Benedict Cumberbatch Imagines

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Charlie is picking up new words and you and Ben can't figure out where they could possibly be from...

(WARNING: Lots of bad language!)

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"Fucking hell! This fucking computer is going to be the fucking death of me!" Ben shouted. You were sitting next to him on the couch, taking advantage of getting some work done while the kids were at their grandparent's. 

"That's because you're downloading two albums from iTunes, have six windows of Safari up, all while playing a game," you pointed out. He gave you a side glance, then looked back to the screen. You had introduced him to the game Slender. It scares the crap out of you both when you're playing it at night and in the dark, but Ben got easily frustrated with it because he couldn't get all eight pages when you did in just a few minutes. It was practically his life goal to get them.

"Fucking shit! Fuck you Slenderman, you ignorant twat!" He shouted. You ignored him and continued to work. Of course that didn't last long because you could feel Ben's eyes on you. You looked over to see him giving you a sheepish smile. "Honey, do you think you can help me?"

**

"Fuck you, Slender! You and your goddamn eight arms and urge to eat children! Ugh! Fuck you!" That was you that time. You were stationed in between Ben's legs and leaning back against his chest, focusing on the task at hand; your work was a pile of papers at your feet. 

"That's right, baby, tell the fucker off," Ben encouraged. He fed you a cookie from the kid's cookie jar, which he placed in between your legs (you'll have to keep this from the kids), and then fed himself one. "No, no, no," he mumbled with a mouthful of cookies, "down turn around, he'll be there!" 

Just as the Slenderman got you (again), the doorbell rang. "Shit, that's your mom with the kids," you sighed. You completely lost track of time. Ben shut down the computer, while you put the cookie jar back in the kitchen. 

When you came back out into the living room, Ben was on the floor with Charlie and Tyler in his lap, showing him all their new toys that Wanda and Tim had gotten them. Ben looked up at you and said, "Mum and dad had to run, but look at all this!" He tried to sound enthusuastic, but the idea of even more toys around the house to step on and clean up wasn't too thrilling. 

You smiled and sat on the floor with your family. Tyler, just getting on eleven months, immediately pushed himself off of Ben's lap and crawled to you, gurgling in laughter. He was such a momma's boy. "Hey, baby," you cooed. You picked him up and set him on your lap. 

Charlie was looking exhausted as ever, probably from the long day she's had, and snuggled up to Ben's chest. She was such a daddy's girl. Ben kissed her head and started rocking her a bit, gently urging her to go to sleep. She was just about there when she mumbled something inaudible into his chest. He looked at you curiously, but you shugged, as you were too focused with Tyler and his new toys to hear.

"What was that, baby girl?" He softly asked in her ear. She let out a cute yawn, then repeated, "I'm fucken tired, daddy." Ben's eyes blew wide and snapped his head up to look at you. You were holding back every urge you had to not bust up laughing. He was relieved to know you weren't upset.

Ben chewed on his bottom lip and tried to fight back the giggles. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Charlie," he tried to sound stern, but looking at how you were giggling into Tyler's back was making it very difficult. "Charlie, you shouldn't say that word." 

She was a little more awake now, but she still cuddled further into Ben, lifting her knees up to her chest, and holding on to one of his ginormous hands as if it were a shield. "Sorry, daddy," she mumbled. "I meant I'm fucken sleepy." 

You couldn't even cover up your laughing anymore because this was all just too good. You should be mortified, embarassed, angry, but it was just too damn funny! Ben thought so, too, but he tried to cover it with his hand. He didn't want Charlie thinking it was okay to say that. Luckily, she wasn't paying any attention to you.

"Charlie, love," he laughed, "that's a bad word." She looked at him curiously and asked, "What is, daddy? Fucken?" It was getting hard for you to breath from laughing so hard. "Yes," he confirmed, giggling. "Only grown-ups can say that word." 

She let out another cute yawn and mumbled, "Okay, daddy." He could finally laugh properly and the rumbling in his chest put her to sleep pretty quickly. Tyler was the next one to go, so you both put them to bed. Thankfully, Wanda and Tim fed them and they would be down for the night, so you and Ben decided to go upstairs and have some alone time...

**

"Right there, baby...

...so close...

...almost there, keep going, don't stop...

Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!" Ben whisper shouted."Who does the Slenderman think he bloody is?!" 

You were both back in your previous position from the couch, except on your bed. It was also two in the morning and you were both surrounded by cookie crumbs, bags of chips, beer bottles, along with a box of pizza, and more beer. Oh and it was also pitch dark, aside from the laptop screen, to make the game scarier, but you were just getting frustrated mor than anything. 

You gave up on the game, so Ben continued for you with his chin resting on your shoulder, his eyebrows creased together, and determination written all over his face. You leaned your head back on his shoulder and started to think about today. 

"Ben?" You asked. "Hm?" He hummed, not totally paying attention. You stared up at the ceiling and asked, "Where do you think Charlie learned to say fucking?" 

"Fucken," he corrected. "And I have no idea. Maybe mum and dad?" You scunched up your nose and said, "I don't think so. They always hit us when we swear." 

He continued to click and swear like a sailor, while you thought. "Maybe at school?" You thought aloud. Ben snorted. "Yes, a bunch of four and five year olds are just running around saying fucken. Great deduction, Sherlock," he teased. You whacked his arm and continued to think. 

Eventually, you just shrugged and said, "Oh, well. Now move, it's my turn!"

Ben huffed and muttered, "Bitch."

You chuckled and muttered, "Fucker."

"Minx."

"Asshole."

"Temptress."

"Twat." 

It will always make you wonder where Charlie gets her language.