POV: Skylar
"Ta-da!" Aphrodite gestured to all of us.
"Whoa..." Kenzie and I say in unison.
Aphrodite thought it would be a good idea for the four of us to get away from everything and just go on a little retreat together. She pulled out all the stops too, she and Darleen paid for it together.
The rooms are so amazing, super extravagant, and fancy. It almost felt like a crime to breathe in the same vicinity as Aphrodite. Sometimes I forget how rich she is. This spa resort has everything. A built-in five-star restaurant. An area where you can get a personal message and spa treatment. People who park your car and take your bags to your room for you. Complimentary drinks and snacks are already in your room. And my personal favorite, natural hot springs outside, ones you can even reserve for private use.
"Jaws off the floor ladies, we are high-class citizens here," Aphrodite says.
Kenzie and I look at each other and smile before running over to the biggest bed and jumping up and down on it. Aphrodite face palms at us and Darleen giggles.
"This is so awesome!" Kenzie squeals in excitement.
"Make room for me!" Darleen jumps on the bed too.
"That's my bed!" Aphrodite pouts.
I jump onto the ground and grab her hands forcing her to jump on the bed with us. She rolls her eyes but eventually laughs and joins us.
"Okay, what first?" Kenzie stops bouncing.
"Hmm, good question..." I ponder next to her.
"I get the feeling you two are taking advantage of us." Darleen chuckles.
"What!?" Kenzie says.
"Us!? Never." I deny.
We look at each other and laugh again.
"Yeah right," Aphrodite smacks us with a pillow.
"You know you can't resist me," I pull Aphrodite into my arms.
She giggles and looks up into my eyes before kissing me.
"Anyway!" Darleen quickly interrupts. "How about something to eat?"
"It was a long drive since someone wouldn't let us take my jet." Aphrodite smacks me in the stomach.
"Go green, save the planet." I shrug.
"I miss Sprinkle." Kenzie pouts.
"Relax, I hired the best dog sitter. Promise. Plus, we could use a little me time." Darleen pulls Kenzie into her arms.
"Fine," Kenzie sighs.
"Well ladies, let's get dressed then." Aphrodite jumps off the bed.
So the four of us grab our finest clothes and get all dolled up for dinner.
"Sometimes I still find it hard to believe..." Kenzie says softly to me as we wait for Aphrodite to finish getting ready and for Darleen to come out of the bathroom.
"Hmm?" I turn to her.
"Sometimes I think I'll wake up and this will all be some fairy tale, and it all just vanishes in the blink of an eye. Darleen...she's really something, you know?" she meets my eyes.
Fear and vulnerability sparkling up at me from her soft grey-blue eyes.
"I know," I smile softly for her, to comfort her. "And you shouldn't worry about all that stuff Kenzie. It's real, this is all real. And even if it wasn't... you should still enjoy it. Every last second of it."
"Yeah... you're right." She forces a chuckle.
"Relax, Darleen loves you. And if she doesn't, I'll kick her butt for you and straighten her out." I bump shoulders with her.
She laughs.
My phone vibrating startles me and I look down at the caller id, Jade.
I feel a twinge in my chest, just like always when she calls.
"You gonna get that?" Kenzie asks me.
"Oh, uh, yeah, of course." I quickly answer the phone.
"Hello?" Jade says.
"Hey," I force a chipper attitude.
Despite the fact that every time I talk to her it feels like someone is dragging my heart across broken glass.
"Hey, you didn't call today so I thought I'd call you." She says.
"Sorry, been pretty busy today. Aphrodite and I are on a retreat with Kenzie and Darleen. It was a long drive. Didn't want to call you with everyone in the car, that would have been awkward."
"Right..." she says.
The line is silent for a moment.
"How was your day?" I ask.
"It was okay. You?"
"Good."
"Good."
Aphrodite comes out of the room, her heels clicking on the wooden floor.
"Well, I have to go. Talk to you later?"
"Yeah." She clips her words.
"Bye." I quickly hang up before she can say bye.
Aphrodite eyes me.
I force a smile.
She flips her hair at me in protest before walking to the room door, leaving me behind.
"Coming or what?" She calls over her shoulder.
"Of course." I follow after her.
"We finally leaving?" Darleen yawns as she comes out of the room.
"Yes," Aphrodite says.
I sigh.
Kenzie pats my back for comfort, I smile appreciatively at her.
"What'd I miss?" Darleen asks.
"Nothing, Let's go." Aphrodite leaves the room.
I sigh but follow.
We get a nice table, right next to the dance floor. A smooth jazz band plays soft music while people enjoy their meals and partake in small chatter.
"You look amazing," I say to Aphrodite.
"I know." She clips.
I pout.
Kenzie giggles at us.
"Don't be mad at me please," I beg.
"I'm not mad," she snaps at me.
"We are supposed to be enjoying ourselves." I point out.
"Skylar," Aphrodite says in a warning voice.
"Just let it go, pestering her will only make it worse. Trust me. Best just to change the subject." Darleen interjects.
Kenzie frowns at her but Darleen is too busy making goo-goo eyes at Aphrodite to notice. Aphrodite smiles cheekily at Darleen, not noticing me glare at the two of them.
Kenzie and I share unamused looks.
Soon our appetizers come out and the tension quickly dissipates as we switch topics and talk about what we plan to do tomorrow. Talking about massages and hot springs. Just chatting. When our food comes we talk about how good it is and then start talking about the best foods we've ever had. Kenzie and I have a hard time keeping up with the conversation and before we know it we are completely excluded from the conversation as Aphrodite and Darleen switch to talking about the best travel spots, then what the best country is.
I sigh and poke at my food, reminded that if not for Aphrodite I wouldn't be able to afford any of this. I soon go from feeling like a girlfriend to feeling like a freeloader.
"Dessert?" The server asks.
"No," Kenzie and I say in unison, wanting to end this torture.
But at the same time, Darleen and Aphrodite say,
"Sure!"
We sigh in unison.
"Everything okay?" Darleen turns to Kenzie in concern.
"You tell me," Kenzie grumbles.
Darleen eyes her in confusion.
I get a feeling of déjà vu.
It's like high school all over again, except this time it's Darleen who is trying to steal Aphrodite from me. But I'm not going to run away this time, this time, I'm going to stand my ground.
Just then the band changes to a more upbeat jazz song and I smirk before getting out of my chair.
"Can I have this dance?" I ask Aphrodite.
She blinks at me in surprise.
"Well?" I ask.
She smiles sweetly at me before taking my hand.
I pull Aphrodite onto the dance floor.
Everyone looks at us.
The band gets encouraged and starts to make the song even more moving.
"Do you even know how to dance?" Aphrodite asks me as we sway to the song.
"No, but I had to do something."
"Something?" she raises an eyebrow.
"Something to remind you that your attention belongs to me." I dip her.
She giggles.
I pull her up causing her black ringlet curls to cascade back to her back.
"Stop ignoring me," I rub our noses together.
"Hmm, well maybe you should stop thinking about your ex, and I'll stop talking to mine."
"If I wanted to be with Jade, I'd be with her. I want to be here, with you." I say softly.
"And I want to be here with you," she admits softly.
"Then let's stop this stupid game. We're too old for games like this. I'd hope we can be more mature than this." I spin her around.
"Did I mention I get jealous easily?" She says as I spin her back into my arms.
"I think I figured that one out on my own." I giggle.
"Did you now?" she wraps her arms around my neck.
"Did I mention I get jealous easily?" I say softly.
"Do you now?"
"I do," I admit vulnerably before kissing her.
She quickly melts into me, kissing me back.
People cheer and clap for us.
"I also get embarrassed easily," I say as I pull back.
She laughs, loud and hard.
"Babe," I pout.
"Well, you dug the grave, so you gotta lie in it."
I sigh.
"Come on," she pulls me back to the table.
"You hardly said two words to me all night!" Kenzie shouts at Darleen.
We interrupt Kenzie and Darleen's argument.
They go silent.
"Mackenzie—"
"Just don't." Kenzie gets up and walks away from the table, leaving Darleen behind just as dessert comes.
Darleen sighs and sags in her chair.
"Everything okay?" I ask.
"I don't know." Darleen runs a hand through her hair in frustration.
"Well go after her," I urge.
She stares after Mackenzie, a look of deep thought on her face.
"Go!" I gesture.
"I'll just talk to her later." She says softly in defeat.
But later as we are all back in the room, Mackenzie opts to sleep on the couch. Leaving Darleen alone in the room.
"Kenzie," I sit next to her.
"Don't defend her! You saw what she was doing! I know you did." She says with tears in her eyes.
"Mackenzie this is stupid," Darleen says.
"Just admit it! Admit it to yourself! You still have feelings for her!" Mackenzie points to Aphrodite.
The room goes deathly silent.
I look to Aphrodite and she's trying to look innocent and causal like she doesn't care what the answer is. But she's not a good actor, I know she does care. Cares a whole lot more than she wants to admit.
"Darleen?" I ask her when she still hasn't said anything in her defense.
"I-I don't know. Maybe." She says.
"Maybe!?" I can't hide the anger in my voice.
"I knew it." Mackenzie shakes her head.
"No! Wait, Kenzie!" Darleen calls after her as she gets up and leaves the room. Slamming the door.
"Darleen, What the hell?" I ask.
"I don't know! Okay! Fuck, I don't fucking know. I can't pretend that seeing you two together doesn't make me jealous because it does!" she shouts at me.
"Unbelievable," Aphrodite says walking over to Darleen.
Darleen looks away from her.
"You are unbelievable Darleen Grayson. How many years did I chase after you? How many times did I beg you to take me back? How many times did I humiliate myself for you!? And now, NOW, you want to come here and say something!?"
"God, this is so messed up." Darleen sits on the couch, putting her head in her hands.
"You make me so angry!" Aphrodite shouts at her.
"Well, you make me angry!" Darleen stands up and shouts back.
"Me!?"
"Don't act like you don't know what you are doing. You are purposely flaunting Skylar in front of me like you've won some prize. Laughing at me behind my back, to an inside joke only you get. I had this whole fucking plan, just for me and Kenzie and then you... You always mess it up! Always mess me up!"
"Look who's talking! All you do is string me along well I'm sick of it! You're right! I am laughing at you because I win! I am done wasting time on you. Done with this stupid game we play. Done! I love Skylar now!"
"Well, congratulations! I hope you are happy!"
"I am!"
"Great!"
I stare back and forth between them as they argue. It's clear the tension between them never got resolved. At least not in any meaningful way. One look at the two and I can clearly see the pain in their eyes, hear it in their voices, and watch as they break each other's hearts over and over again.
Anyone with eyes can see these two used to be deeply in love with each other.
So much so that just being in the same room together causes them pain.
Strangely enough, I know how they feel.
All too well.
"That's enough, both of you," I say.
They both turn to me as if just remembering I am in the room.
"Darleen, do you still have feelings for her?" I ask outright.
"I don't know. I'm so confused." Darleen sobs, tears finally leaking free from her eyes.
"What do you mean? Explain it." I ask.
"I love Mackenzie, I do. I had this whole thing planned out from the start. I was going to take her to all these places, spend all this time alone with her. Just treat her like she deserved to be treated. Then... I was going to propose." She pulls out a ring box from her pocket.
My eyes go wide.
"But then... Then I see Aphrodite and everything just starts hurting again. And I get all confused and then you two...it's like there is this ache inside of me that begins to grow every time I see her face. Every time I look into those auburn eyes. I know it's not going to work between us, but it still hurts. A part of me will always be in love with you," She says that last part while looking at Aphrodite.
"Just like a part of me will always love you," She says sadly.
"I love Mackenzie, I really do, but then I see you and I get scared. I feel like I'll mess it all up again. I get frustrated and confused and... I don't know what I'm doing. What if I mess it up again? What if I don't even know what love is? I don't want to hurt her. Not like you hurt me." Darleen says.
"Then tell her that you idiot! Stop running like the coward you are. If you love her, tell her!" Aphrodite demands.
"She's right, you're only hurting her by doing this Darleen. Tell her everything you just told us, Mackenzie will understand." I say.
Darleen clutches the ring box close to her chest.
"What if I mess it all up? What if the two of us will never work?"
"Look at me," I put my arms on her shoulders and force her to face me.
She does.
"When you know, you know." I look her in the eyes. "If you love her like you say you do, then you have to tell her. Otherwise, she'll never know it. Showering someone with money and gifts can only get you so far Darleen. Take it from me, if you don't spend time with the person you love, you'll lose them. For good. But if you don't love her, then leave her alone. I'm going to go after Mackenzie, calm her down, and give you two some time to finally end whatever this is. We aren't kids anymore Darleen. Enough games. It's time to grow up." I say.
She sniffles and nods.
I give a parting glance at Aphrodite, letting her know with my eyes I'm giving her permission to get her closure. Then I leave to find Mackenzie.
I know there is a chance the two of them will reconcile and get back together, but I also trust them. Both of them. They can figure this out. I just have to have faith.
I find Mackenzie sitting out in the garden alone, crying silently.
"Hey." I sit next to her.
"I'm such an idiot." She sobs.
"No, you're not," I assure her.
"I thought... at least I hoped she really loved me. But she doesn't. She loves her." She sobs.
"Kenzie." I pull her into my arms.
"I let myself fall in love with her." She sobs.
"Hey, those two are going to end this once and for all. And you and Darleen are going to work this out. Promise."
"How can you be so sure?" she pulls back to look at me.
"I saw the look in their eyes. Yes, they love each other, but I can also see how much pain they cause each other. How much work it is for them to be in the same room together. I know it's over between them because of that look they had in their eyes... I've seen it before." I stare off into the night.
"You have?"
"They are tired Kenzie, just like you and I are tired of this stupid game. They are tired of hurting each other. I think they'll realize they are better off staying just friends. Sometimes it's too much work to be more than that."
"Are you okay?" Mackenzie asks me softly.
"Me? I'm here to comfort you."
"Skylar I know you're still hurting because of Jade."
"I'm fine," I lie.
"Don't let her break you." Mackenzie looks me in the eyes.
I have to look away as I feel tears coming on.
"I'm trying," I say softly.
"You don't have to force yourself to move on if you aren't ready. I told Aphrodite you weren't ready, I told her getting involved with you was a bad idea. I didn't do it to try and cock block you. I did it to protect you and give you time to heal. Not so you two could rush into each other's arms. Forcing yourself isn't going to make it hurt less." She says.
"Promise me something?"
"What?"
"Promise me when you find love, and you are 100% sure it's what you want, don't let it slip through your fingers Kenzie. Don't let it change you. Don't take it for granted. Cherish every single second of it. The good, The bad, and the average. Every moment should be treasured. When you love someone, show them, don't do what I did. Please." I grab her hands in my own.
She nods, tears in her eyes.
"I may not be able to get my happy ending, but there is still hope for one of us here. If anyone deserved to be happy, it's you. Don't let Darleen ruin you. You have to put your foot down with her. Let her know you mean business. Darleen can be clueless sometimes, but that doesn't mean you stop trying."
"I hope you do get your happy ending Skylar; you deserve happiness too." She wipes a tear I didn't notice I shed.
"I don't know about all that, but... I'll try," I say.
She hugs me.
I hug her back.
I love Mackenzie, she's like a best friend I didn't even realize I had. I regret ignoring her because of Jade. We could have been great friends for years if it wasn't for Jade. I can't believe I let Jade dictate my life for so long.
"Now," I pull back. "I'm going to get Darleen so she can apologize to you. Don't make it too easy for her though." I playfully punch Kenzie in the arm.
She giggles.
So I get up to find Darleen. She's not too hard to find. She was watching us, just outside the garden fence, pacing back and forth trying to decide what to say. I sigh when I see her.
"Skylar it's over between Aphrodite and me, I swear. It was just old wounds and all that. Sometimes even smoldered fires let out a stray ember. I'm sorry if I fucked that all up for you." She says.
"Don't be. I get it, trust me, I do. Aphrodite and I will work that out between us, you need to work out your crap too. For her." I indicate to Kenzie who sits alone waiting for someone to come join her.
Darleen sighs and looks down at the box clutched tightly in her hands.
"Do you love her?" I ask.
"I think I do." She whispers.
"Then tell her."
She looks up and over to Mackenzie, a look of fear in her eyes.
"The worst she can do is say no Darleen, and if she says no, you take it. Do you hear me? After tonight, you two have a lot of stuff you are going to have to work through. So you let her take her time. You take it and you be there for her. Because that's what she deserves. If you hurt her, I'll never forgive you." I say sternly.
She smiles softly at me.
"Okay," She nods.
"Okay," I repeat.
She takes a deep breath for confidence before walking over to Mackenzie. I leave them to it and go back to the room.
Aphrodite is on the couch, crying her eyes out. She looks up at me when I walk in.
"Skylar—"
I quickly pull her into my arms and kiss her.
She melts into me.
"You don't have to explain yourself; I know... trust me, I know..." I assure her.
She sobs again before kissing me deeper, harder.
We pull back and I just hold her in my arms and sway.
"Tonight was a setback, for all of us, but that doesn't mean it has to be the end. Love is complicated, not as straight and narrow as people want you to think. Sometimes old flames cause a spark inside of us and remind us of what we once had. But we have to remember the past is the past for a reason. And though that spark may feel good, it once burned everything down to the ground. We can't let it do it again. If you want to end this, I won't stop you, but before we decide we should think about this carefully."
"I don't need to think, I already know what I want. I want you." She says before kissing me again.
But my heart doesn't want to believe her. How can she want me? Why would she want me? What's so great about me? All these mean little thoughts pop into my head, filling me with doubt and dread.
This is why you shouldn't get attached to people.
I want you she says.
But I don't believe her.
Because I don't believe anyone could want me.
I pull away and rest my head against hers.
"Come on, let's go lay down. I'm through for the night." She pulls me towards the room.
I let her lead the way and we get changed and washed up in silence then we lay down.
She pulls me into her arms.
I want you...but for how long?
How long until you stop holding me in your arms?
How long until I stop entertaining you?
How long before I am alone once more?
That look they had in their eyes.
I've seen that look before...
For the first time in a long time, I let myself think about Jade. About her smile. Her eyes. The way she'd just pull me into her arms without asking for my permission. The sound of her voice when sings in the shower. The way her fingertips felt on my skin. I feel my heart crack wide open.
I bury my head into Aphrodite and I cry.
Silent, pain-filled tears.
I wonder... do you ever truly get over your first love?
Will it always hurt?
Does she think about me?
Do I make her cry too?
"Skylar," Aphrodite calls my name.
I pull back, realizing my tears have soaked through her shirt.
"I'm sorry," I hiccup a sob.
She sits up and caresses my cheek in concern.
"Why are you crying?" she asks me.
I shake my head no.
"Tell me."
"No, because then you'll get angry at me." I sniffle and try to wipe my face but the tears continue to fall.
"Jade." She says it as a statement.
"I'm sorry," I sob.
"It's okay," She pulls me into her arms. "It's like you said. Today was a setback for all of us. It's okay to feel the pain. Let it out, stop holding it in. Once you let it out, you can finally start to heal from it."
"I don't want to feel it, I just want it to go away." I sob.
"It will, one day."
When is that day?
Can we skip to that day?
She wipes my tears for me slowly, over and over again, until they finally stop coming. I sniffle and stay locked in her gaze, mesmerized by its strength and power.
"I don't know if you know this, but you're the one that finally gave me that push to move on. That finally lifted me out of that rut I was in. You saved me from myself." She says softly.
I sniffle and wipe my face with my arm, trying to look away from her, but she won't let me. She grabs my chin and forces me to stay looking into her eyes.
"Now I'm going to save you from yourself. One day at a time, until you see how amazing you truly are. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I whisper.
"I meant what I said earlier. I won, I am happy now. Here, with you. I'm over Darleen, for good. You are all I can think about. All I've been thinking about for months. This, us, is what I want."
I crawl into her lap and nudge my way into her arms, forcing her to hold me.
She rests her head on top of mine and holds me, gently, comfortingly.
I breathe her in, letting her presence calm me down.
"I believe you," I say.
I close my eyes and listen to her pounding heart. She squeezes me tightly. We stay locked like this for a long time, even when we lay back down we never break our embrace. Even when I feel like she'll let go because she's falling asleep, she doesn't. She stays holding on.
She stays.