Thirteen Days Later.
Lexie:
My therapy session got pushed back by an hour today which meant I got to go home after school and change into something a little more comfortable than jeans.
I've been eating more which I know pleases both my parents and Olivia. It doesn't mean I've been keeping the food down but hey, you win some, you lose some.
As long as they see me eating, I can get away with it.
This next week is meant to be busy. Addy and I are celebrating her birthday on Sunday which I'm looking forward to. I think she just wants to do something laid back, but hasn't decided what yet.
I have two assignments due Tuesday at school, one on science which is worth thirty percent of my final grade, and one in art which is only worth ten percent of my grade but it's still a lot of work.
Then, next Friday I leave for Atlanta for three weeks, which I'm really looking forward to.
"You ready to go, sweetheart?" Mom questions, knocking on my slightly ajar door. "Yeah, let me just grab my shoes," I say, throwing a jacket over my long sleeved shirt before reaching for a pair of converse. The weather's horrible today. It's cold and windy and looks like it's about to start pouring down with rain.
On the drive there, Mom and I stopped for a coffee and continued to complain about the stupid LA traffic, but we got over ourselves the moment we arrived.
Olivia usually finishes at five, but apparently she accidentally overbooked herself so she's staying an hour later for me.
"Lexie," she calls me into her office, a gentle smile resting on her lips. Mom leans over to kiss my cheek before I get up and walk in.
The caffeine having taken affect, I practically jump onto the couch with a smile, pulling the blanket over my body. "Someone's chirpy," she chuckles, sitting across from me on her couch. "I had coffee, it'll wear off soon," I giggle.
"How's your week been?" She questions, crossing one leg over the other before resting her clipboard on top of her knee. "Pretty good. I had a zoom meeting about the movie I'm filming in Atlanta and then just spent most of my afternoons with Addy which has been nice," I admit.
"That's good to hear, I'm glad," she smiles softly, "how's your eating been? I spoke to you Mom over the phone a couple of days ago and she mentioned you've been eating a full dinner every night."
"I have," I nod, "I've been eating more at school too. Not a full meal, but snacks."
"How has it made you feel?"
I shrug.
"Have you been experiencing guilt?" She questions further. "Well, yeah, but you know."
Olivia nods, taking note of it. "How have you been coping with that?"
"The guilt?" I confirm to which she nods again. "I don't know. I guess I just do," I sigh, suddenly feeling nervous as I begin to pick at the skin on my fingertips.
"Have you been turning to things you shouldn't be turning to in attempt to cope with it?" She queries, how tone somewhat knowing.
She's very straight to the point today and I'm not loving it.
"Like what?"
"Self-harming, over exercising, making yourself sick?"
"No," I answer blankly.
Much to my surprise, she asks no further questions. Unfortunately though, she gets up and takes out the scales.
I throw my head back and groan. "Why?"
"Hey, just because you've been eating more doesn't mean the weekly weigh-in's stop," she quirks an eyebrow. "Are you going to let me look?"
"Nope."
"Then no," I deadpan, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Chop, chop. Shoes off," she orders, pulling the blanket off of me. "I said no."
"You don't have a choice, Lex."
"Heyyy, you sound like the government," I tease, pointing a finger at her.
Olivia tilts her head and smirks, "you're incredibly stubborn."
"Don't complain, you get paid to put up with me."
"Alright, you have two options. You either get on the scales, or I get my gloves and become a dentist again," she tries to reason with me, referring to checking my mouth for signs of purging.
The latter option scares me more, so I opt for the first one. Not without a lot of groaning as I get up and take off my shoes before stepping on the scales, crossing my arms.
"Arms down," she says, holding my chin up.
"You're annoying," I state.
"So are you."
As she looks down I hear a small sigh that I don't think she realises she let out.
"You can get off," she tells me, letting go of my chin thinking I'll step off. But I don't, and when I look down at the number I can't help but feel a little proud of myself...that is until the voice in my head starts talking again and I feel like the big failure in the world. It's not low enough.
"Lexie, get off," she orders, putting her foot over the number.
I oblige this time, crossing my arms over my chest as I got to sit back down on the couch. I feel tears start to form in my eyes as I watch her walk over and take out a pair of latex gloves.
"You said I had an option!"
"I know, but that was until I saw your weight. For someone that's supposedly eating more, it should not be dropping," she says softly.
I feel a tear slip down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away before she comes back over and stands in front of me.
When she's done, she washes her hands and sits back down across from me. "How long have you been purging?" She questions.
"I'm not!" I raise my voice, feeling myself start to cry.
"Lexie," she sighs, "the evidence is there, you don't have to keep trying to convince me that you're doing better. I want to help you, so please let me."
"I know recovery is scary, but you're body is slowly breaking down. It's in fight or flight mode and if you keep going the way you're going, it's going to give up on you. I don't want to have to send you to the hospital, Lex, but if you're not keeping any food down this time next week I'm going to have to admit you."
"That's not fair! What about Atlanta? I can't just not go because you want to send me to hospital!" I yell, entirely frustrated by her.
"I'm not saying you can't go to Atlanta. I am saying that you have a choice. You either start keeping some food down therefore can go, or you get sent to rehab. I know that neither of those options are appealing to you, but—"
Before she can finish, I grab my shoes and go to leave. The moment I swing open the door and see my Mom look up from her phone in the empty waiting room, I break.
She gets up and walks over to me, immediately embracing me in a hug as I feel Olivia's presence behind me.
"Do you wanna come in?" She suggests.
I feel my Mom nod before she walks me back in and I sit down beside her as she holds me in her arms.
Olivia starts to explain the situation whilst I continue to cry into Mom's shoulder.
I don't really pay a lot of attention but when words like Bulimic and Hospital come up, I feel myself break a little further.
When we leave and get back to the car, I've exhausted all the tears out of me and feel like I could fall asleep at any moment.
So I do. I close my eyes, holding on to Mom's hand tightly as I feel myself drift off on the way home.
__________
Very lazy proofreading so forgive me for any mistakes 🫡
The next chapter (or the one after I CANT remember) might be a little cruel, but the book will have a happy ending so bear with me :)