It was as if thick clouds dimmed the sun and she'd been left with torrential downpours.
I rushed over to her, pulling her into my arms and holding her head against my shoulder, "What's wrong?"
Jill shook her head, pulling and looking away from me, "They're just so horrible."
"Who? What did they do?" I asked, knowing I'd start a riot for this girl. I'd do anything for this girl.
"Just everyone," Jill cried, I could now see how shaky she was.
I took Jill's hand, "Come on," I led her to the sofa and sat her down, "Explain it to me," I urged her quietly.
Jill shook her head, she refused to meet my eyes, "I shouldn't be crying to you, this is so stupid, you have real things going on."
I stopped her, "Jill you can always talk to me. I want you to always talk to me," I pleaded.
Jill sighed, finally she looked at me. Her eyes were sad, they were broken and scared, Jill seemed so vulnerable, yet still somehow closed off, like she'd push away the rest of the world but let me in.
"Viv sent me a Twitter post and then I was scrolling through the hashtags about the Dutch team and then -" Jill stopped, shaking her head.
I knew this story far too well, it was the story so many people I knew had gone through.
"And you read stuff about yourself," I whispered, finishing Jill's sentence.
Jill nodded.
My heart ached for her and I was also filled with this rage because Jill was the kindest soul I knew, she never said an unfair word against anyone and would be there for us all. She was also one of the best midfielders in the world, you could argue that I was biased but her performances at Arsenal proved me correct.
"And I know I shouldn't even care," She sighed, "But it made me question if I am good enough to be on the team."
"There's a reason they picked you Jill," I reminded her, "There's also a reason all of those people aren't on their national teams."
Jill looked at me, still she didn't seem completely sure, "So you think I'm good enough?" She asked quietly.
I looked back at her, "I know you're good enough."
I pulled Jill into another hug, I held her tightly because I hated Jill feeling so unsure of herself, especially when I was so confident in her. I knew Jill was more than deserving of that spot on the team, I think deep down she did too, but people online loved to spread that doubt in our minds and I'd learnt, early on, to brush it off but it upset me so much that such small minded people could affect Jill like this.
I think I'd always seen Jill as very confident, social and sure of herself but this was new side to the girl that I didn't know existed; maybe Jill wasn't quite as confident as she'd always seemed.
"Want to watch a movie?" I offered quietly, knowing to get her mind off of this.
Jill shook her head, "I want to pack."
I laughed, "No, that's stupid. I can do it later, you don't need to stress yourself out more. We'll have a movie marathon or something."
Jill chuckled, I was relieved to see that smile back on her face, "It will stress me out more if you pack for yourself. All I'll be thinking about the entire tournament is the mess in your suitcase."
Knowing I couldn't change her mind, I nodded, "Come on then."
We went up to my bedroom, the house seemed so empty these days, like a single echo would travel through every hallway and every room. It wasn't necessarily sad but it was lonely at times, as if I was a mother who'd watched her children all fly the nest, but I'd never been a mother and some of the people who'd once lived here would never come to visit again. So I guessed the house would always feel empty from now on; always a house, never a home again.
I pulled my suitcases onto the bed, it had the potential to be a long trip so I needed to pack quite a bit and I'd always been an over-packer.
"What do you want to bring?" Jill asked, opening the doors to my main wardrobe.
I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking for a second, "Everything?" I almost questioned.
Jill chuckled, I could see her spirits were still dimmed but a distraction seemed to be the best solution for her right now, "Really, what do you want to bring?" She repeated.
I stood besides her, begining to pull things from the draws and hangers that I wanted to bring with me to France.
"Is that my jumper?" Jill asked.
I turned around, tugging it from her hands and holding it tight, so she wouldn't steal it back, "Possibly," I trailed off, laughing.
Jill chuckled, looking back to the pile of clothes, "I think they might be my hoodies as well," She pointed.
I covered her eyes, "Hey! Pretend you didn't see that." I giggled.
Jill laughed, holding her hands up in defense before she pulled my hand away from her face, just staring at me for a second, "Pretend I didn't see what?"
I smiled at her, I couldn't help it but I'd never met a person who made me feel more seen, who made me feel like I was their entire world.
When Jill and I were together, it felt like Jill didn't see everyone else around us because she was just looking at me. I loved it when she looked at me; I felt special, I felt chosen. It was special that Jill had chosen me, it was a miracle even, and I'd always know that. I could never take a moment for granted in her company because when I was with Jill, nothing else quite mattered, it was simply a whisper in the background because all I could hear was the quiet; the perfect, peaceful sound of silence which only she could bring.
Jill was the sun, I hated knowing she doubted herself because I'd never doubted her for a single second. I believed she could do anything, Jill could tell me she dreamed of travelling to mars and somehow I would wholeheartedly believe she'd make it.
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author's note
who do you think Hunter's roommate at the world cup should be?