I woke up a couple hours later to someone shaking my arm. "Hmm?" I asked as I turned to the person that was standing by the bed.
"I'm so sorry...Nova won't stop crying and nothing is soothing her." Sam whispered as I nodded and rolled out of bed, careful to not wake Colby.
"I'm so sorry." Sam repeated as I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. She's a sassy girl." I said as we walked down the living room.
I could hear Nova crying which broke my heart. I knew that babies were supposed to cry since it was the only way for them to communicate but seeing my girls sad made me sad.
"What's wrong, honey bun?" I asked and pulled Nova into my arms as Ki frowned at me. "We're so sorry." She said as Nova stopped crying and snuggled into me. "That's all she wanted?" Kat asked as she rocked Luna back and forth. "She's needy." I said with a sigh then bounced Nova.
"Did you want to cook with mommy?" I asked as she grinned up at me. "You don't want to try and go back to sleep?" Sam asked as I shook my head. "I'm already up, plus I should probably start making dinner." I said with a smile then went to the kitchen.
As I walked away I heard Luna start to fuss. "Come on, angel. Come cook with mommy." I said as Sam, Kat, and Ki followed me into the kitchen. "I think she wants you to hold her." Kat said as I laughed.
"Not surprised. Come here, bug." I said then positioned Nova in my left arm. Kat laid Luna in my right arm then breathed a laugh. "I don't know how you're gonna cook." She said as I shrugged. "I'm gonna hold them until they forget that they want me." I said then rocked back and forth.
I held them for a minute before I handed them off to Sam and Ki.
"Okay, let's get cooking." I said then clapped my hands together. I started with making the bread so we could make garlic bread. As I pulled the ingredients out I found my heart fluttering.
It had been so long since I've been able to really cook. I had tried a couple of times at the end of the pregnancy to cook but was to exhausted to really get into it.
I was exhausted right now and was in pain but I had missed cooking so much that I didn't even care.
I spent the next hour or so making the bread and pasta for spaghetti. I had to stop a couple times to soothe the babies but I was able to get everything done eventually.
I was about to start the sauce when Colby came into the kitchen. "Hey, sleepy." I said as he came over to kiss me. "Hey, I'm surprised you're awake." He said then grabbed Luna from Sam. "I've been awake." I said with a shrug then went to open the canned tomatoes.
"V, we were supposed to be resting." Colby said as he rocked Luna. "It's not my fault miss sassy pants needed me to hold her." I said with a laugh and gestured to Nova. "How long did you sleep?" He asked as I shrugged.
"I don't know, how long did I sleep?" I asked Sam as Nova fussed in Ki's arms. "Like an hour and a half." Sam said as I nodded. "Nice." I said then turned to walk over to Nova. "Are you hungry?" I asked as she looked up at me.
"It's about time to eat, so I wouldn't be surprised." I said with a sigh then looked over at Colby. "Wanna come with me to feed them?" I asked as he nodded. "Yeah." He said then kissed Luna's head and stood up so he could follow me upstairs.
When we got upstairs I sat in the rocking chair and got Nova situated. "You look exhausted, V." Colby said as he carefully laid Luna in my arms. "I'm fine. I've functioned off of less sleep before." I said with a smile as the girls ate.
"I know, but I'm worried about you...you went through something very traumatic not even two weeks ago. You need to be resting." Colby said quietly as I sighed. "I can't help it that the girls aren't adjusting well." I said quietly.
"We have people here to help us right now though." He said as I nodded. "Sam woke me up because Nova wouldn't stop fussing." I said and looked up at him. "Okay...I'm gonna watch them after dinner and you're gonna sleep." He said then crouched down and cupped my cheek gently.
"Okay." I whispered as he sighed. "I'm worried about you." He said as I sighed. "Don't be. I'll let you know when I can't handle it anymore." I said as Nova stopped eating. "Promise?" Colby asked and scooped her into his arms.
"Promise." I said as Luna stopped eating. I sighed then brought her to my shoulder and started burping her. I had to admit that the exhaustion usually hit more after I fed the girls but I wanted to at least eat before going to bed.
Once the girls were burped and changed we laid them down for a nap. I grabbed the baby monitor then led the way downstairs.
"Where are the babies?" Ki asked as I went to continue my sauce. "They're gonna sleep up there so we can eat." I said with a small smile. "I seriously love them so much." Kat said as I giggled. "I do, too. Even though they don't let me sleep." I said and looked up at Colby.
He was looking at me with a small smile. There was so much love in his eyes but there was concern buried beyond the surface. I hated that he was so worried about me but I could understand why he was.
I was prone to passing out when I was tired and he just didn't want me to hurt myself. I also know that he went through something traumatic too. He had to deal with the girls and I almost dying. He had to deal with that all by himself and I had to be sympathetic about it.
He just cared.
"Babe, will you help me?" I asked as he grinned and walked over. "What would you like me to do?" He asked as I kissed his cheek. "Can you set the table for me?" I asked as he nodded. "I'd love to." He said as Ki groaned.
"You guys are gross." She said as I rolled my eyes playfully. "Where is Shawn anyways?" I asked with a laugh as she groaned. "At work! He's always working." She said as I made the sauce. "He should quit his job." Kat said as Ki laughed.
"That's what I said! He won't budge though. The dude loves numbers." Ki said as Sam and Colby came back into the room.
"The table is set whenever you're ready." Colby said as I smiled. "I'll be ready in a minute. You guys can sit, I'll bring the food out when I'm ready." I said as everyone nodded and went to go to the table.
As soon as they all left I felt myself start to deflate a little bit. I was doing okay but I was definitely putting up a front for everyone. It wasn't that I didn't trust them to know what was going on, but I was more embarrassed than anything.
I loved being a mom but I was starting to doubt everything. It felt like my entire world had flipped upside down and I was having a hard time managing it. I felt like I would never get back to normal.
I would never have the same body I had before. I would never be able to sleep again. I was just a mom now and that was it.
I was just really sad.
I found myself starting to cry at my thoughts as I finished making my sauce. I heard someone coming into the room so I quickly wiped my tears and turned around. "Can I help you?" Colby asked as I wiped my hands on my pants and turned around again.
"Yeah. Can you cut the garlic bread?" I asked and painted a smile on my face. "Yeah." He said with a grin then went to go cut the bread.
Once we were done prepping dinner we went into the dining room and started eating. We got about halfway through before the girls woke up screaming. "Diaper duty. I got it." I said then stood up.
When I got upstairs I walked over to the girls and smiled down at them. "Hi, girlies." I said quietly then silently lifted Luna out of her crib. I quickly changed her diaper, then repeated the process with Nova.
I found that the exhaustion was really starting to hit me again so I scooped them both up and held them. "Wanna cuddle with mommy?" I asked and sat in the rocking chair. I rubbed their backs and rested them against each side of my chest.
I don't know how long I sat there before I started to fall asleep. I didn't mean to but the exhaustion was hitting me so hard.
"Vi-oh.." Colby said as he walked in. "Let's get you to bed." He said quietly then lifted Luna off of my chest. "I'm sorry." I whispered as I stood up with Nova in my arms. "It's okay, baby. Let's get you to bed." He repeated then put his hand on my lower back.
When we got to the bedroom Colby took Nova from me so I could get in bed. "I love you, V." He said then leaned over and kissed me. "I love you, too." I said with a small smile. "Wake me-" I started but was interrupted by him laughing.
"We won't wake you. Get some sleep." He said quietly then kissed my head before leaving the room.
I was so lucky that I had a husband as supportive as Colby. He was always so willing to be there for me when he knew I was struggling.
I just wish I could tell him how sad I was right now.